Monday August 30 2010

DREAM: Sitting on a couch with my laptop. Art is nearby. I get excited about taking panoramic photos with this program I used to use a long time ago. I walk over to another table, pick up this really nice SLR camera, and pull out this strange looking memory USB card. I put it into my laptop and find the panoramic program that lets you take photos on your webcam, which is called “Live in Doom”. The icon for it is a rectangular image of a close up shot of brown mechanical wires with an eye in the corner giving you the feeling it’s a monster of some kind. The webcam is active now so I can see myself and Art—having trouble lining up both of us in the frame. It’s weird because the image doesn’t match up with where we really are. Now I’m rewinding it as if it was video footage. I catch a funny clip of me getting angry and throwing something on the coffee table making a big clash sound.

4:48 p.m. I wake up. Feeling like I just slept through my life. Don’t understand how I stayed asleep for so long.

Emily says the power is out. My only concern is using the toaster at the moment. Magically the power comes back on as I open the fridge.

Breakfast: Toasted Cinnamon Raisin English Muffin with Butter. Papaya. Immune Defense.

Entertained by the spam mail I’ve been receiving lately:

“Buying prescriptions from cana*da is che?aper and fast
Order direc"t from us

and showed him how to put them on; and he was very much obliged to
my boughs, and when the wind blew I could nod just as grandly as the
The land of rest,
letter to the Princess. One day when he had ridden a great distance,
She told with right good-will,
Godmother's wand tapped her lightly on the shoulder, and in place of
were fastened on the shoulders of the little Queen, she could fly from
Within this lonesome glen,
the highest kind of civilization; a record of heroism taken from the
Thinks it odd, smiles away;
I saw the different things you did,
name; is it common in your family?"
Great Big Voice:”

Riding my bike to Big Lots. The young girl I see all the time at the register, casually beautiful with a big smile that makes me feel like she knows all my secrets. She rings me up. I hand her the money. She opens up the drawer and says to me, “It’s your lucky day,” and hands me 66 cents all in nickels and of course one penny.

Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Vanilla Yogurt with Raspberries. Mango Oolong Tea.

Art and I Help Elliott move his mattress, couch, and other things into his new apartment in Norfolk with Wesley. “1623 Moving Co. NO HASSLES FREE”

Eating Peaches and Papaya.

I see Mab walking down Colley Ave. I make mention to her how she reminds me of something animated.

With Art and Becca at Waffle House.

Sipping Coffee and eating a Waffle. I asked to make the waffle light. And it was really light—so much I could taste the batter. Delicious.

Becca tells us about a confrontation with a strange man in Portsmouth who looked just like Art—and about her “Hell Week”.

Art explains the odd ways he’s seen Americans use a fork and knife to cut food by placing the knife through the middle slit in the fork.

He suggests doing a Show N Tell week rather than just one night where anybody at anytime can come over and share something during that particular week.

Talking about the porn industry in Russia compared to America and how things have changed since the early 90’s after the Soviet Union was vanquished—Western influence brought new studies into schools and opened opportunities of sexual freedom. But for the older generations, even talking about sex is still taboo.

Critiquing Art’s pronunciation of certain words, “idea” sounds like “ideer”.

Driving back home, Art in the passenger seat. Analyzing different types of romantic relationships. He tells me how his girlfriend, Olga, almost always understands and feels like him, making it easier for him to be independent—using the term “whole” to define them. He tells me “without trust and honesty, there is no relations”. I express my situation with Margot and how I don’t feel she trusts me and still tries to control me. She had been texting me to come visit her at work tonight. After informing her of what I was already doing, being out in Norfolk helping Elliott move and being at Waffle House, she reverts to an accusation: “You obv don’t want to see me.” and “you never try to see me or make plans with me so I give up.” These are common issues to deal with in any kind of relationship when it comes to spending time with another. I understand where she’s coming from, but you’re at work darling! Why place so much importance on a visit at work? Especially since I’m already indisposed. It’s always the smaller disappointments that bring up the bigger issues at hand.


I didn’t even reply to Margot’s accusations but I get another text: “Hey sorry about earlier. I hope you know I only get like that cause I miss you and feel like we haven’t really hung out in awhile. But I do feel like I make all the plans/effort to hang out fyi.” Fair enough.

3 a.m. Dinner: Minestrone Soup with Ezekiel 4:9 Bread. Apple Sauce.

Recording at the storage unit.

Reading The History of Love and sipping White Green Tea. Eating a Pluot.

Sleep 7 a.m.

