Friday July 30 2010

DREAM: In a movie reminiscent to Birds. Tom Berenger from the Sniper movies is there with me. He starts rubbing motor oil all over his body because it washes out the fleshy scent the birds are attracted to. One by one the birds flock over to us. Somehow they’re not interested in me, maybe because I’m more of a bystander. The oil is working; the birds aren’t biting as much. We’re on the beach, and I see a man, who I know is supposed to die in the movie, but I make sure we save him before the birds kill him. Getting closer, his body is halfway buried in the sand; his eyes look zombie-like (I guess because he’s close to death); flesh wounds and punctures all over his arms and face. He seems out of it like he’s about to pass out. Berenger and I pull him out of the sand and run into the car where it’s safe. ☼☼☼☼☼ Practicing music in a storage unit. Trying to use this guitar pedal that transforms the sound into a piano sound. The pedal doesn’t seem to be working properly. But I can hear the tremolo and vibrato effects.

Around 2:35 p.m. I wake up.

Breakfast: Toasted Bagel with Butter and Blackberry Jam. Orange Juice. Zinc, Vitamin E, Alfalfa Grain.

Organizing at the storage unit.

Lunch: Egg Salad Sandwich with Lettuce and Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Mango Oolong Tea.

Josiah and I go to Kmart to retrieve a chocolate cheesecake for Rocky’s surprise b-day tonight. A black lady is in front of us checking out a cartload of items even though it clearly states “Express Check-out Line 8 Items or Less”. The line begins to get backed up. She’s on the phone at the same time as she’s having problems with her card running through. She’s obviously oblivious to her actions, completely unaffected by the impatient customers behind her. I’m not as much annoyed by it as I am amused.

At home, building a cupboard out of a box for the extra food Rocky brought over.

Eating Mango, Plum, and Strawberries.

Meeting with Chris Cloud in my room – discussing more ideas and footage for the Tokyo DVD.

1623 presents: The American Circus of Chaos (or rather SHOW N TELL NIGHT).

The numbers are great. The entertainment galore. The beautiful moments are beautiful.

Eating Pad Thai Noodles with Broccoli and Kidney Beans. Drinking a few beers.

Surprising Rocky for her birthday with the chocolate cheesecake; a very happy moment.

A violent dispute in the hallway ensues between roommates, chicken nuggets and red Sonic slush tossed to the floor; a complete drunken rage. In the mean time, there is singing and dancing and music and joy in the next room over. And on the porch, smoker’s conversation and liquid chill. The chaotic scene is legitimate enough to charge people a dollar and allow them to stroll through it all as if this was a fun house at a carnival.

People are helpful and offer to clean up.

Later, steaming up the backseat of her car despite my tiredness.

Relaxing in my room, recapping the night, looking at photos.

Sleep around 5:30 a.m.

Thursday July 29 2010

DREAM: Sitting at a desk in the front row of a classroom full of people. A really tall and buff black man is standing in front of me. He seems to be disciplining everyone but switches to reprimanding me for something. Silently I sit and listen, feeling uncomfortable and knowing I’ve done nothing wrong. He punches me lightly in the shoulder but with enough force to startle me. Eventually class is over. Everyone is piled downstairs. We seem to be in a small town house now, very similar to the one I grew up in at Ocean Lakes. In the kitchen picking off food from all the plates…sweet potato in a soy glaze mixed in with green grapes.

Sliding out of bed at 3:21 p.m.

Breakfast: Toasted Plain Bagel with Butter and Blackberry Jam. Dynamo Juice.

Organizing and caulking up more cracks where the ants are crawling in through.

I notice the cat isn’t inside the house. And a thunderstorm begins. The rain falls so beautifully as I stand with the front door open. Looking at the green tree that’s overgrown our yard and breathing in that fresh water from the heavens. Ambrotious is out there somewhere hiding under a car or someone’s porch, maybe he’s scared, or maybe he’s wild enough to take it like a woodland warrior.

I grab an umbrella and open the door to head out into the harsh rainstorm, and Ambrotious charges inside, his fur soaked and battered.

JCOC Thrift Store. Looking for some shelving for the unit. Everybody’s staring outside anticipating the worse. The TV’s on telling me there’s a tornado warning.

At Target. Employees stand guard by the door. It seems the end of the world is near. But nothing is going to stop me from getting my American sliced cheese for lunch.

Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Mango Oolong Tea.

Watching some of Two Lovers. I think it’s an underrated film.

I get called into China Wok for work.

The streets are flooded. It seems whenever the weather gets dangerous it increases people’s appetite for Chinese food.

Getting off work, stopping by Kmart for a payload of fruit.

At home, Margot beats me there after her trip from Target to purchase $37 worth of necessities and $13 worth of wantities. She’s excited about using her cool new purple glowing flashlight to find Ambrotious.

