Friday February 28 2014

[no picture provided]

Waking up at 10:45 a.m.

Strawberry Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.

All day shift at China Wok (soon to turn into all day "shit" at China Wok).

A few Peanut Butter Banana Oat Bites.

Egg and Cheese Biscuit. Honey Black Tea.

It's a usual typically predictable day at the restaurant – orders coming in steadily – coming in and out – driving like my wheels are on fire. The temperature has dropped to 30 degrees. Why is it this cold on the last day in February? Spring, please hurry up and spread your warmth and generous pollen.


I can sense tonight's going to go a little later than usual so I'm forced to tide myself over with a protein snack: Mixed Nuts with Raisins.

Off work and back home after 11 and ½ hours.

Vegetable and Tofu Soup with Fried Rice.

Watching What Just Happened? (2008).

Sleep at some point.

Thursday February 27 2014

Rex Begonia (Feb 27 2014)[i]

The sound of the coffee pot gurgling a fresh brew awakens me at 10:45 a.m. Five minutes later I hear the sound of Kevin in the hallway. He keeps shouting, "It burns! It burns!" while Richie hoots and cackles. They're like a modern day Beavis & Butthead.

From under the covers Ana comments, "I really don't think it's necessary to be yelling like that in the morning."

Me: "Ha-ha. You and me both."

Coffee and No-Bake Energy Bites.

I've got an appointment with the chiropractor at 11:30 a.m. – my third visit. Dr. Jay sees me this time. He's a little more personable and asks more questions. My neck is still mildly sore from the whiplash injury I got from basketball. I'm hoping after the fourth and final visit I will see improvements.

Around noon I meet with my good friend Jes at her new job at Shaffer Real Estate group in Lynnhaven. Her and Charlene give me the rundown of a first-time homebuyer and the whole complicated process that goes along with it.


I arrive back home. Ana's spending a good amount of time making the bed. She threw up water earlier; she's been sickly and a little grumpy as of late. I sprawl out on the floor and she eventually spills out some of her thoughts.

Sharing Kale and Edamame Salad. Creamy Tomato Soup with Parmesean Bread.

Time for a day trip to the Atlantic Garden Center. It's a magical greenhouse filled with many species of plants, cacti/succulents, and flowers. We spot five cats roaming about the garden center. I can imagine this place is perfect for felines as they can feel like they're in the wild and pounce from behind a plant. An old man who works here gives us the rundown of some of the interesting tropical plants like the one with the fuzzy spiral leaves called a Rex Begonia.

Ana and Rex Begonia (Feb 27 2014)



Back home. I lock the bedroom door. It's time for some tender loving care, of the sexual kind. I know she and I have both been in need of it. I'm barely able to take off all her clothes before we start having sex. It's such a joy being here in this real life fantasy – pumping and humping – intimately elevated to a cloud nine.


Me: "That was really great sex."




Moe, a neighborhood friend of ours, is staying on the couch temporarily. I invite him with us to the gym. Getting in a strenuous workout.

While Ana reads The Power of Myth I cook up dinner downstairs.

Roughy Filets with Multi-Colored Peppers, Onions, Carrots, and Quinoa.

Curled up in the bed underneath blankets watching Woody Allen's Manhattan (1979).

Sleep at a decent hour.

[i] Most images by me, some by Ana.

Wednesday February 26 2014

P & Co.[i]

☼ ○ ▬

On a trip with friends – we find a place to crash with a friend of a friend. There's an understood attraction between the girl host and me. I'm ashamed because Ana is here. I do my best to avoid intimate contact with the girl but it's really hard.


It's understood we're in Richmond, Virginia now. A parade of some kind is in progress on Main Street. I'm wearing an Indian style cape. Getting lost in the crowd. All of a sudden I hear somebody shout, "A bomb!" Two seconds later a bomb goes off two blocks up the street. I watch a small group of people fall straight to the ground from the explosion. It seems to have come from inside an historic building, maybe an old church. Everybody's frantically running around. I rush back inside the apartment to grab my phone and start running towards the disaster. I'm not sure if I'm hurrying because I want to help people or if I just want to snap a photo or video of the incident for later documentation (so I could have proof I was there). Either way I run like a man on a mission. I make it to the corner of the site and start recording footage. There's still debris being blown out of the building, smashing through the windows. I see two suspicious looking characters on bicycles riding nonchalantly in an alley. I turn my head so they don't see me. One of them catches up to me, throws up his arm to which he has attached one of those finger wavers like the ones you'd have at a baseball game, and yells, "YEAH!" as if this was a premeditated spectacle. It turns out it was. In the streets I can hear somebody announcing through a megaphone that it was only a test, a fire drill so to speak, and that everything is all right.


I retreat back inside our apartment. It's time for sleep. Ana and Stephanie are sleeping in their own king size bed. There might be enough room for me to join. I can see Ana being restless and annoyed I'm not close by. I'm worried that she'll know what's going on. The girl host shows me around the cozy apartment. She's sleeping on a couch for some reason. Nothing sexual ever escalates between her and I but I still feel guilty inside.

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up around 1 p.m.

Strawberry Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk. Orange Juice.


Creamy Tomato Soup with Sourdough Croutons. Edamame. Naan Bread with Hummus.

At the Rec Center getting my cardio playing pick-up games on the basketball courts.

Back home. Ana's here. I cook us dinner: Lentils, Rice, and Mixed Vegetables.


Singing a few songs together.