Sunday August 29 2010

DREAM: It’s understood that I’m Bill, the vampire from True Blood. I’m outside on the front porch of this club/venue. Earlier, something bad happened and somebody was killed because of me. Wesley is across the street closing the trunk of his car in attempt to leave. I’m rummaging through a brown cardboard box of various guns. I pull out a strange looking shotgun and aim it at Wesley’s car, “I told you to leave!” Wesley is frantic and scared now. He’s yelling at me, “I told you my tire is broke! I’m trying to fix it!” Neighbors who live in an apartment right in front of him are opening their door to check out all the commotion. One of them walks over to me trying to get insight into what’s going on, something about violence not being the way to solve this. I yell out loud, “This is a movie! It’s a fuckin movie!” This means nothing is real. It’s all fake. But in my head I knew this wasn’t true. I had actually killed somebody. And this gun in my hand is real. But I hoped this would calm everybody down and in a sense it calmed me down too—I didn’t take everything so seriously after that. Later, we really do start shooting for a film. Inside the club now discussing with a female actress on where we’re going to meet for the first time…which stool…standing on either end of the bar.

2 p.m. I get out of bed.

Breakfast: Toasted English Muffin with Butter and Blackberry Jam. Banana. Orange Juice. Zinc, Alfalfa Grain.

Searching for a replacement power supply for my laptop.

Doing yoga in the living room.

Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Vanilla Yogurt with Raspberries. Mango Oolong Tea.

Work at China Wok.

I’m going to start keeping a log of all the non-tippers to better understand them and why they exist. This is how it will look…

Number of Non-Tippers for this shift: 2

First Non-Tipper

Race/Description: African American Male in his late 50’s

General Location: Coach House Road (next to Lynnhaven Mall)

Type of Residence: Medium Sized House

Quality of Residence (5-Star Rating): * * *

Amount of Order: Over $25

Friendly/Non-Friendly: Neutral

Second Non-Tipper

Race/Description: Caucasian Female in her 40’s, heavyset

General Location: Bancroft Hall Apartments, Essex Court.

Type of Residence: Medium sized Apartment

Quality of Residence (5-Star Rating): * *

Amount of Order: Under $20

Friendly/Non-Friendly: Friendly

Reading The History of Love while I wait for orders—hearing the high-pitched frequency of the sound of the woks heating. If I were a dog, I would imagine it sounding like a dog whistle.

Getting frustrated with my boss because she keeps delivering orders herself, which she’ll do sometimes if we get busy because I’m the only driver when I work. It’s normal for her to take one or two during a shift, but this time she over-does it by taking almost 5 orders. Those are all potential tips for me and I lose money when she does that. Because of the language barrier, it’s hard for me to express any kind of irritations to her. But have some common sense. I’m the driver. You hired me to deliver your food. Let me work!

Dinner: Penne Pasta with Sauce, Green Peppers, Onions, and Chicken. Garlic Naan Bread.

Finishing Cry-Baby [1990].

Recording acoustic guitars for “Amputate” at the storage unit.

Taking a break—eating Chocolate Chip Cookies with Milk.

Dumpster Dive at Trader Joe’s: Bananas, Peppers, Peaches, Pluots, Clementines, Apples, Tomato, Papaya, Strawberries, Muffins, English Muffins, various loaves of Bread, Cookies, Yogurt, and Crisp Rice Cereal.

Back to the unit—recording.

Eating Papaya.

Sleep around 7:15 a.m.

Saturday August 28 2010

Shortly after 11 a.m. I wake up.

Breakfast: Toasted English Muffin with Butter and Blackberry Jam. Banana. Immune Defense.

I try to remember and hold onto specific things from my dream but I lose it altogether.

Starting my 10-hour shift at China Wok.

Sneak stop at Stoney’s Produce stand for a quart of fresh ripe figs, peaches, and a watermelon. I gorge on about 12 figs right away—they’re too sweet and ready.

Texting Margot…

Her: “So why’d you text me to see what I was doing?”

Me: “always looking for ‘whys’. why?

Her: “:( I like to know peoples motives”

Me: “sometimes the best part is not knowing. you’ll ruin the fun if you know.”