Eating a Plum and cutting up Mango and cleaning Strawberries.

Quoting Margot contstantly. She’s getting playfully irritated. “You make me sound like a dumb kid. I say real things.” Me: “Everything you say is real.”

Josiah and Rocky come over bearing gifts. I get a Frosted Mini-Wheats box full of glasses and bowls they’ve collected from the house. As well, I receive 6 rolls of toilet paper.

Dinner: Kidney Beans and Onions with Cheesy Rice and Broccoli. Mango Lemonade.

Josiah picks up the incense burner thinking it was a back scratcher and scratches his back saying, “I haven’t used one of these in a while.”

I grab Jamil, Art, and Roma and bring them to the storage unit. We move the two upright pianos from the old one to the new one.

Eating a bowl of Frosted Shredded Wheat Cereal.

Emily: “Art, you’ve gotten sassier recently!”

Emily, referring to my attire, which includes a white sushi chef jacket and a vacation hat a Dad would wear, “AHAHAHA! You look goofy!”

Playing a little Unreal with Roma.

Organizing and consolidating things at the storage unit.

Eating Watermelon and Rice Crackers.


Sleep 7:15 a.m.

Wednesday July 28 2010

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Tuesday July 27 2010

DREAM: In an astronomy class discussing an extra solar planet called Vega, which is 25 light years from earth and in waking life is a star system, not a planet. The teacher is explaining the appearance of Vega and all of sudden I’m traveling in space and I can Vega in the distance. I’m hiding behind an asteroid as the others in the class show up. The teacher starts asking us questions as if we’re being quizzed. Then he invites us to explore the planet. There are neon pink, orange, and blue rings surrounding it – four sides, each with a projected screen showing some subtitled animated movie. We enter through the hazy wall of light and discover the whole planet is not really that big and has a smooth floor made of rocky concrete and wood. For some reason, everything is wet. I see Josiah having a good time by sliding feet first across the plain and almost falling through the fence that perimeters the planet. I find the center of the planet where a circular mound of concrete has been put. I inquire to the teacher why someone even built this structure here on Vega.

A little after 3:30 p.m. I wake up from a hard sleep.

Breakfast: Toasted Plain Bagel with Butter and Blackberry Jam. Dynamo Juice.

Work at the ice cream shop.

Lunch: Egg Salad Sandwich with Lettuce and Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Blueberry Yerbe Mate Tea.

Reading Adbusters Magazine

“It is the cult of self that is killing the United States. This cult has within it the classic traits of psychopaths: superficial charm, grandiosity and self-importance; a need for constant stimulation; a penchant for lying, deception and manipulation; and the incapacity for remorse and guilt…We have a right, in the cult of self, to get whatever we desire.” ---- taken from American Psychosis by Chris Hedges

At home, the cat is outside. He runs into the bushes. It’s a daily occurrence for me to find Ambrotious roaming around outside when I get home. How hard is it to watch out for the cat at the door?


I walk into the kitchen and notice a ton of ants crawling around on the floor, which has never happened before. I guess since I put the ant hotel out, it attracted them into the house rather than away from the house. The cinnamon has had no effect either. So I pull out the dryer and washer and caulk up the cracks as much as I can. Also, I pull out the fridge and clean thoroughly behind it.

Eating a bowl of Pad Thai Noodles with Kidney Beans and Vegetables, and a can of Beer cleverly titled “Game Day Beer”.

Poker Night with the Russians. They bring over their friends.

Chocolate Chip Cookies and Milk.

Margot comes over. She’s looking up apartments on Craigslist.

Still sitting at the card table. Art wins the game. I get runner-up.

Everybody is playing Kings at the coffee table.

Margot and I relax in my room and enjoy some sexy time.

Eating Watermelon.


Putting up songs on

Sleep 6:45 a.m.

Monday July 26 2010

DREAM: Standing in the median surrounded by an interstate road. Earlier I had set up these blow-up numbers on metal rods to imitate a street sign. It’s supposed to be my own version of street art or some kind of culture jamming. The first number “9” isn’t standing properly. I try fixing it by turning it around and bending the metal rod. It’s very difficult. Some people ride by questioning out loud as to what I am doing. “It’s my art! And they’re numbers!” I finally fix it up decently enough to read the numbers.

Waking up at 3:20 p.m.

Breakfast: Toasted Whole Wheat Bagel with Butter and Raspberry Jam. Dynamo Juice.


I buy a watermelon from a guy selling them out of his pick up truck off Virginia Beach Blvd. He has a thick country accent. He assures me they’re the best watermelons around and that I will be back for more.

Trip to the bank, Big Lots, and Target.

Nic randomly pulls up as I’m walking inside. We walk around the store together and share our love for the cheap prices at Target. “You know…another reason Target is so great is all the pretty ladies here.”

