DREAM: Observing some kind of sports game similar to soccer except a Frisbee is involved. However, you’re not allowed to catch the Frisbee. You have to hit it a certain way and keep it in the air—passing it off to another player—trying to get it into a net goal. This is all being filmed for a reality TV show. An amazing play just took place and everyone is cheering, hollering, and acting enthusiastic. I just missed it actually. One of the dudes is trying to describe what happened. “Alright, well show me!” The whole thing is re-enacted for a replay.
Waking up around 4:30 p.m.
Cinnamon Raisin Toast with Butter. Orange Juice. Zinc, Vitamin D.
A hard earned work shift at China Wok. It’s crazy busy—answering phone orders—writing tickets—planning the most efficient routes—delivering—making good tips.
Pulling up in the driveway, I notice my roommate Brendan standing there with Kenneth. “Prodigal son,” I announce. He’s been gone the past week or so.
Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Honey Green Tea.
Talking with my mom on the phone. I haven’t really had the chance to do the mother-to-son chat since everything started getting hectic. Talking about the car situation—talking about things with Margot and I—discussing the psychology of relationships and egos and understanding one another.
“It’s like her claws come out…”
“I can’t always be in control of everything…My way is not only the best way. It’s hard to analyze yourself…Coming to realize I don’t have to stress about this…Just let it go.”
“There’s three sides to every story. There’s his side. There’s her side. And then there’s the truth.”
Cleaning up the house a bit for an inspection happening tomorrow morning.
Talking on the phone with Margot on my headset while I cook dinner—the words exchanged are soft but still heavy—the possibility of ending the relationship because our needs are different, we don’t click, she’s bored because I’m a homebody, I’m preoccupied with musical ambitions (a busy man), etc. Not feeling certain about our status, she wants to know now what we’re doing. “Margot, I’m not ready to make that kind of a decision. There’s no such thing as purgatory. We’re either with each other or we’re not. And right now, we’re together.” It still seems like she doesn’t feel secure in that. “Look! I have not dethroned myself from your kingdom. You’re still queen and I’m king!”
Kenneth was walking around during our conversation. He was entertained by some of it, “Hey Rob, were you on the phone? I’m sure you were catching some insecurity stuff. I love that, ‘I have not dethroned myself from your kingdom. You’re still queen and I’m king.’ Haha. That bitch don’t know what to say after that!”
Dinner: Sundried Chicken. Lemon Brown Rice with Onions and Red Peppers. Broccoli.
Trying out one of 7-11’s Old Fashioned Blueberry Donuts and Coffee.
There once and still is a boy who delivered papers every day early in the morning before the birds even began to chirp their morning melodies. And today was no different for that boy.
I told Kenneth to make sure his stuff was cleared in front of the house before the inspector comes but he’s asleep on the couch. So I take care of everything and move it all to the backyard.
Settling bank loan things.
Watching Jackie Brown .
Sleep sometime after 10 a.m.