Her: “Or I won’t”

She visits me at work and tags along on a few deliveries. I go on this rant about how the stereotype that black people don’t tip becomes more and more true to me the more I work at China Wok. I’ve never been prone to believe generalizations and prejudice ideas about a particular race of people, but stereotypes exist for a reason. The fact is not all non-tippers are black, but in my 6 months experience working here, they make up about 90%. Why? They live in the same middle-class homes/apartments like anybody else. I don’t get it. I risk my life to bring these people their dinner, the fruits of their labor. Don’t you dare say to me, “You don’t do anything but hand me my food.” I’m your waiter on the streets! I put wear and tear on my van. I spend money on gas. I locate your residence. I’m your room service. I perform a service for you. I make possible the most convenient meal you’re going to eat all week. And you don’t have it in you to spare even a quarter? What a snob! Don’t waste my time. Pick up your own damn food. If the problem is lack of money then why are you ordering Chinese food? It ain’t cheap.

Quick stop at the house to make Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Mango Oolong Tea.

Continuing my work shift—as time goes on the tips get more generous and I feel redeemed by the end of the night.

A Mexican boy is standing just outside the restaurant wearing really expensive sunglasses trying to look cool and get his family’s attention from inside.

My mother texts me: “Son I love u more than u will ever know”

Finally at home, eating Dinner: Chicken Noodle Soup. Garlic Naan Bread.

Watching Law Abiding Citizen [2009].

Eating Chocolate Chip Cookies and Milk.

Roma: “Cooooookies!”

Playing Unreal.

Feeling like I deserve to completely veg-out for the night.

Sleep around 4:45 a.m.

Friday August 27 2010

DREAM: Riding my bike down the street somewhere at night. I enter the courthouse district, which is supposed to be a shady area. I make u-turn near some trees. I notice a young black man is standing behind me now. I sense danger, but keep riding slowly. Every time I look back he’s closer to me. I pedal faster down the road, swerving to the left and right because he’s shooting at me now, or at least I’m scared he will. I finally make it to the house. Show N Tell is happening—people are gradually pouring in. Analyzing the dry erase board. Someone crunched up the chalk on the coffee table into chalk dust and molded various grooves and structures onto the board. One looks like a pyramid—I touch it softly and notice dust start to fall off. It looks quite impressive.

2:40 p.m. I get out of bed to sell a road bike to a craigslist customer.

Breakfast: Toasted English Muffin with Butter and Blackberry Jam. Banana. Orange Juice. Zinc, Alfalfa Grain.



Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Mango Oolong Tea. Vanilla Yogurt with Raspberries.

Watching Cry-Baby [1990].

Emily is experiencing what it feels like to be a girlfriend.

Work at China Wok for two hours.

Dinner: Vegetable Lo Mein. Eating it on the porch with the pre-showntell crowd.

8th SHOW N TELL NIGHT at 1623.

Thoroughly enjoying the camaraderie of the people, the music, and the chaos.

Ramona gives me some champagne.

Eventually, I corral everyone to the basketball courts. Lining up and coaching them how to play Shoot Out. People slowly trickle to the baseball benches nearby—they’re singing and chanting. Meeting Teresa, whose from southern California and works on the Dam Neck base. Talking to her about local culture in Virginia Beach and how I feel like what we’re doing here at the house helps keep the community alive. I’m satisfied with the friends I have and the kingdom that’s been created around me.

Eating a slice of Pizza that Elliott bought and a bowl of Frosted Shredded Wheat Cereal.

Sitting on the futon in the show room watching the crowd mellow down. I’m surrounded by such beautiful people. Doug and Jose are sharing different musical discoveries on the desktop computer. Louis has his pants off—dancing with Erin with such abandon.

Finally, I’m alone.

Cleaning up around the house.

Now I can sleep…5:30 a.m.

Thursday August 26 2010

DREAM: With my mom and some of her friends for a meeting at our old house on Goodard Drive. I’m gathering food on a plate for dinner in the kitchen. There’s a mixture of two kinds of pasta noodles with alfredo sauce and broccoli in a pan. Some parts of the noodles are dry. I take a very big helping for myself—picking out more broccoli florets. Jimmy is standing next to me. Concerned I will take too much I make sure he got enough for himself, “Did you want some?” He seems to be fine. My mom is sitting down at the table on the phone with a surprise call. “Are you giving any kind of sermon?” She seems preoccupied with the conversation on the phone but answers, “yes.” All of us are getting kind of impatient, or at least I am, because the meeting should’ve started fifteen minutes ago and I want to show this movie I think my mom and everyone else will like. We have to wait until she gets off the phone.

Shortly after 3 p.m. I wake up.

Breakfast: Toasted Bagel Plain. Instant Oatmeal Maple Brown Sugar with Pecans. Immune Defense.


Thrift Store Bohemian.

Stretching while watching Ambrotious sleep.

I go to Big Lots, Thrift Store, and Trader Joes.