Lunch: Egg Salad Sandwich with Lettuce and Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Mango Oolong Tea.

Rocky walks into my room. She found a crazy bug from outside she thinks Rachel will like.

Josiah walks into my room. He says he needs to clear his mind. Talking about his plans to go to New York.

Me: “What I want doesn’t coincide with what I feel.”

Practice at the storage unit with Chris. Working on new Musicplayer songs.

Slaving away cutting up watermelon and removing the seeds.

Emily and Wesley are on the couch. Chatting back and forth with them about how Facebook accidentally doesn’t invite the people you want to invite for events. This somehow forms into an argument between Emily and I. She leaves claiming I “need to get a fucking grip on reality.” Feeling a little helpless because it seems the more I inquire into her perspective and try to better understand her feelings, the more heightened her frustration becomes. And there is no possible way to have a calm debate or conversation when there is a disagreement. Maybe from now on it would be best to just keep my mouth shut. I believe Abraham Lincoln said it best, “It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt.”

Picking up Becca from her work then going to Waffle House.

Text message from her dad to her: “Enjoy it all.”

It’s unusually busy for a monday night and our waiter continuously forgets to put in our order and bring us our drinks. Eventually, he just offers our food free of charge.

Eating leftover Mushroom Chicken, which I zapped at the 7-11 across the street, a Salad and then a Waffle.

Me: “I like how everything’s kind of vague with you. [laughter] It’s like you never know what’s really going on.”

Becca: “Yuck Few.”

Becca: “Let’s say within this next year everyone you know here that keeps this area special and alive to you slowly, like, trickles out and leaves or moves somewhere else or just starts to hang out with other people, I don’t know. And you get the opportunity to move somewhere where you don’t know anybody, would you do it? And have Margot move with you? And, like, just you two. You don’t know anybody. So it’s not the drama of people that you know and, like, rumors and stuff.”

Me: “It’s definitely a solution but I don’t know if that would help.”

Alex shows up and joins us.

Discussing Inception.

Becca describes to us a few of her recent dreams.

At home. Downloading new music.

Shooting a few rounds of basketball on the courts nearby.

Eating some Watermelon and a small bowl of Frosted Blueberry Mini-Wheats.

Setting up stuff online.

On the phone with Margot talking about heavy and light topics but with no hostility.

Me: “You’re first response to anything is denial.”

Margot: “No.”

Sleep around 6:45 a.m.

Sunday July 25 2010

DREAM: Wearing a red shirt. A layer of black lines hovers over the front of my shirt attaching itself. I suddenly have a fear people will confuse me with Spiderman.

Waking up a little after 2 p.m.

Sipping on Dynamo Juice and catching up on the computer.

James is watching Avatar and Ken is on the computer.

Retrieving Ambrotious from under the porch. Ken distracts him with a pole and we corner him on the side of the house.

Selling binoculars and a printer.

Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Honey Oolong Tea.

Watching the rest of Avatar with James.

Work at China Wok.

Delivering an order on Chase Point. The lady is blind or maybe she has extremely limited vision. She asks me to come inside and change the thermostat to 70 degrees because she’s too cold.

A bank marquee states it is 105 degrees outside.

Delivering an order at Mayflower apartments on the third floor. I notice two giggling Russian girls step into the elevator to go down before me. I step into the same one after they depart at the bottom. Their girlish scents still pervading the compact air of the elevator car.

Someone wrote “CANT” above the stop sign at Borders.

There’s a misunderstanding at the end of my shift and I seem to be missing money.

Margot comes over and we make Campbells Mushroom Chicken Rice with Steamed Broccoli and String Beans.

Caitlin’s here now. And I’m sitting in between them while It’s Complicated is playing on the TV. This is a total chick flick.

Scrolling through a list of chick flicks on the internet.

Me: “Australia. Oh yeah, my Mom said she liked that one.”

Margot: “It’s probably a real actual good one.”

Caitlin: “Jackieeee.”

Margot: “Ew…” “Aw…” “Ow…ow…ow…ow…foot cramp. Why? I have to pee.”

Caitlin is letting Margot and I hear a new song of hers in her car. It’s beautiful.

Emily arrives home.

Emily: “I’m getting really scared inside my mind…I keep convincing myself that anything I want to do is the best thing to do and I don’t know how to tell the difference anymore.”

Uploading songs to

Eating a bowl of Blueberry Muffin Frosted Mini-Wheats cereal.

Margot is lying on the couch talking to Richard while I do the dishes.

Then, talking with me in the kitchen, frustrated because a friend isn’t willing to confront her about their issues with her.

Putting on an Indiana Jones movie for background noise as we enjoy each other’s bodies. In other words, have sex.

She curls up and goes to sleep while I wreak havoc at Unreal.

Sleep at 5:30 a.m.