As we're putting together this recipe for No Bake Energy Bites I recommend adding chia seeds since the flax seeds I have turned skunky.

Ana: "So what do chia seeds do?"

Me: "Haha. You say that like it's a Pokémon."

These No Bake things are delicious. Just Oats, Peanut Butter, Ground Nuts, Banana, Honey, Chia Seeds, and Vanilla all rounded out into little bite sized balls.


Lounging in the bed sharing hot tea and watching A Late Quartet (2012).

Sleep at 4 a.m.

[i] P & Co.

Tuesday February 25 2014

The Last Days on Mars still.[i]

Waking up at 1:58 p.m.

Strawberry Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk. Fresh Squeezed Grapefruit Orange Juice.


Leftover Noodle Soup with Tomatoes and an Egg. Naan Bread. Strawberries. Honey Black Tea.

At the Rec Center for adult basketball. It seems like I'm gaining a somewhat impressive reputation now. After knocking in a few buckets from the baseline I can hear the other players sitting off to the side comment, "Oh he'll make those every time." It's not true but it's nice to know people have an expectation of my game play now.

DiGiorno Four Cheese Pizza with Mushrooms and Orange Peppers. Kale and Lentils.

Watching The Last Days on Mars (2013).

Dutched Cocoa Cookies. Coffee.

General business and catching up on emails.

All hopped up on caffeine – it's really got me going strong.

Troubleshooting various minor problems.

Sleep at 5 a.m.

[i] The Last Days on Mars still.

Monday February 24 2014


Waking up at 12:38 p.m.

Strawberry Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk. Fresh Squeezed Grapefruit Orange Juice.

At the bank seeing about pre-qualifying for a home mortgage. I'm considering buying a house in the next few months depending on a few things. Upstairs on the second floor of Wells Fargo talking with a cheery lady about ten years older than me. She makes copies of my tax returns and crunches some numbers for a house at $160,000. This all seems doable if I can come up with a down payment.

Lentil Sandwich with Hummus, Mustard, and Tomato. Garlic Naan Bread with Hummus. Honey Black Tea.

At The Escape – resistance training – ab workouts – running.


Ana brings over salmon to make dinner with.

Barbecue Garlic Salmon with Basmati Rice, Bok Choy, Carrots, Broccoli, and Cauliflower.

Movie Monday presents: They Live (1988). Before Adbusters was born there was this John Carpenter film. Before people realized they were being brainwashed by the media there was this cautionary sci-fi/action tale starring a pro wrestler with amazing one-liners like...

"I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum."

"They are dismantling the sleeping middle class. More and more people are becoming poor. We are their cattle. We are being bred for slavery."


Everyone's sunken into the couches. Will, Andre, Leisa, Ana, James, Josh, and a neighbor of ours are present. Sharing fancy organic Oreo's and Coffee. Sophie makes her rounds in everyone's laps.


Afterwards, I deejay the arsenal of random videos I have involving Kevin and Darren and any other shenanigans that went down at the house over the years. Our chests hurt from the repeated cackling and our throats fill up with laughing phlegm.

Settling down in the bedroom with Ana. She's a little sickly – sore muscles – sporadic coughing. Meanwhile outside in the hallway Kevin is given a Vicodin by Josh.

Kevin: "Am I gonna die?"

Josh: "No you won't die. But you might get confused."

"Combining alcohol and other sedatives with hydrocodone can lead to increased sedation and even cause confusion."

Sleep at 4 a.m. 

[i] They Live still.

Sunday February 23 2014

vladimir kush 12 egg sun[i]

☼ ○ ▬

I'm a contender in some kind of spin-off of the Olympics in Russia. I'm chosen to compete against a Russian girl in an eating contest. Whoever finishes off a huge bag of a powdery nut and raisin mixture wins the gold medal. The bell rings and I start shoving it all in my mouth a handful at a time. All I can think about is how bloated I'm gonna feel after this and that I'll probably vomit. We're doing all this on a stage. The audience cheers in anticipation. Meanwhile, somebody gets on the microphone to talk about something unrelated to the event. The Russian girl gives up while I finish off the last bite. I dramatically throw up the empty bag and announce, "I finished!" but nobody's listening nor do they seem to care anymore about the contest. I'm disappointed I spent all this energy consuming more food than my body had room for and no one cares. 

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up at 11:15 a.m.

Strawberry Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.

All day shift at China Wok.

Even though it's not Spring just yet this must be recognizably the warmest day so far this year. It's 67 degrees. As I drive around with a t-shirt on and the windows down I remember the magical power of a warm day. It dawns on you after such a cold and dark winter-long. You can sense hopefulness in the sun's rays. Life has meaning again – productivity – dreams.

Ana gives a surprise visit. She rides around on a few deliveries. She's feeling a tad bit under the weather – sniffling. I comfort her with my hand caressing her thigh.

Lentil Sandwich with Hummus and Tomato. Grapes. Popped Potato Chips. Honey Black Tea.

It's a typical Sunday – some shitty tips – some decent tips.

Icelandic Milk Chocolate.

Towards the last two hours it slows down some. Kicking the bouncy ball around with Eileen inside the restaurant.


Off work and back home.

Egg and Vegetable Fried Rice with Broccoli, Snow Peas, and Broth.

Watching Nobody's Fool (1994).


Sleep 3:30 a.m.

[i] Vladimir Kush.

Saturday February 22 2014


Waking up at 10:50 a.m.

Strawberry Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.

All day shift at China Wok.