I see you about four checkout lanes over from me—purple tank top, tight brown shorts. I’ve never seen such an incredibly fit body.

Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Mango Oolong Tea. Blueberries & Cream Yogurt.

Finishing up the movie, Good Dick.

At the storage unit recording and practicing. The overhead jet noise makes it difficult to control the room sound so I decide to wait till later tonight.

Margot and Emily are watching True Blood. I join them while doing ab-crunches.

Playing basketball at the courts nearby. Practicing my left handed shots.

Delicious gooey Brownies.

Joey makes a surprise visit and gives back the DVDs he borrowed ages ago. It’s a monumental moment. Remembering when he used to be around—discussions at Ricks—walks to Kmart—he’s a man with ideas.

Dinner: Red Beans and Lentils. Cabbage, Carrots, and Onions. Basmati Rice.

Everybody keeps comparing True Blood to Twilight and Margot doesn’t like it. She takes her dreamy vampire world seriously.

Wesley is doing a good impression of a stereotypical mechanic with a thick southern accent. Elliott’s text ringtone reminds us of an introductory song for a talk show. He tries to re-enact what it would look like. “Ladies and Gentlemen…Late Night With Elliott Malvas!”

Giving Margot a ride back to her house in Bay Colony—a maze of windy roads. I’ll never remember on my own how to get here. Lounging on the couch—David Blaine on the television. Just waiting for that moment when she’ll wrap her legs around my lap and straddle me. She’s wonderfully beautiful. When I move my hands over her brown skin sometimes it doesn’t seem real, but like a fantasy. Afterwards, she shows me this Wii dance game similar to Dance Dance Revolution. Watching her imitate the dance moves—it’s sexy. I think of how animals have certain mating dances or mating calls, and this is the way humans do it: we dance. Just as I’m about to leave, it starts pouring outside. Checking the weather on her laptop: clear skies and 10% chance of rain. None of it made sense—its almost as if I wasn’t supposed to leave. Despite, I face the torrential downpour fighting the puddles and foggy windows.

Eating Popcorn and a bowl of Frosted Toasties.

At the unit, the rain finally stops. Now I can record acoustic guitar without clanking rain sounds distracting the track.

Sleep around 7:15 a.m.

Wednesday August 25 2010

DREAM: It’s nighttime—in the parking lot watching Kal park his car—his window down. He’s making jokes comparing his car to a bus and talking about bus schedules. We’re supposed to be going inside somewhere to meet some girl. ☼ Inside one of the downstairs rooms of Freedom Fellowship, the church I used to go to. With a bunch of other people, maybe musicians. Chris and Kal want me to show everyone the new songs we’ve been working on, specifically the song with the really cool bridge/disco beat. I pick up someone else’s guitar and start to play but the neck keeps bending up in a weird way. The guy that owns the guitar says it’s normal for him and he likes the sound of it. He tries to fix it for me. But I give up.

3:23 p.m. waking up.

Breakfast: Toasted Bagel Plain with Butter and Blackberry Jam. Immune Defense.

Getting frustrated with dishes disappearing into my roommate’s rooms for days on end.

Tyler drops by to give the house some computer speakers. He tells me a story when he was in Japan and his sensai gave him a few scars on his hands from a sword.

Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Mango Oolong Tea. Peach.

MUSICPLAYER practice at the storage unit.

Kal thought his bass was stolen before he got there, but found out later his roommate had moved it while cleaning.

At the house with Kal and Chris. Wesley and Emily show up. They’re talking about the mosque being built near Ground Zero.

Baking more Blackberry Cobbler.

Kal is a virgin to Ambrotious’s violent behavior.

Dinner: Udon Noodles with Vegetables. Blackberry Cobbler. Milk.

After explaining to Emily that Cobbler probably isn’t a healthy thing, she says, “Robert, always reigning on my parade.”

Wesley is describing his teachers at TCC and their personality—he does really funny impersonations of them.

Unreal with Art.

At the storage unit—testing out different mikes to record acoustic guitar. It’s tedious dealing with the acoustic guitar and taming the tone and buzziness of the strings.

It’s 4 a.m. Emily’s leaving for work as I arrive home from the unit.

Eating a Scrambled Egg with Garlic Naan Bread. Maraschino Cherries.

On Skype chatting with Verity and her friend Poodles, whose birthday is a day before mine. They’re planning out their adventures when they come to America.

In Australia, moonwalks are called jumping castles.

Me: “Just play Tetris. If you get really good at Tetris, you’ll be really good at consolidating.”


Watching this offbeat romantic comedy called Good Dick.