Saturday July 24 2010

DREAM: I step inside a big shed in search of something. It’s reminiscent to the feel of the attic in my house: hot, stuffy, and no airflow. I see stacks of insulation pieces. All of them are square-shaped. I’m moving them around to find what I’m looking for. Very cautious not to touch the pink fluffy fiberglass with my hands, otherwise I’ll get itchy. Some of it rubs a little on my face. Getting irritated. Finally, I decide to leave. I push myself out the door and can feel a big difference in the air outside: fresh, cool, and rejuvenating. Switch to a scene in Big Lots. My mom is buying a special treat for us, which is this bag of what seems to be cotton candy but you put it in ice cream cones to eat. I’m carrying one of the flavors called “Sherbet”. My mom has a 20-dollar bill in her hand. That’s how much it cost. Feeling a sense of comfort in knowing she’s taking care of me.

11 a.m. my alarm goes off. Have to be at work early.

Breakfast: Toasted Whole Wheat Bagel with Butter and Strawberry Jam. Dynamo Juice.

Work at China Wok.

The heat gets stronger every day.


Lunch: Egg Salad Sandwich on Rye Bread with Lettuce and Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Honey Green Tea.

After delivering so many orders to the nice lady on Vintage Court, we finally exchange names…Deloris.

Margot stops by at work and rides around with me for a few deliveries.

Sipping on a Caramel Javakula from Borders.

Art Show at the house featuring Yesper, Seamonster, Nelly Kate, and We Are Trees. And artwork from Liz Swain, Rachel Rephan, Peter Lawrence, and Todd Webb.

Eating Vegetable Lo Mein for dinner and drinking a Heineken.

Yesper gives me warmth. Seamonster unites the voices. Nelly Kate hypnotizes our senses. We Are Trees smoothes the mood.

Stephen puts his foot down on the strange old hillbilly man who is disrupting the party.

Four Square in the street.

“1623 is the place I want to be.” --- Ken Diamond

Walking to Kmart with Tyler, Ken, another dude named James, and a guy that can reproduce the dance moves from Michael Jackson’s Thriller. Picking up Grilled Cheese materials and Cereal. On the way back, the dude named James smashes his phone on the ground. Ken, picking up the bulk of the flip phone, “Can I keep your SIM card man?” We’ve made it close to the 7-11 and the Wawa. We hear a car’s engine rev up at loud decibel levels causing an interruption in our conversation. James decides it would be a good idea to taunt them as they drive off. Standing in the 7-11 parking lot as a police officer has stopped all us questioning our antics. We tell him exactly what we were doing, which is grabbing ingredients for Grilled Cheeses – showing him our Kmart bags. “So you guys go to school?” “No, we work actually.” “Where do you live?” “We live over on Michigan.” “How come I never see you all over there? Do you only come out at night?” “Yeah.” Referring to the colorful paint on James’s arm, “What’s this?” “It’s war paint----We just came from a party.” “Well, you all oughta be careful. Next time you yell at a car like that they could pull out guns and then you’d get assed down.” Yeah he uses the word “assed down”. Finally making it home. Conducting 1623’s Grilled Cheese 101 class, showing Tyler and them how to make the perfect grilled cheese.

Eating a bowl of Frosted Flakes Cereal.

Margot was waiting for me. She storms out of the house annoyed by all the people still lingering around because we had plans to see each other. I can’t compete with her game, her impatience, her disrespect, her rudeness, etc. I hadn’t even had the chance to get settled into the house yet. I thought I would give her the benefit of the doubt because I knew she’d just left a long and stressful shift at work. I wanted to see her just as much as she wanted to see me. Standing on the porch, arguing on the phone, trying to explain how irrational her behavior was. The conversation ensues in wasteful bouts of accusations and a lack of breath. I love her and I care about her so much but I can’t handle this bitterness and the constant feeling of being on edge with her.

Walking back inside after ending on a fairly reasonable note with her. They’re drawing on the floor, gospel and blues on the stereo. I’m tired. I boil some water for tea.

Brushing my teeth and analyzing myself in the mirror. Remembering a comment Renee had left me yesterday, “i miss crazy america and being around in your crazy hazy life.” Crazy America is right and even more right is my CRAZY HAZY LIFE.

The morning light has broke through. Picking up the trash in the yard. Ambrotious is roaming around in the backyard. I attempt to catch him but he retreats in the bushes.

Sleep around 7 a.m.