Kale and Lentil Salad. Everything Pretzel Thins. Honey Black Tea.

Icelandic Milk Chocolate.

A busy day on the job. Delivery after delivery. Enjoying some podcasts. And so it goes...

A friend of ours asked to stay at the house for a week. Through text, Kevin and I discuss our disapproval of the situation. In closing Kevin says, "I'm the new sheriff of 1435. I don't take kindly to Tom and his foolery."


Off work a little later than usual. But finally back home.

Fried Chicken with Garlic Sauce, Onions, Carrots, Broccoli, and Rice.

Watching The Hurricane (1999).

Yesterday Sophie peed on my bed for the first time. I left my door open for a good length of time last night. She must've gotten in and decided to mark her territory. I put the sheets in the laundry and spot-clean the smelly stain she left behind.

Sleep at some point.

[i] Sheriff Bart.

Friday February 21 2014

Tereza Vlčková.[i]

Waking up sometime between 1 and 2 p.m.

Strawberry Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk. Grapefruit.

Ana texts me some thoughts on last night...
"Every time we have sex it feels like you and I are releasing any of our stresses and expressing our feelings for each other. I do feel that we are actually making love when we have sex, and that's something that I consider very special to me. really had me under your little spell when you were telling me how I glowed."

General business.

Doing my second visit to the chiropractor – more adjusting and cracking of my neck then sitting with heated electrical stimulation for ten minutes. I'm noticing a big difference.

Picking up some things from the store.

Work at China Wok for a few hours – making easy money.

Back home. Repotting some of my plants, including a Chinese Evergreen I got today. Ana stops by briefly to offer some of her leftover Pho noodles.

For dinner: Cod Fillet with leftover Rice and Vegetable Medley. Garlic Naan Bread.

Watching The Hurricane (1999).

Josh stumbles into the house drunkenly after attending an Iron & Wine concert. He blasts some Bob Dylan on the stereo while I clean the dishes.

Sleep at some point.

[i] Tereza Vlčková.

Thursday February 20 2014

Sticky Situation - Tyrone Brunson[i]

Waking up sorely at 1 p.m. Ana is already awake sitting over in the corner charging her phone's battery, which has these colorful LED lights flickering on it.

I joke, "I see you're having a rager over there..."

Sharing bowls of cereal: Strawberry Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk. Navel Orange.

Darren and Devon meet us here. The four of us go thrifting. First, Thrift Store USA in Norfolk – a phenomenal collection – I can't resist purchasing a few old copies of history books. Then, the DAV off VB Blvd. Around the corner we grab sushi at Sakura on Newtown Road. Vegetable Tempura. Spicy Salmon Roll. Avocado Cucumber Roll. Green Tea.

Back home at the house Ana and I split ways for the time being. Her and Jessica go to The Escape while I hit up the Rec Center for adult basketball – getting a good cardio workout and trying my best to gain respect from my baller peers.

Back home. Banana. Sharing Cinnamon Raisin Peanut Butter Toast with Ana. We attempt to try this saké someone left behind at a party here and which has been collecting dust in my room but it tastes like straight rubbing alcohol – we can't handle it.


I put on a soul-funk record we found at the thrift store: "Sticky Situation" (circa 1982) – Tyrone Brunson. We dance on the linoleum. I notice an extra glow on Ana – something about her makes her extra attractive looking tonight – I'm bewitched.


Upstairs, we close and lock the bedroom door – turning down the lighting – face to face – bosom to bosom – lips to lips – progressing into something exceptionally stimulating – a beautiful sexy union. Afterwards, it got a little messy, not on my part cause I wrapped it but on hers; the new birth control has caused Aunt Flow to overstay her welcome. We rinse off in the shower. Earlier I brought the fern in for a watering and left it to hang. It's a picturesque moment of her naked body showering next to it.

Ana and the Goose Fern (Feb 20 2014)[ii]

Sharing Coffee, Popcorn, and Strawberries.

Watching The Boys Next Door (1985).

The Boys Next Door (Feb 20 2014)

Ana drifts off to sleep while I catch up with stuff on the computer.

[i] Sticky Situation album cover.

[ii] Images by me.

Wednesday February 19 2014

Lentils Dinner Ana (Feb 19 2014)[i]

Waking up at 1:18 p.m.

Strawberry Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk. Fresh Squeezed Orange Juice.

Snacking on Mixed Nuts, Raisins, and a Banana. Honey Black Tea.

Seeing the chiropractor for the very first time. I had a minor whiplash injury from basketball a few months ago. Using a Groupon I found – $50 for four visits. The guy doctor sees me in a timely fashion. He takes a few x-rays, analyzes the spinal region near my neck, then massages the area and turns my head to both sides jolting the joints with a crack – a strange and startling feeling for sure. Afterwards, I sit in a chair to receive heated electrical stimulation for ten minutes.

Chiropractor (Feb 19 2014)

Egg Sandwich with Mayo and Tomato. Fresh Squeezed Orange Juice. Milk Chocolate.

Finalizing my tax filings. I've come to the cliché realization that...I hate taxes! It's incredible how much money I forfeit to the federal and state governments. I'm just – I believe appalled is the word.

Despite a mild headache I spend an hour at the gym – the sauna does me good.

Preparing a very colorful dinner for Ana and I: Lentils, Rice, Vegetable Medley (Bok Choy, Onions, Mushrooms, Orange Peppers, Carrots), and Garlic Naan Bread. A soundtrack of Beethoven compliments the satisfaction of our meal.