Sleep around 7 a.m.

Tuesday August 24 2010

DREAM: Inside some kind of space landscape or virtual world where there seems to be more distance past where I’m located but when attempting to explore further it’s just planes of nothing. A big blue hand whom we call “Cal”, he’s an oracle or a powerful leader. I confront him about something.

Just after 3 p.m. I wake up.

Breakfast: Toasted Bagel Plain with Butter and Blackberry Jam. Orange Juice. Zinc, Alfalfa Grain.

My DOOM novels came in the mail.

Trip to Alpha Music to get guitar strings and get advice on how to fix buzzing.

Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Mango Oolong Tea.

Trying out a slice of the Peach Streusel Pie I made last night.

Supposed to work at the ice cream shop. Walking up to the entrance of the pier. Something feels refreshingly different. The air is cool and windy. It feels as if a burst of life has been added to all the oxygen molecules in order to heighten my awareness of everything around me.

It’s slow at the shop. After 15 minutes, I get called to help China Wok because their busy. Since Tricia is already working with me, I leave her and deliver Chinese food instead.

On the marquee of a church at the Oceanfront:



The city finally fixed that horrendous bump at the end of the off-ramp leaving I-264 onto First Colonial. I was afraid my van wouldn’t make it much further until they did.

A girl in a green sports car with a Puerto Rican flag hanging from the mirror is belching out song lyrics to some R&B song from her stereo and blatantly looking at me. I’m two lanes over. She looks pretty with her ponytail but only in a conventional way, and she’s incredibly off pitch. I just smile at her inability to feel embarrassed, as do the other drivers nearby.

Working an hour at China Wok and making the same, if not more money in an hour than I would’ve working at the ice cream shop for 5 hours.

At home, changing my electric guitar strings. Elliott shows me how to do a “New Orleans Nut Job”, which involves putting a tiny piece of wet paper underneath the string to stop buzzing.

All of us are on the porch. Wesley describes a dream he had last night where he confronts Jeff Mangum of Neutral Milk Hotel, “Hey Jeff…by the way, I don’t really understand your music, like I think it’s over hyped, like that record just wasn’t that great, like I think Pitchfork had it right when they completely ripped it to shreds. I just don’t understand it, the whole like distorted acoustic guitar bullshit. It’s not that great.” Jeff: “Huh…thank you for telling me what you really thought. It’s really great to hear constructive criticism…”

At the storage unit practicing music and doing yoga.


Drinking Beer and eating Blackberry Cobbler.

A long long long game with 7 players. Roma and Tyler split the winnings and I get third place with my money back.

Eating Edamame.

Having quite a long Skype chat with Verity. Consoling with her my current life situation and catching up. She says something that makes a lot of sense and helps me feel more comfortable with the way things are…“suck it up” basically and see it through. If it doesn’t work then it doesn’t work. “Fake it until you make it.”

Sleep 7 a.m.

Monday August 23 2010

DREAM: In a backyard next to some field faraway from the city—it’s kind of dark. With an exceptionally pretty girl with glasses and short black/brown hair—I don’t know her. It’s understood that we’re supposed to have sex or something. We’re kind of lounging next to a big shed—my legs in Indian-style. I can feel the blood flowing and causing an erection. I pull my pajama pants down just enough to free the beast. She reaches down to start oral on me but I pull her up to kiss me instead. She takes off her grey sweatpants. “Let’s just do it!” she says in an urgent voice. I slip in. We’re going at it and I can’t take my eyes off her beautiful face. There’s something so enchanting about it. I have to force myself to not look; otherwise I will finish too soon. I think I make mention of this to her. We see kids and adults in the short distance entering from a field to our right. We immediately stop what we’re doing. I just fall to the ground as if I’m playing dead or sleeping, but still keeping my eye on the people. Eventually, one by one the kids start to notice us. It’s probably quite a strange sight because we’re sitting with our pants lowered to our ankles. An old lady that owns the house nearby approaches us, “Where you guys from?” Looking down at the grass and dirt with a microscopic view—worried about ants crawling on my head. The girl says something vague. I interrupt her so I can be honest upfront, “We’re from Virginia Beach. We live here.” There’s a tomato garden to the left. Ambrotious had been prowling around in the fields next to us. It’s understood the cat was with me the whole time and that there’s no danger of him running away, like he’s just following us around. I jump up and follow him to the field where he seems to have abnormal abilities: running incredibly fast, jumping incredibly high. I assume this is because he hasn’t eaten in awhile so he’s spazzing out to get food. Somebody is playing with him. I turn around and walk back. The kids and adults are setting up a potluck dinner on a long table. I walk past pretending to maybe join them. I’m inside a hotel banquet hall now. I see a bigger than normal peacock bird with his feathers held in. It’s understood that places like this always have a peacock roaming around in its quarters. Further in, I make it to the cafeteria kitchen. As soon as I do, the scene switches. ☼ I’m being confronted by a man who’s a part of a gang or mob, and I am too, but they’re calling me out on something or conducting some initiation test on me. He walks up to me ready to fight but I swing my fist first and throw him to the ground hoping this will enhance my reputation with the rest of the crew. We’re on a bus now driving on the interstate. I notice everyone is black except for me and everyone is wearing army camouflage pants. Every time another bus rolls past us, we anticipate it to be an enemy undercover ready to fire. Each time seems to be a false alarm and I hear the group banter on with statements like, “I almost popped that bitch!” “I would’ve killed him.” “uhuh!”

