[i]
☼ ○ ▬
In a library, warehouse size. It’s understood I’m in high
school again. Sitting down with other students discussing our respective topics
for the research paper. We each have to write a report on the psychology of
something. Darren is beside me. I point out an idea...
“How about Psychology of Entitlement? We should just flip
through a Psychology Today magazine. I’m sure we’ll find some ideas.”
▬ ○ ☼
Waking up around 1 p.m.
Hot Cinnamon Oat Bran with Brown Sugar, Blueberries, and
Almond Milk.
Watching Iron Man 2 (2010).
Grilled Cheese with
Tomato. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Honey Oolong Tea.
Riding my bike over to see if my car’s done yet. The lack of
communication with my repair guy is unsettling. Quick stop at Target for a few
things.
I receive an email from Anthony. He’s back from his
adventures in Mexico...but not back home in Virginia Beach just yet. I’m sure
that day will come soon...
“So much to say, share, think, sing, tear apart, drive
around, postulate, harmonize on, breathe into , and take cheesy polaroids of...
...But then again has it really ever been any other way?
My life force is guiding me home with models, schematics,
blueprints, poems, simulacrums, penny candies, and 6 packs of hope, future,
community and love.
It's our life. So let's make the picture quality the
highest it can be.
It's our life. So let's turn the volume up wherever we
want it.
It's our life. We've got to create the magic ourselves.
No more settling.
We're searching for higher ground and no one gets left behind.
We're all in this together. So everybody get up cause
it's time to get down. Ya Dig?
Alive and Pulsing Through The Portals in Everybody's
Backyards,
Anthony”
Practicing some songs on the guitar in the kitchen.
...
Kristin shows up. I concoct a dinner for us to share in my
bedroom.
Beer-Glazed Black Beans with Onions. Indian Quinoa with
Kale, Carrots, and Mushrooms.
We plop down on two blue beanbags and watch Red, White
& Blue (2010). I’ve already seen it but she hasn’t.
Me: “I love films like this. It has the same subtlety that Drive
has. It’s very tense.”
Things seem to be semi-casual between us...maybe a hint of
affection but still with an undertone of doom.
...
Later, the boys have gathered for poker night, which we
haven’t had in at least a month. It’s a full table with nine players. The usual
sarcasm and brute antics ensue. It’s a lively bunch around us.
Talking with Margot on the phone. She’s informing me of her
birthday plans on Friday cause she wants to see me.
Me: “This isn’t some part of a secret agenda to slip back
into my life is it?”
Her: “No. My agenda wasn’t ever to get rid of you
completely. I want to be integrated eventually.”
Me: “Hm.”
...
She really wants to sleep with me, like sleep by my side. “I
want a teddy,” she begs. “Okay,” I accept. She comes over and we comfort
ourselves with the presence of one another.
Sleep 3 a.m.
[i] Happiness.
Quote by Paul Schmidtberger.
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