Friday July 23 2010

DREAM: Hanging out with Art. We get back home (the house looks different inside – there’s a second story.) We climb upstairs to look for Roma and Renee. Nobody in Art’s room. My room is next door. We open it up and all I can see is Roma naked on the floor facing the closet. Somebody says, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” I assume Renee is there too and they were about to have sex. On the way back downstairs talking with Art, “Yeah, Renee’s done this before…” I start to get a little angry and somehow I know it was Margot and not Renee that was in the room with Roma. Sitting in chairs with other people waiting for Margot to come downstairs. She sits down in a seat near me. She knows that I know already. For a while I try to pretend everything’s normal but then I feel a sudden burst of rage. I dart out of my chair, tackle Margot to the ground, and start questioning her, “Why! Why! Why would you do this again? Why…” All of a sudden, I’m on the phone with her instead but she’s still sitting in the chair next to me. I notice we’re in a restaurant now as well. A guy sitting with our group gets up and demands that everybody be quiet. I yell out loud to her, “You always have reasons. You need to stop confusing reasons with excuses!” Switch to a scene outside in the night: Her and I sitting in separate chairs with others. “Do whatever you want, Margot, but just know that you’re killing me.” There’s a long period of silence and I’m writing what I had just said down in my green composition notebook. A feeling of dread comes over me. Looking at Margot and thinking to myself, This is really over. This really isn’t going to work

Around 3 p.m. waking up with that same sense of dread from the dream but then taking comfort in reality.

Breakfast: Toasted Whole Wheat Bagel with Butter and Strawberry Jam. Dynamo Juice.

Observing the ants crawling around the front door. I place an ant hotel in the corner and watch one ant in particular discover the treasures inside it, but he doesn’t indulge himself. He simply turns around and alerts the others. I realize that ants have an Asian mindset, in that the group as a whole is the most important and not the individual. The prosperity of the colony is an ant’s main focus. We can learn a lot from these annoying bugs.

Emily: “They’re hard workers.”

I decide to make the ant 1623’s employee of the month.


Musicplayer stuff online.

Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Honey Green Tea.

Watching TED videos.

At the storage unit playing piano and working out a new song.

Margot meets me at the house and we go to Divin Livin in Norfolk.

Rage Quit is playing. Watching Danny Shain and his antics on guitar – particular moments of rock that tickle my heart strings.

Margot locked her keys in the car, which is in front of a small church. Looking through the oval glass doors and listening to a gospel chorus. One of the ladies belches out as loud as she can go, almost touching on that moment where one cracks their voice.

Eating microwavable Pad Thai Noodles.

Playing drums with Eric. Gabe deejays, feeding the rhythm and bounce of the hot hot room. I feel the floor breathe up and down as the people dance and groove. Feeling this oneness with movement as I bang and bang repeatedly.

Getting home, Roma and Jamil have new friends over. They’re lighting up Sambucas and downing them.

Eating a bowl of Frosted Shredded Wheat Cereal.

Unreal with Roma.

Drinking Orange Juice.

Sleep around 5:30 a.m.

Thursday July 22 2010

DREAM: Inside a strange apartment building. Emily is past out on the floor with blankets and pillows. I walk into another room. A mother comes in with her son asking for recommendations on what music her son can check out as if this was a library. I pull out a Yo La Tengo CD. Looking at the boy; it seems there’s something wrong with him, maybe he’s retarded. “How old is your son, mam?” She answers me but I forget quickly and keep pulling out CD’s for them. Switch to a scene where I’m running down the hallway – stopping at the window overlooking a beach. Two girls from Indonesia standing there, waving to me. One of them is Hani and the other, a friend of hers. Brandon Hyatt is standing next to me near the window. “Let’s go to the beach! Don’t you want to go boogie boarding?” He responds enthusiastically. Somebody else is there and I’m trying to explain to them the type of board you use to surf underwater with.

Getting out of bed at 1:56 p.m.

Me: “Emily’s always doing something in my dreams lately.”

Margot: “Dream about me more.”

Sharing with Margot, Hot Oat Bran Cereal with Cinnamon, Brown Sugar, Blueberries, and Milk.

Talking with Art in the living room about money troubles and America’s immigration history.

Washing clothes and trimming my mustache.

Rachel comes over and we go to Big Lots to buy the monthly toilet paper and paper towels.

Back at home painting on cardboard.

Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Honey Green Tea.

Gabe is sitting on the couch looking through A Day in the Life of the Soviet Union, admiring the photos.

Eating a Kiwi.

Color practice at the storage unit.

Eating a Mango.

Driving to the show in Norfolk with Rachel in the passenger seat. She tells me about her experiences in the psych hospital.

Musicplayer show at 37th and Zen with Color and Shapiro. It’s good to see friends and play music.

Eating Fish Tacos with Rice and Beans.

Driving back to Virginia Beach. Rachel helps me unload the equipment.

Back home, a few people hanging out on the couch. Police Academy is on.

Talking with Margot outside. The cat has escaped. I attempt to catch him while we try to straighten out some misunderstandings.

Watching the footage from the show.

Eating a bowl of Frosted Shredded Wheat Cereal.