After a brisk walk outside to take the trash to the dump and retrieve something from her car, we set up in the dining room to practice some songs together. Shortly after, it gets interrupted by the arrival of Josh, Kevin, and Richie with wine/beer in hand. All the light-hearted heckling and commotion proves to be too much of a distraction.

Upstairs in the bed we watch Upstream Color (2013), a film we've been meaning to watch for a long time. The big high definition screen compliments this beautifully visual masterpiece. Sharing Coffee and Moldavian Vanilla Cookies.

After the movie we talk about our discrepancies on being around others who require an overload of attention to survive and how draining it is for us sometimes. We both experienced this problem earlier downstairs. Ana is discovering how much more of an introvert she is – and it's comforting for me because I myself maintain a strong introverted role amongst friends.

Me: "Towards the end of your 20's you really start to solidify who you really are."


Me: "I hate being judgmental. The older I get the less tolerance I have for people who...who don’t get it."

To me it's really hot. To Ana it's really cold. Good for her I'm like this personal human heater to her.

Sleep 5:30 a.m.

[i] Images by me.

Tuesday February 18 2014

The Lonely Maiden. Jeremy Lipking.[i]

Waking up at 1:19 p.m.

Strawberry Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.

Rigging the new big screen to the loft bed.

Egg Salad Sandwich with Tomato. Popped Potato Chips. Grapes. Orange Juice.

At the Rec Center for adult basketball. I haven't played in a while – no time last week. It feels good to be running up and down the court.

Back home. Josh gives me some leftover Mexican food: Stuffed Peppers and Cheese. I sauté some Asparagus and Carrots to go along with and add Pita Bread.

Watching The Maiden Heist (2009).

Coffee and Lemon Pastry.

Figuring out my taxes for 2013 and general life planning.


Sleep 5 a.m.

[i] The Lonely Maiden. Jeremy Lipking.

Monday February 17 2014


Waking up around 1 p.m.

Cinnamon Oatmeal with Brown Sugar, Cranberries, Almond Meal, and Almond Milk. Orange Juice.

It's Movie Monday at the house tonight and I've been thinking hard about investing in a big screen TV, nothing too fancy, just 1080p and at least 40 inches. After browsing online I decide to just see what Target has. The lady at the electronics counter gives me a $50 discount for no reason. Score.

Hard Boiled Egg. Blue Tortilla Chips with Salsa. Blueberry Bagel with Vegan Cream Cheese.

Watching a Vice documentary about a strip club in New Mexico for truckers.

Setting up the new TV.

At The Escape getting an exhilarating workout – strength resistance training – ab exercises – running.

Back at the house. Stephanie and Leisa want to shoot a scene for this short film they're doing, something dealing with a character not getting into a James Franco acting school. They ask Darren and I to sit next to Leisa on the couch and pretend to be potheads.

Leftover Haddock. Salad. Naan Bread with Hummus.

We all settle down in the living room (Will, Ken, Stephanie, Leisa, Darren, Ana, and I) to watch Adult World (2013). There are wonderfully funny and memorable lines in this movie. John Cusack nails his role. Sipping on Coffee and eating one of Ana's homemade Peanut Butter Topped Chocolate Cupcakes. Afterwards, a little camaraderie – inducing howls in Sophie through a video on Youtube entitled "Guaranteed To Make Your Dog Howl".


Earlier something seemed to be bothering Ana, unrelated to me but enough to cause a concern. Throughout the evening I try to find out what's the matter but of course she's closed off. Eventually we're in the bedroom and she tries to explain her complex mood. We both know the meds for her acne are affecting her hormones, as well she just started birth control. You can't chalk up everything to hormonal dysfunction but you can't count it out either. She's always had problems opening up to me, even through all this time we've been dating. For some reason she's able to confide in other close friends but when it comes to spilling the real guts to me there's an invisible wall. I don't know what she's afraid of. It's frustrating because I want to help. I want to be that warm shoulder she can lean on. But I know I am. We start to touch on the behavior of introverts and how they feel empowered when in solitude. We both have similar yet unique associations to introvert-ness. In the end I guess she just feels the struggles she wrestles with in her mind can be just as easily stood up to on her own. I understand the importance of that but there's also a time when you need another to encourage and edify. During our conversation I clobber down a half container of Grapes.

Sleep at some really late hour.

[i] Adult World still.

Sunday February 16 2014

Starburst House built by Janice (Feb 16 2014) (1)[i]

Waking up at 11 a.m.

Cinnamon Oatmeal with Cranberries, Plant Fusion Protein, Brown Sugar, and Almond Milk. Orange Juice.

All day shift at China Wok.

Egg Sandwich with Mayo and Tomato. Everything Pretzel Thins. Honey Black Tea. Lemon Pastry.

It's a typically busy day here at the restaurant. Driving around the city non-stop. Enriching myself with Radiolab podcasts. 

Off work and back home.

Fried Chicken with Garlic Sauce, Broccoli, Onions, Carrots, and Rice.

Watching Shipping News (2001).

It feels wonderfully soothing to be sitting in my computer chair with no sense of urgency about anything – it's especially a relief knowing I don't have work for the next four days. I just took a big shit in the bathroom, symbolic of releasing all the dirt and grime built up from the weekend. Ana sent me a string of reflective messages about herself and her tendency to bottle things up inside. Amidst it all she says something kind of cliché but sweet. It stuck out to me...