Just before 3 p.m. I wake up.

Breakfast: Hot Oat Bran Cereal with Cinnamon, Brown Sugar, and Milk. Zinc, Alfalfa Grain.

Rocky is on the couch frustrated with Tyler because he’s going to be late meeting her at the house.


My beautiful friend makes beautiful music:

Trip to Big Lots and the Thrift Store.

Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Mango Oolong Tea. Maraschino Cherries.

Watching the rest of Control [2004].

Returning a book at Borders.

Then to the storage unit setting up recording plans for the week.

Elliott, Eric, and Carlos show up to practice in Elliott’s unit.

Playing bass for Elliott’s project with him on guitar and Eric on drums.

Doing ab-rolls and watching Teen Witch.

JP shows up. After informing Margot of the movie we’re watching, she texts me back with, “AHHHHHHHHHhh COMING NOW”

Dinner: Penne Pasta with Peppers and Onions. Salad. Garlic Naan Bread.

Sipping red wine and eating Blackberry Cobbler made from scratch.

Airplane 2 The Sequel.

Margot likes to add “why” to the end of every statement and also turn two questions into one.

Ambrotious and Margot are both after a ladybug flying around the living room.

Learning Russian on Rosetta Stone while Margot naps on the couch.

A little late night sexual delight.

Baking a Peach Streusel Pie.


Sleep around 7 a.m.

Sunday August 22 2010

Just before 3:30 p.m. I wake up.

Breakfast: Toasted Bagel Plain with Butter and Blackberry Jam. Orange Juice. Zinc, Alfalfa Grain.

Work at China Wok.

Snacking on some Fried Chicken Bites from a customer’s unwanted takeout box.

The routine of working this job is starting to cause a heightened awareness of my senses—the hard connection of my feet with the asphalt ground as I walk to the door of the customer—the heaviness of a bag of food, the pressure under the arch of my fingers—the swiftness of getting in and out of the car, lowering my head just in time to prevent hitting it above the door. I notice my breaths are too short causing me to rush, so I prolong my breaths, the windows down, and the fresh rain air flowing into my lungs.

Leaving my shift with a well-rewarded pay.

It’s 9:36 p.m. and I’m eating a Grilled Cheese with Tomato, Salt N Vinegar Chips, and Mango Oolong Tea. Not sure whether to call this lunch or dinner.

Emily, Wesley, and Elliot are watching Pet Sematary. Margot walks in. Everybody is eating Chinese food, but none of it was ordered from China Wok. I make my disapproval known.


Eating a bowl of Blueberry Frosted Mini-Wheats mixed with Frosted Flakes.

Emily and Margot are watching True Blood.

Exercising with ab-rolls and watching it with them.

Eating Peaches.


Edwin makes a surprise visit with a friend. They went out somewhere and came back. The girl left him here at the house.

Making a flaky piecrust to bake a pie with later.

Hearing a strange saw noise coming from the bathroom—discovering Edwin on the floor past out and snoring.

Dumpster Dive at Trader Joe’s: a crate of Blackberries, Apples, Nectarines, Zucchini, Apple Sauce, Salad Greens, 2 dozen Eggs, Naan Bread, Pasta, Apple Bars, Maraschino Cherries, Green Peppers, and Cod Fish Fillets.

It’s 3:20 a.m. Rachel calls me. JP needs me to jumpstart his car at her place. I head over and invite JP to the house to feast on all the blackberries I got. Washing the fruit, he sits in the computer chair trying desperately to remember a thought he had earlier today. In talking, I use the words, “feels good,” and it reminds him of what it was: something about time lost being the same as time gained.