Sleep around 6:15 a.m.

Wednesday July 21 2010

DREAM: At my old church and asking one of the faculty there a question, “So…its okay for us to do the thing now?” kind of being secretive about it, then walking into another room – it’s big, an empty warehouse. Emily is a tattoo artist and she’s setting up a table. “I need better lighting!” she tells me. I explore the other side of the room looking for something. A table of lamps. One of the touch lamps isn’t working. I grab a desk lamp and a regular lamp. “Here you go…this will work.” She’s irritated by the way I’m setting them up, “It won’t work that way!” Switch to a scene of boys on a school bus riding down the road. They have this custom where they throw out food or bags of food out the window. The seagulls will fly down to inspect or grab the food. And then the boys run out to retrieve it back – like a free-for-all contest. I’m on the bus now. I want to use the restroom. But we don’t have one on this bus. There’s another bus. I run across the street and straight into the back lavatory. The walls are covered in mirrors. All I want to do is relieve these itchy red spots on my butt, but scratching doesn’t help, so I have to use this pen to poke them with. Switch to a scene with Shannon Taylor. She’s playing this new Super Mario Bros. video game. I’m watching the screen, and then I’m playing all of a sudden. I keep growing bigger and smaller…bigger and smaller. I grab a parachute that keeps me afloat above all the obstructions, which include missiles, walking bandits, and a giant woman whose head creeps out above a loft where I need to walk.

2:30 p.m. waking up.

Breakfast: Toasted Bagel with Butter and Strawberry Jam. Dynamo Juice.

Business. Working on website.


Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Honey Green Tea. Blueberries.

A little Unreal.

Musicplayer practice at the storage unit.

Josiah visits and listens in.

Watching some of the Tokyo DVD with Josiah.

Dinner: Beer Battered Cod Fillets. Thai Noodles. Steamed Asparagus. Miller High Life.

Hi Daniel White! Everyone comes over. They’re watching Forest Gump.

Margot and I are left alone watching the rest of the movie – cuddling and talking on the couch.

My desire is strong – being inside her is a feeling of invincibility, a feeling of being in control and out of control at the same time.

Working on stuff online.

Playing Unreal.

Giving Emily a ride to work because her car is broke.

I like it when you sleep over.

Sleep around 6:15 a.m.

Tuesday July 20 2010

In the middle of my dream I hear a Mew song, a cue to remind me I’m about to wake up. It’s Emily’s alarm. Her alarm usually goes off at least 4 times before she actually gets up. Quick half asleep conversation with her: “Hey Emily, is that your alarm? Can you get up or turn your alarm off?” “I’m not having this conversation with you…then maybe we shouldn’t share a room”

DREAM: Walking down a gravel street. It’s late, nighttime. A big warehouse building to the left of me. People are coming over to have some kind of party. It’s almost like it’s supposed to be my house. There’s also a nightclub and a store next door. I walk further down the street to where my van is parked and find my doors wide open. A husky Mexican and a bunch of dudes are raiding my van and stealing 3 tabby cats of which are supposed to all be Ambrotious. “What the fuck are you guys doing?!” I grab all 3 of the cats and toss them back in the van, shutting the doors. Then the Mexican man hands me a blue baseball bat. He’s holding his own black baseball bat and challenges me to battle. Feeling a little out of control and helpless, “Screw this!” I run into the store nearby, pull out my cell phone, and dial 911. I keep pressing the wrong keys. After some time, I finally get through. “911?” “Yes, I’m in…Samstown…uh…” I can only remember the city and not the state. I try asking the girl behind the counter for some help but she is lounging in a hot tub and has no interest. I look outside and the van is gone. “They stole my van!” The Mexican man is about to drive off in his pimped out grey car. I run out just in time to catch the license plate number. Approaching the girl at the counter – ripping out a piece of paper off some receipts in front of her with angst – writing…”X74-96X”. On the phone with 911 dispatch, “I got the license plate number!” ☼☼☼☼☼ In another country with 3 women and 2 men, who are supposed to help me find the Mexican man and his crew from the previous dream. Running with the two men down the street. One of them wants me to meet him downstairs in the train station. Everybody is looking at us because they’re my projections and they sense foreigners in my dream. I continue on. Waiting on an escalator with the three girls. She tells me how it is customary for females to wear a one-piece that covers up their genital area and they should include it in their wear at all times. This way, when they bend down or sit, nothing shows. I comment about it to her as all of us are scrunched on the escalator going down, “That’s a great idea. And I think it’s sexy.” She’s sitting on top of me. We finally arrive at the bottom that leads directly into a candy store. A lot of people are crowding around looking for chocolate. We’re there because there may be some clues as to where this Mexican man may be. ☼☼☼☼☼ With people wading through water barefoot in some kind of tunnel system. Still looking for the Mexican man and his crew from the first dream. We’ve lost some of our team but gained new ones along the way. Not feeling comfortable going any further with my bare feet in this murky water. I see fish swimming in it – wondering how they survived down here with no food and what kept them alive. Sensing danger but can feel we’re getting closer to victory…

3:17 p.m. waking up.