"I thought that I had given up on wanting to give my love, but then you came along!"

I hear Kevin arrive home. He goes to his room for something then runs down the stairs yelling, "Krampus! Krampus!" and then proceeds to knock over a few chairs in the dining room.

Josh passes by him and says, "Alright, don't destroy the house. That is the old 1435!"

Kevin reads our lease renewal offer from Chanticleer in his iconic reading voice...

Researching the best tires for my car.

Sleep 4 a.m.

[i] Starburst House by China Wok girls.

Saturday February 15 2014

Moonmilk. Ryan McGinley.[i]

Waking up at 10:45 a.m.

Grapefruit. Strawberry Honey Bunches of Oats.

All day shift at China Wok.

Ana gives Kevin a ride to the restaurant so he can collect his pay and figure out a plan to get his car fixed, which has been parked out front for the past four days while he was in Pittsburgh. It's a bit busy at the moment and Ling is the only one in the kitchen.

I give Kevin a hard time, "Ling's busy right now, dude."

Kevin: "I know. I was waiting for a chance."

Me: "There are no chances. There are no chances here, man! Everything here is soon as you walk through those glass doors."

Kevin just gives me that look where he thinks I'm crazy. He curls his lips and says, "Whatever, Robert."

Ana rides around with me on a few deliveries. The rain is falling dramatically, even turning into slushy snow flurries. When delivering to The Flagship we encounter a slight problem; the customer had to leave somewhere and is supposed to return in a few minutes. I briefly talk to Ana about how crazy it is that certain people with problems in their lives always seem to be surrounded by more problems. It's like a magnet for trouble. This motel is one of the shadier motels at the oceanfront, the kind of place that offers rates at $200 a week. I feel bad for these people sometimes. Eventually, a man shows up and we make the exchange. He explains he had an emergency with his daughter and gives me a generous tip of $10 for having to wait.

Mixed Nuts with Raisins. Naan Bread with Hummus. Honey Black Tea. Icelandic Milk Chocolate.

Nasty weather brings good business. Drive – drive – drive. Keeping the inside of my car warm and toasty. Some good tips and some bad. I can't really complain.


Snacking on a Shrimp Egg Roll unfit for sale.

Off work and thankfully in my room locked away from the world. It turned into a 12-hour workday. It's unbelievable that this moment is finally here. I didn't think it would ever come. It's days like these that make me wish I had a normal 9-to-5 but when I look at the money I rake in I change my mind. It's a sacrifice well worth it.

Lo Mein Noodles and Broth with Broccoli and Snow Peas. Dark Chocolate Powerberries.

Watching Shipping News (2001).

Sleep at some point.

[i] Moonmilk. Ryan McGinley.

Friday February 14 2014

V-Day Iguana Dancing (Feb 14 2014) (2)[i]

☼ ○ ▬

My friend just started paying rent on an office space for $8 a month but he's only allowed to keep 12 light bulbs plugged in. He won't even be able to use the space until he pays more. I explain to him how silly this is.

Me: "Why are you even paying rent at all. You can just hold on to the light bulbs without using them."

He has a wow, you're right moment. Later it's understood him, myself, and a few other buddies are attending this Christian summer camp of some kind. We're shacked up in the same office space. Everybody heads off somewhere except for one of the guys and myself. It's understood this guy, who happens to be big boned and obese, and I are having a love affair. But I'm supposed to be a girl. He's lying on the couch. I crawl on top of him.
"I'm gonna ride you," I whisper seductively. "Is that okay with you?"

He seems to be into it but needs to take care of something in the bathroom first. By this time the other dudes have returned. I walk out into the hallway to talk with one of my friends. All of a sudden Margot, my ex-girlfriend, and a guy named Morgan walk by us. Why is she here? I can't figure it out. I catch a detailed look at Margot's face. She doesn't look any different than I remember except there're these little red spots on her skin. I sense that she recognizes me but she refuses to say hi or even return any kind of a look of familiarity. I go back inside our room and express my frustrations to my obese boyfriend or whatever he is to me.

Me: "She's such a pompous bitch! I don’t understand why she's here. She doesn't go to these types of things."

Just seeing her here really bothered me so much that my lips tighten up and I start crying.

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up at noon.

Strawberry Honey Bunches of Oats with Nuts and Almond Milk.

Valentine's Day traffic is ludicrous.

Plant Fusion Protein Drink with Orange Juice. Egg. Naan Bread with Hummus.

Meeting up with Ana at The Escape for a good workout. I'm starting to really understand the best routine to get into for a workout plan.

I've got a few hours to work at China Wok. Ana hangs back at the house doing makeup with Jessica, the new roommate.


Sharing dinner at the table with Ana and Jessica. Baked Parmesan Haddock Fillets with Perogies and a Salad. I may have overly salted the fish but it's not too overwhelming.

A brief discussion between Ana and I on the dangers of leveling with others and how one's perspective can mirror the other person's and in essence you can lose who you are. There's nothing wrong with seeing through the lens of somebody else – it's a good skill – but you have to learn to protect your truth and your views. 

Ana drives us out to Norfolk for this V-day dance party at The Iguana. Sipping on and finishing off Almond flavored Sparkling Wine on our way there. We have to pick up a few friends of hers, Vanessa and John, who live in Ocean View. At Vanessa's house we wait at the bottom of the stairwell chitchatting with Vanessa's parents, one of whom is a vibrant 72-year-old man – he recommends transcendental meditation to Ana. Meanwhile, I share affection with the two dogs, one with cataracts in her eyes. We scoop up John and after a Johnny Cash soundtrack on the stereo we've made it to the club formerly known as 37th and Zen.

