Wednesday June 27 2012


☼ ○ ▬

In a library, warehouse size. It’s understood I’m in high school again. Sitting down with other students discussing our respective topics for the research paper. We each have to write a report on the psychology of something. Darren is beside me. I point out an idea...
 “How about Psychology of Entitlement? We should just flip through a Psychology Today magazine. I’m sure we’ll find some ideas.”

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up around 1 p.m.

Hot Cinnamon Oat Bran with Brown Sugar, Blueberries, and Almond Milk.

Watching Iron Man 2 (2010).

 Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Honey Oolong Tea.

Riding my bike over to see if my car’s done yet. The lack of communication with my repair guy is unsettling. Quick stop at Target for a few things.

I receive an email from Anthony. He’s back from his adventures in Mexico...but not back home in Virginia Beach just yet. I’m sure that day will come soon...

So much to say, share, think, sing, tear apart, drive around, postulate, harmonize on, breathe into , and take cheesy polaroids of...
...But then again has it really ever been any other way?
My life force is guiding me home with models, schematics, blueprints, poems, simulacrums, penny candies, and 6 packs of hope, future, community and love.
It's our life. So let's make the picture quality the highest it can be.
It's our life. So let's turn the volume up wherever we want it.
It's our life. We've got to create the magic ourselves.
No more settling.
We're searching for higher ground and no one gets left behind.
We're all in this together. So everybody get up cause it's time to get down. Ya Dig?

Alive and Pulsing Through The Portals in Everybody's Backyards,

Practicing some songs on the guitar in the kitchen.


Kristin shows up. I concoct a dinner for us to share in my bedroom.

Beer-Glazed Black Beans with Onions. Indian Quinoa with Kale, Carrots, and Mushrooms.

We plop down on two blue beanbags and watch Red, White & Blue (2010). I’ve already seen it but she hasn’t.

Me: “I love films like this. It has the same subtlety that Drive has. It’s very tense.”

Things seem to be semi-casual between us...maybe a hint of affection but still with an undertone of doom.


Later, the boys have gathered for poker night, which we haven’t had in at least a month. It’s a full table with nine players. The usual sarcasm and brute antics ensue. It’s a lively bunch around us.

Talking with Margot on the phone. She’s informing me of her birthday plans on Friday cause she wants to see me.

Me: “This isn’t some part of a secret agenda to slip back into my life is it?”

Her: “No. My agenda wasn’t ever to get rid of you completely. I want to be integrated eventually.”

Me: “Hm.”


She really wants to sleep with me, like sleep by my side. “I want a teddy,” she begs. “Okay,” I accept. She comes over and we comfort ourselves with the presence of one another.

Sleep 3 a.m.

[i] Happiness. Quote by Paul Schmidtberger.

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