Breakfast: Toasted Bagel with Butter and Strawberry Jam. Orange Juice. Zinc, Vitamin E, Alfalfa Grain.

Talking with Rocky and Emily in my room. Inception insight.

I go to Big Lots, Trader Joes, and the Thrift Store.

I find a sturdier food and water bowl for the cat.

Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Honey Oolong Tea.

Work at the Ice Cream Shop.

Eating Blueberries and a Peach.

It’s quite busy for a Tuesday.

A lady in her late 30’s comes in to get a Strawberry cone. Admiring her blue eyes – imagining a meeting between her and I when she was younger, fresh beauty, inexperienced, and full of passion. She pulls out a coin purse with blue owls designed into it. “This is my third strawberry cone this week!” On accident, I had scooped her a generous amount for what a small size should be. She’s very grateful. Her smile is one thing that hasn’t aged at all.

Defrosting the ice cream freezer. It’s a workout shaving and hammering all that ice off.

Eating a Banana on the way home.

Cleaning behind the washer and dryer, then sprinkling cinnamon along the edges to ward off the ants.

Dinner: Spaghetti with Garlic Toast. Spinach Salad. Miller High Life.

Poker with the boys: Art, Vova, and Roma. Dollar buy-ins. I win both rounds.

Eating a bowl of Frosted Shredded Wheat.

Setting up Musicplayer stuff online.

Sleep around 6:30 a.m.

Monday July 19 2010

DREAM: With a group of people, some are friends. We decide to take a trek to the land of TUMBLR but we have to leave the land of BLOGSPOT. This is all happening in some weird abstract sense of time. We start walking through a very thin part of the woods surrounded by water. Eventually, we’re faced with a mass of land that if you look straight ahead seems to never end. On either side is the ocean. Something out there has caused waves to billow up. They keep getting bigger and bigger. I have my shoes on and I’m wearing my purple book bag – concerned about my stuff getting ruined. At one point, the waves are too much and they crash into each other perfectly as if there was some sort of mirror in the middle of them. We all realize this has become a difficult trip but continue on despite getting soaked and submerged in these dominating waves. Making it to the end…

3 p.m. getting out of bed.

Breakfast: Toasted Bagel with Butter and Strawberry Jam. Orange Juice. Zinc, Vitamin E, Alfalfa Grain.

Setting up more Musicplayer stuff online.

Becca is scared of Art’s voice over the phone.

Cat Litter Box Bathroom Drama ensues at 1623.

Lunch: Egg Salad Sandwich Lettuce and Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Honey Oolong Tea.

Musicplayer practice at the storage unit with Chris and Kal.

Eating a Spinach and Mushroom Quiche with Ketchup, Carrots with Ranch, and drinking Miller High Life out of a mug.

With Jamil and Art watching Inception at AMC Lynnhaven.

Eating a bowl of Frosted Shredded Wheat Cereal.

Reading up on the movie and coming up with my own theories.

Playing basketball on the courts down the street.

A man asks me for a cigarette.

Eating Watermelon.

The cat is licking the sweat off my arms.


I’ve never claimed originality in anything. It’s not something I seek out anymore. I just play and write. The only credit I can give myself is of discovery and the ability to fully realize an idea.

Sleep around 6 a.m.

Sunday July 18 2010

DREAM: I’m with my Dad. I was just visiting or something and he’s about to take me home. He wants me to read this book called Cold Spring or Cold Feet about a father and son. There are some things he wants me to learn from it. Sitting in the front yard of a big Baptist church. I notice some cinder blocks inside of a few drains holding the church up. A man dressed like a police officer from the United Kingdom with that funny round cap and mutton chop side burns walks outside with a microphone and announces my full name, “James Robert Smith!” My Dad responds to him, “He won’t be doing that today.” Inside they were giving baptisms. I can tell because of a long line of people near the entrance of the sanctuary. Two strange girls want me to help pack their things up and get in the car with them. I think I’m in the foyer now but it’s sort of a coffee shop too. A few of us are sitting at a table. I get up and walk past the line of people waiting to be baptized. Hearing a loud contemporary Praise and Worship song with a “G-D-C” chord pattern being played on the sound system, similar to Hillsong. I had sneezed earlier and I can feel snot hanging over my mouth. I pace quickly to a corner near the back where I can see a group of police officers through sliding glass doors lounging in the backyard, each with a their own little black Pomeranian dogs. One of the little pups is staring at me. I’m trying to clear my nose off. I see a stack of VCRs in front me – all of them powered off. I take out one of the tapes entitled The Pend and put it back in the player. This powers on the VCR automatically, which in return interrupts the song and the baptism line for just a second. I hit the power button immediately. Walking back outside where the strange girls are waiting for me. I help them load their stuff to the curb. One of the girls has a fatter body structure and is very pretty.