V-Day Iguana Dancing (Feb 14 2014) (1)

V-Day Iguana Dancing (Feb 14 2014) (0)

There's hardly anyone here. It's kind of hit or miss for a holiday like Valentine's Day. A lot of couples planned their own events but I know Ana and I were itching to cut a rug, and that's why we're here. I order a few beers and our little group takes over the dance floor. Gabe Niles deejays a mixture of pop and hip-hop. It doesn't matter whether or not we approve of every song; we're not picky. I let my body go, sometimes observing the shadows on the wall mimicking my movements. There's something beautifully cathartic about dancing – our bodies were meant to move like this. Ana takes a few trips to the restroom. I playfully follow behind and slap a few kisses on her lips behind the doors. She looks charming in her black dress with the revealing spidery threads on the backside.  

V-Day Iguana Dancing (Feb 14 2014) (3)[ii]

V-Day Iguana Dancing (Feb 14 2014) (4)

In reaction to Ana's tribal and uninhibited style of dancing Vanessa says, "If I ever go exploring in the Amazon, Khrizzia is who I'd want to find dancing naked."

I couldn't agree more.


We use up the last of our energy and leave around 1:30 a.m. I nap in the passenger seat on the way home.

Up in my bedroom I immediately prepare us for a sexual fantasy. We clamor onto each other. It's all wonderfully exciting and satisfying.

Sleep at some late hour.

[i] Images by me. 
[ii] Images by Ana.

Thursday February 13 2014


Waking up at 10:50 a.m.

Strawberry Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.

All day shift at China Wok.

Egg and Cheese Biscuit. Bo'Berry Biscuit. Everything Pretzel Thins. Honey Black Tea.

It's a dreary windy cold day.

Icelandic Milk Chocolate.

I have nothing interesting or pressing on my mind besides the usually concerns about life changes. Just going through the motions – driving and driving and driving.


Egg Roll.

Off work and back home.

Tofu with Garlic Sauce, Broccoli, Carrots, and Onions.

Finishing Hancock (2008).


Sleep 3 a.m.

[i] Hancock still.

Wednesday February 12 2014

and the long nights surround me[i]

☼ ○ ▬

Sitting along the side of 22nd Street where I-264 connects. I've got a bag of dirty workout clothes and my Boston fern. The leaves of the fern appear to be wilted. Time to go. I hop into an old pickup truck with two guys. They want me to drive but I'm in the backseat. It's explained to me that I can steer the wheel back here. There seems to be two steering wheels, one in the front seat and the one I'm holding. We drive forward, swerving left and right. I do my best to protect the plant while keeping us on course. The guy in the front is also steering making it difficult to stay straight. It becomes a game between him and I.

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up at 12:36 p.m.

Strawberry Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.

Orange Juice with Plant Protein.

An hour and a half workout at The Escape. I watch the snow start to fall through the glass windows while running on the treadmill.

Egg Sandwich with Mayo and Tomato. Blue Tortilla Chips with Salsa and Hummus. Honey Black Tea.

Dark Chocolate Powerberries.

Part-time shift at China Wok – it's extremely busy tonight – shuffling orders right and left. The snowy rain has something to do with it. Some customers had to wait over an hour for their food. I feel bad but there's really nothing I can do about it except just drive and do my job efficiently. After three and a half hours I've successfully delivered twenty orders. That's just in three and a half hours! To give it a little perspective, on an average day I might deliver 28 or 30 orders, and that's working a full 11-hour day.

Vegetable Soup. Shrimp Toast. Garlic Spinach and Rice.

Watching Hancock (2008).

Dutched Cocoa Cookies with Coffee.

Ana has more thoughts to share via Facebook message...
"Robert, on my drive home last night.. I was feeling good. I thought about how I said 'I hated this' as I was leaving your house... after I came back to kiss and hug you before walking to my car. I thought about how you said 'don't hate just love'.. I do believe in that. Hating only leads to more endless hate. Love only leads to an open and happy mind. As I was driving home.. I felt this good feeling that I don't really know how to describe. I remember feeling this same feeling around the first month we started seeing each other. I know that you are very genuine in everything that you say, and I'm just glad that I went with my gut feeling and told you I was interested in you! You have and always been consistent with me. I admire that in you, and I want you know to know I have a high respect for you.
I'm sorry that I always tend to have this presumption that little things you say/do are signs of negative things. Thank you for being so understanding to me and so patient and for always welcoming me to your home and sharing everything with me. You are very important to me, and I want to say again that I'm happy because I just am. I feel closer to you as the days go by. I know that I can trust you. I already knew I could because I felt it already even before I started knowing more about you. I sensed something special about you because I have been around bad energy.. you have this special energy around you.. and it's a warm energy."

Fiddling on the guitar while the rain lightly taps on my windowsill.

Sleep 4 a.m.

[i] Image source unknown.

Tuesday February 11 2014

Angry Baby Tiger[i]

Waking up at 10:55 a.m.

Attempting to enjoy a bowl of Strawberry Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk. But after I pour in the milk I discover this batch is bad – a whole bowl of cereal ruined. Luckily, my roommate has some almond milk downstairs.

All day shift at China Wok.


Egg Drop Soup. Everything Pretzel Thins. Honey Black Tea.

