Wednesday January 26 2011

DREAM: I’m in a fenced-in car lot. Margot’s car is parked in a corner. But now it’s my green minivan. The left rear tire needs changing. I gather a new tire and car jack to replace it but it’s very difficult to figure out how to do it because the car jack is missing a rod to unscrew the bolts. I stop for a minute and look out on the grassy field. Meanwhile, a lady has the van towed. It’s been put into what looks like a horse stable. I’m angry and yelling at the lady. “I was trying to fix it, dammit! You couldn’t give me just a few minutes?” She’s unresponsive. I find a way into the stable. Discovering the van is head first into the ground with its rear sticking out. A few people nearby help me pull it out. The van is my mother now. She’s unconscious lying on her stomach. It’s understood in my mind, or maybe in a parallel universe, that she’s still alive in another location somehow. I untie her left shoe and pull it off her foot. Her body starts to move—I’ve awakened her. She makes sounds as if she’s just woken up from a night’s sleep.

Waking up shortly after 5 p.m.

Breakfast: Cinnamon Roll Toast with Butter. Orange Juice. Zinc, Vitamin D.

At Carmax—test driving a Saab wagon—figuring out my financing options.

Kenneth walks in my room strutting flip-flops and some kind of nightwear. Discussing some of the current house drama and what’s going to be done about it.

Reading Obama’s second State of the Union address. Everyone should read this:

"At the California Institute of Technology, they’re developing a way to turn sunlight and water into fuel for our cars. At Oak Ridge National Laboratory, they’re using supercomputers to get a lot more power out of our nuclear facilities. With more research and incentives, we can break our dependence on oil with biofuels, and become the first country to have a million electric vehicles on the road by 2015. (Applause.)

We need to get behind this innovation. And to help pay for it, I’m asking Congress to eliminate the billions in taxpayer dollars we currently give to oil companies. (Applause.) I don’t know if -- I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but they’re doing just fine on their own. (Laughter.) So instead of subsidizing yesterday’s energy, let’s invest in tomorrow’s."

Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Honey Green Tea. Apricot.

Finishing The Vicious Kind [2009]. A darker version of Dan in Real Life I think—awkward moments abound but a smooth flowing film.

Researching more options for cars because I’m scared to buy the Saab because of expensive upkeep and maintenance, and it’s unique foreign engineering makes it difficult to find mechanics.

Practicing songs at the storage unit.

Margot had a plan to spend the night at my house so she could use her car in the morning. I pick her up from her house. On the drive back I explain the struggle and frustration of my ongoing search for a new car, and mention I would need her car during the day to meet with some dealers. She seems to be irritated by something. I’m sure she has a list. Sure enough, when we arrive at my house, it all comes out. This and that piles up and begins the ever turning wheels of disappointment in her brain. Eventually, I’m able to calm her down and things are cool. I really didn’t expect this kind of attitude from her tonight. Despite the typical trials of life, things are okay, and life is grand. But in her mind the trials are dramatic and overbearing. Other issues like the lack of quality time spent together, and priorities are discussed.

Borrowing her car has been a nuisance from the start. I have nothing but gratitude for her willingness to even let me use it. The urgency to find the best deal on wheels is quite an ordeal.

Dinner: Egg. Basmati Rice with Onions, Mixed Vegetables, and Hearts of Palm.

Newspaper route.

Coffee from the old man. Apple Fritter from 7-11.

My brain is in overdrive—configuring all my options with everything. I’ve gotten to the point where I can conduct this newspaper shift in robot mode to allow for meditation on other things. I even write songs in my head during these times.

Back home, organizing plans to get my van towed to a reputable mechanic down at the oceanfront.

Running errands.


Watching Margot get dressed for work. I get some kind of enjoyment out of it for some reason.

Dropping her off at work—she’s being early-morning cranky.

Finally, sleep around 10:30 a.m.

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