Eating a Scrambled Egg, Steamed Green Beans and Zucchini, and Garlic Naan Bread.

Playing Unreal.

And watching Control [2004].

Sleep 7 a.m.

Saturday August 21 2010

DREAM: I jump out of my bed as if I’m waking up. I slip right into my office chair and open up Ableton on my computer. Listening through a smash up of songs I was working on the night before. For some reason it sounds better than yesterday’s listening. I can distinctly hear a rhythmic organ sound pulsing over a backdrop of a big dance beat and beautiful female lead vocals. Switch to a view of some kind of computer game involving four drastically different characters running through a level full of hills and slopes and all kinds of obstacles. One character looks like a white eggplant with a big face, and the others, various vegetables. They don’t seem to be getting hurt and they don’t have life bars, as if it’s the demo screen and their just running through it. I’m watching all of this. I remember thinking how much this reminds me of the Xiu Xiu music video for “Boy Soprano”.

1:30 p.m. waking up.

Breakfast: Instant Oatmeal with Raisins. Toasted Bagel Plain with Butter and Blackberry Jam. Orange Juice.

With Mark at the studio setting up the tracks for me to record.

Lunch at Panera: Tuna Salad Sandwich with Lettuce, Tomato, and Onion. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Mango Oolong Tea.

Reading the newspaper—an article about bed bugs outbreak in offices and homes—an article about salmonella and an egg recall.

MUSICPLAYER show at Club Relevant with Cool Hand Luke, Quiet Science, The Delivery, and The Opening Act.

We seem to have a good response—giving out free stickers—taking in the compliments.

Watching Quiet Science, who takes to a sound similar to The Killers.

Eating Vegetable Lo Mein from the Chinese food that was bought for the bands.

Sitting on a comfy couch and listening to Mark of Cool Hand Luke play the piano and sing. It’s beautiful. Feeling more inspiration to record a piano album. He’s always put off a soothing and humble vibe whenever I see him perform. He’s never lost his faith in God and still has a strong heart to be a “disciple of Jesus”. It’s a sad and nostalgic moment hearing him speak about the timeline of his band, Cool Hand Luke and the digression they’ve taken. After the show, talking with him and sharing tour stories, then Nathan of Quiet Science about his band and how they got where they are now.

Outside with Mike Ebert and Jamie Cheek discussing ideas—filming a year of your life and then adding your own soundtrack to it. Mike used to drive an ice cream truck for a job.

At home, indulging in a bowl of Frosted Shredded Wheat Cereal.

Tweaking the MUSICPLAYER website and learning more about wordpress.


Eating Edamame and a Powdered Pastry.


Sleep 6 a.m.

Friday August 20 2010

DREAM: Stopping by Keith and Danielle’s house. I want to leave my laptop there for some reason. I walk in and there are new kids I don’t recognize playing on the floor. I set up my laptop on the shelf near the TV. I have it on and it’s playing a music video by The Clash. I’m concerned about the volume being too loud for the kids when they go to sleep. Danielle suggests I plug the sound into the TV instead of the stereo. So I find this white auxiliary cord and plug it in. I’m in the kitchen now and it looks just like the kitchen in my house, almost identical. Tyler Watts walks in through the front door. I make a joke to him, “This isn’t a party house, Tyler. Do you think this is a party house?” I see Pizza and other finger foods on the counter. Rocky starts to grab a slice, then another, then another, taking her time. I get frustrated because I’m hungry and she seems to be doing it on purpose to annoy me. So I shove her out of the way and grab pizza for myself. ☼ Switch to a scene where I’m exploring around a park nearby Keith and Danielle’s house. It’s daylight and Tyler is asleep just below the hill. I see an orange rooster standing by himself. All of a sudden he starts gnashing at me and then the rest of his gang follows. I assume I’m just in their way and they want to just get past me. I don’t feel like they would harm me but my animal instincts tell me to back off. They continue on and I retreat up a slide in the park. More chickens appear along with a few dogs. I want to yell to Tyler, “Look Tyler! It’s Homeward Bound 2!” but I know he’s sleeping. A pig is straggling behind the gang. I swoop down the slide and pet the pig a few times. He’s pink and his nose is muddy. I sympathize with the pig because he can’t be a part of the flow.

Waking up a little after 2 p.m.

Breakfast: Toasted Plain Bagel with Butter and Blackberry Jam. Orange Juice. Zinc, Alfalfa Grain.

Business and scheduling.

Practicing songs at the storage unit for the show tonight.

Lunch: Egg Salad Sandwich with Tomato. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Mango Oolong Tea.