Dark Chocolate Powerberries.

It's a very cold one today – 30 degrees but feels like the arctic.

I keep my car heated and every time I get out to deliver an order I look forward to getting back inside – in fact, I run back. This wind chill is killer.

Mixed Nuts and Raisins. Apple.

After a decent day's earnings I'm off work and back home.

Mongolian Chicken with Broccoli, Onions, Carrots.

Watching Broken (2012).

Ana stops by for about an hour. I share a few experiences from younger and more naïve times in my life.


Ana sends me a Facebook message...
"you are one of my best friends... I'm happy to have you in my life. I don't think that i ever express this enough, but I really do!"

Sleep 3:30 a.m.

[i] Image source unknown.

Monday February 10 2014

Videodrome UK Poster (detailed). Designed by Harry Wilson.[i]

Waking up at 12:36 p.m.

Strawberry Honey Bunches of Oats with extra Granola and Almond Milk.


Naan Bread with Hummus. Blue Tortilla Chips with Salsa. Dark Chocolate Powerberries.

At the neighborhood gym spending a good hour and a half running and working out.


Back home. Preparing dinner (Black Beans with Kale, Carrots, and Rice) and baking Chocolate Glazed Banana Bread with Chocolate Chips. It's Movie Monday and we're showing David Cronenberg's Videodrome (1983). Will, Ana, Leisa, a dude named Andre, and Nick and Vicky from Zeke's coffee shop. Before it begins I share the banana bread with everyone, which appears to be a hit.


Half the house is getting ready to start on a road trip tonight towards Pittsburgh to see Anthony and have a LIVE time for the next three days. James and Josh sit down to watch the movie for a few minutes. Coincidentally the "videodrome" in the movie is based in Pittsburgh. In one of the scenes a characters says, "See ya in Pittsburgh!" and then KABOOM! He explodes into thin air. Everybody laughs at how hilariously relevant it is.

Videodrome (Feb 10 2014)[ii]

The television screen is the retina of the mind’s eye. Therefore the television screen is part of the physical structure of the brain. Therefore whatever appears on the television screen emerges as raw experience for those who watch it. Therefore television is reality. And reality is less than television.

Sipping on Coffee and snacking on Popcorn.

"Death to Videodrome! Long live the new flesh!"

Lounging in the bed with Ana – brainstorming short films I could do. For some reason after watching that movie it ignites a fire of ideas.


I ask her, "So what did you think of the movie?"

"It was funny," she replies.

"Funny? That's the first word you use to describe it. But I guess it's true."

Films in that time period are always funny.

Sleep 4 a.m.

[i] Videodrome UK Poster (detailed). Designed by Harry Wilson. 
[ii] Image by me.

Sunday February 9 2014

Ana Black and White Surf Girls (Feb 9 2014)[i]

Waking up at 11 a.m. Ana tells me a dream she had where the old pump organ disappeared and nobody seemed concerned about it except for her.

Sharing Cinnamon Oatmeal with Raisins, Brown Sugar and Almond Milk. Grapefruit and Orange Juice.

"There's no clock in here," I say. And then add, "There's no time in here."

"People need to know what time it is," Ana replies.

Me: "Well that's the point. You don't need time in here."


Richie and Dan slept on the couches downstairs. As I'm walking out the door I blab out to Richie, "I'm gonna kick your ass."

He responds, "Are you on your period?"

Me: "I'm always on my period!"

All day shift at China Wok.

Leftover Pad Thai Noodles. Honey Black Tea. Dark Chocolate Powerberries.

Ana pulls up into the parking lot. She rides around with me on a few deliveries.


At a condo building on the beach. After closing the customer's door Ana gets a whiff of some kind of perfume.

Ana: "It smells like old lady."

Me: "Yeah they all smell the same."


When we arrive back at the restaurant I make a discovery. She left her car's headlights on but even worse it appears she locked her keys in the car with the engine running. ???? She's terribly embarrassed. It's been running this whole time. I guess she just got too distracted when exiting the car and transferring to my car. I would've tried to break in myself but I already tried this before the last time she locked her keys in the car. I just don't have the right tools and I have to keep on delivering orders. So her only option is Pop-a-Lock, which I know is going to be expensive. I feel bad for her. But you live and learn.

Snacking on Mixed Nuts, Raisins, and an Apple to tide me over till dinner.

Off work and home.

Mongolian Chicken with Broccoli, Onions, and Carrots.

Watching Patriot Games (1992).

Relaxing and going to bed somewhat early.

Sleep 3 a.m.

[i] Image by me.

Saturday February 8 2014

Romain Fleury (Caracolor).[i]

☼ ○ ▬

It's understood that at least a hundred years have passed. I'm with a group of friends on the shores of a frozen ocean. My car is parked atop the mixture of water and ice, floating like a boat. We have a mission to drive it to Mars to deliver something of value to somebody. In my mind I can't comprehend why we haven't successfully colonized on Mars yet. Something's wrong with me and I can't help with the preparations. I'm as close as you can get to being a vegetable but not actually be vegetative. I sit off to the side in the snow. My legs are freezing and I feel sick. My father takes the reigns and marches into the icy water knee-deep to turn on the car.

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up at 10:50 a.m.

Strawberry Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.

All day shift at China Wok.

Mixed Nuts and Raisins. Everything Pretzels. Honey Black Tea.

Dark Chocolate Powerberries.