Getting out of bed at 1 p.m.

Breakfast: Toasted Bagel with Butter and Strawberry Jam. Nantucket Orange Mango Juice. Zinc, Biotin, Alfalfa Grain.

I meet Eric at his house to discuss the Musicplayer website.

Lunch: Egg Salad Sandwich with Lettuce and Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Honey Oolong Tea. Peach.

Observing the cat clean himself so thoroughly.

Work at China Wok.

Eating Watermelon, a piece of Jamil’s Chicken from Kmart, some Carrots, and a slice of Pizza.

Setting up Musicplayer stuff online.

Emily, Wesley, and Margot come over. I discover mysterious red circles on my shirt. Wesley and I try to reason through where these red round things came from. I had the same circles on two other shirts. It’s caused from some kind of marker or maybe rust. There’s a conspiracy theory that Emily is behind this.

Making Emily’s annual French Toast for her birthday. It’s still too eggy for her. I’ll learn to perfect the recipe for next year.

Eating a bowl of Frosted Shredded Wheat Cereal.

Margot and I take a walk to 7-11 for Orange Juice.

On the phone with Josiah briefly. He’s convinced we’re being cyber hacked. He claims he heard weird alien fart sounds while I was speaking.

Margot is sleeping on the couch.

I’m getting frustrated with Youtube and Google.

Fire & Ice sex.

Sleep around 5:45 a.m.

Saturday July 17 2010

DREAM: Two people are sleeping in my bedroom (maybe they’re a couple). I’m in the bathroom brushing my teeth and having a hard time trying to find my toiletries.

My cell phone alarm wakes me up at 11 a.m. Lying in bed for 8 more minutes.

Breakfast: Toasted Bagel with Butter and Strawberry Jam. Nantucket Orange Mango Juice.

At Earth Sound Studios with Chris and Mark tracking drums.

Lunch: Egg Salad Sandwich with Lettuce and Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Honey Oolong Tea.

Finishing “The Sirens”, “Nosong”, and “Cryptic”.

Taking a break, eating a peach, sipping coffee.

Recording “Amputate” and “Night Creatures”.

Finally home after a 9 and half hour recording session.

Eating a bowl of Miso Soup with Cheese and Crackers.

Discovering a slew of ants underneath the washer and dryer. I spray some ant repellant and bleach for now. I will have to deal with this later. Feeling out of energy.

Margot stops by with Channelo’s Pizza. I eat a slice.

Attempting to play Sonic the Hedgehog 2 on Sega with her. She loses interest because she’s losing and doesn’t know how to play. This sparks another heavy talk about personal issues but ends on a light note – we hug, embrace, and kiss.

Eating a bowl of Frosted Shredded Wheat.


Emily comes home from Maryland. It’s her birthday.

Sleep 3 a.m.

Friday July 16 2010

DREAM: Cessily, my boss from China Wok, cleared out my refrigerator and threw away most of my food that would’ve been questionably old.

Shortly after 1 p.m. getting out of bed.

Breakfast: Toasted Bagel with Butter and Strawberry Jam. Orange Juice. Zinc, Vitamin E, Alfalfa Grain.

Musicplayer at Earth Sound Studios – with Chris and Mark setting up the drums for recording.

Lunch: Egg Salad Sandwich with Lettuce and Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Honey Oolong Tea.

Tracking drums for “Woodlands” and “The Sirens”.

Eating a Peach at home.

Stretching and exercising.

Dinner: Pad Thai with Chicken and Onions, Broccoli, Green Beans, and Carrots.

Finishing The Five Obstructions.

Playing basketball at the courts nearby the house. It’s dark but the glow from the neon business signs is light enough to shoot. Shooting free throws and thinking about how everyone seems to want to give me advice on what they think I should learn or need to learn. I hurt my ring finger pretty bad from the ball dropping on my hand.

Eating a bowl of Frosted Shredded Wheat.

Roma brings over a friend from work who calls himself Vova. Jamil, Art, and Anna come home shortly after. They’re making Flaming Sambuca drinks in the kitchen. I watch.

All of us picking up the back of Art’s old car to move over in the driveway.

Listening to music on

All of us playing Texas Hold’em Poker with Sequence chips. It boils down to Art and I. He goes all in not knowing that I have a pair of Aces causing him to lose everything.

Sipping Green Tea and eating an Oatmeal and Raisin Cookie.

Margot comes over after work.

Another beautiful night to be weak for her and give and receive and love.

Eating a Banana.

Sleep around 5:30 a.m.