Listening to some stories on Radiolab about doubt and uncertainty – how it can affect and change your life drastically. The third story is riveting.


Everyone's got their tax return money making the restaurant super busy tonight. It's so busy that Ming and Cecily have to help deliver. It's non-stop. Run in and grab as many orders as I can. Drive. Drive. Drive. It's still cold out but leaving the heater on the first setting keeps my car like a mobile oven.

Finally, the mayhem ends. I'm at home shortly after 11 p.m.

Fried Shrimp with Garlic Sauce, Broccoli, Onions, Carrots, and Rice.

I'm extremely tired tonight. It was one of those truly energy draining kind of days. Stephanie had a girls-only party at her "beach cottage". Ana was in attendance and wanted to come spend the night afterward. I wait for her in bed.


A few reprimands to the rowdy kids in Josh's room is required to keep the noise down to a minimum. Setting up the mattress against the bedroom door to dampen the sound. Putting on some world music to distract her and I's thought attention in bed.

Sleep at some point just before 4 a.m.

[i] Romain Fleury (Caracolor).

Friday February 7 2014


Waking up around 12:30 p.m.

Strawberry Honey Bunches of Oats with Almond Milk.


Naan Bread with Hummus. Blue Tortilla Chips with Salsa. Kale and Carrots. Blood Orange Soda.

Elliott picks me up and we enjoy an evening at The Rec Center. Ping Pong. 2-Square. Basketball. Afterwards, we get a few slices of Pizza at Brother's.

Elliott is Creepy (Feb 7 2014)[ii]

Somebody Let This Psycho Out (Feb 7 2014)

Catching up on writing.

Richie and company are here, and by company I mean Mike Fry and some random guy who keeps moping around and complaining about wanting to go home. I make it known my distaste for anything obnoxious to be going on. They put John Belushi clips on the tube. Every time I walk down the stairs past the living room I say aggressive things like, "I won't hesitate to kick your ass, Richie, if you get out of hand." He's drunk but manageable. When the troupe leaves I come across Richie's scruffy beard on my face when he leans in for a hug.

Black Beans with Honey, Garlic, and Onions. Mushroom Mochi. Sesame Seed Bagel.

Watching The Counselor (2013).

Belgian Ale.

Sleep 4 a.m. 

[i] The Counselor screenshot.

[ii] Images by me.

Thursday February 6 2014

Lady with Blonde Hair. Hajime Sorayama.[i]

☼ ○ ▬

With a friend visiting Jessa in jail. This doesn't seem to be a conventional jail though. They've got her locked inside a photo booth of some sort. I stand around trying to figure out what she's doing inside. And then she opens a crack big enough for her to slip through. Now it's understood I'm supposed to help get her out of here. I'm worried because I signed in—they'll notice Jessa missing from her booth and hold me responsible. This wasn't the plan to begin with but I can't abandon her now. We start walking through the main hall where the other visitors are. A few jail officers walk by and don't even recognize Jessa, which is surprising because she's not wearing anything to cover her face or anything. The whole situation feels tense. We walk out the front door successfully. But just as I step outside a few officers grab me by the arm and ask if I know where Jessa is. She's already driving off in a 4x4. But I don't tell them that. I don't tell them anything.

"Can we trust you?" one of them asks.

I nod my head, "Yeah. Yeah. You can trust me."

I take off through the parking lot. Somehow I don't think they do trust me. I keep running around street corners hoping to find a taxi or something. It's a big city and I have no idea where I am.

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up at 12:36 p.m.

Ana's a little disappointed because she left the charger for her new phone at home and none of my chargers are working. Also, she's a little grumpy from the antibiotics she's been taking – they screw up hormones I suppose. She apologizes for acting like this.

Honey Bunches of Oats with Granola and Almond Milk. Grapefruit.

Ana leaves for a doctor's appointment.


Coffee with Honey and Soy Creamer.

Naan Bread with Hummus. Nuts and Raisins. Potato Chips. Icelandic Milk Chocolate.

At the Rec Center for adult basketball. The first few games go smoothly. I feel like I have something to show – scoring a few 3's and handling the defense nobly.


Back home. Showering with Ana.

Me: "I like how you're afraid to take a shower in my house because you think you're going to fall through the ceiling but you don't have a problem taking a shower with the both of us in here. I guess you just feel safer with me."

Preparing dinner. Sharing leftover Pad Thai Noodles with Tuna Steak and a hefty Salad. Kevin comes home from work and tells us a story about a skinny black woman that made a pass at him today. She asked, "So why aren't you dating anyone?"

Kevin replies, "That's a good question."

In my bedroom, just like last night, Ana and I rehearse and polish up our rendition of "You Are My Sunshine". It's difficult for her to get comfortable singing particular harmonies. I try as best I can to help train her voice.

I brew up some Coffee and we share cups with Icelandic Milk Chocolate. Finishing the second half of Walk the Line (2005). Afterwards, I look up some of the real live performances by Johnny Cash and June Carter on Youtube.

Ana is attempting to set an alarm on her fairly new phone.

Ana: "Will you help me set an alarm?"

I look over seductively and say, "Make love to me and I'll help you."

She pounces up from her lying down position and presses her lips into mine. In the particular sexual moments to come I don't hesitate to make moves or waste any time. I'm eager. And I express that eagerness. There's a little bit of angst in our movement. Like earlier when guiding our musical direction I conduct the same symphony but in bodily communication. We both share sighs of relief in our minds when everything is over.

[i] Hajime Sorayama.