Chris Cloud comes over to capture a few more interviews for the Tokyo DVD.

He films me on the basketball court playing a game of 21 with a few strangers.

Eating Watermelon and Figs.

Playing a MUSICPLAYER show at Chicho’s Pizza in Chesapeake. Performing a solo set, then the full band set. We rock Weezer songs, “Island in the Sun” and “The Sweater Song”. They cause booties to shake and lips to sing.

Eating Pizza and drinking a Blue Moon.

Back at home with Margot. Drinking Passion Peach Smoothies and eating Edamame with Greens and Carrots. Watching True Blood. It feels good to veg out after a hard working show.

Sleep around 5 a.m.

Thursday August 19 2010

DREAM: There’s two semi-trucks lined up one in front of the other at a truck stop. One of them is very big and red. It’s supposed to be an attraction for people to take tours inside. There’s a big white man in the driver seat but I can barely see him because the windows are tinted. I want to see inside and take the tour but I sense something evil about the truck. I jump on the back of it hanging onto the silver rods. The truck feels me and every time I get on, it reverses in attempt to shrug me off. Finally, the big white man opens the door and gets out of the truck. I reason with him, “Hey man, I know you’re probably sick of people seeing your truck as an attraction, but I just want to see inside.” Out of the corner of my eye I see another man quickly hop on the truck and leave just as quickly as if he was making some kind of illegal transaction. His eyes are glaring a sinister red color. From a distance, looking inside the truck and observing the crazy computer consoles.

Waking up to the alarm.

Conducting a mystery shop McDonalds off VB Blvd.

Eating a Chicken Sandwich and Fries with Orange Juice. Then swallowing Zinc and Alfalfa Grain.

While sitting in the restaurant, Emily calls me randomly. She says she’s in a super happy mood and just wanted to tell me she loved me and that she was sorry for not talking to me that time when I was in a desperate state and needed someone to talk to.

With Margot thrift store shopping just past Witchduck Rd.

The stealth quickie in the fitting room releases too many endorphins for me to handle.

Drinking coffee and relaxing on the couch. Margot is napping next to me.

Fixing flashlights.

Eating Figs and Watermelon.


Lunch: Toasted Peanut Butter Sandwich. Quaker Cheddar Cheese Rice Crackers. Mango Oolong Tea. Peach.

Recording at the storage unit.

Kal and Chris meet up later for practice. We have a show tomorrow at Chichos Pizza in Chesapeake, then Club Relevant on Saturday.

Afterwards, talking with Kal outside about our nerdy tendencies, his towards being a beer connoisseur, and mine towards collecting and documenting. He threw away his old journals and I’ve kept mine. He says if it’s important then he’ll remember it. Memory triggers are more necessary than the details.

Eating more Watermelon and Figs.

Talking with Art in the kitchen. He tells me about this mob and pimp system in Russia where about 50 homeless people are hired to ask for change in the streets. It’s collected everyday in return for food and shelter. So the mob keeps all the change money, which can amount to almost $2,000 a day.

Dinner: Red Beans and Lentils with Rice. Steamed Green Beans and Broccoli.

Emily arrives home from Maryland with her new Saturn car.

Eating Chocolate Chip Cookies with Milk.

Margot puts on the first season of True Blood. I introduce myself to it and discover I may be halfway there to becoming a vampire myself—the night is my friend.

Pulling a few more hours of recording at the storage unit.

Sleep at 5:45 a.m.

Wednesday August 18 2010

DREAM: It’s nighttime. Margot and I are breaking into Alanton Elementary School, my old school from Kindergarten to Second grade. I find a note and a small amount of money left in the foyer for somebody to pick up in the morning. I take it even though I know I’m not supposed to. Walking further in I discover two people sleeping on the floor in front of the music hall. I suspect it to be my old chorus director Ms. Sunderland and maybe her boyfriend or husband. For some reason, I’m alone and Margot isn’t with me at this time. I try to be extra quiet. Walking through the other hallways. There’s a dreary blue color outside the windows. My memories of the layout come back to me as I continue exploring. I find a bedroom fully decked out like a guest room. Margot is with me now and we decide to go to sleep. After a short while I hear Ms. Sunderland and her husband come into the room and call my name quietly, “Robert. Robert. Robert.” The husband, who seems to be dressed like a police officer, tells me we can’t sleep here and we have to leave. I’m frustrated because we just fell asleep like 30 minutes ago. He explains that last time people stayed here they damaged their car. He shows me the courtyard where their red car was parked. I assure him we would do nothing of the sort and that Ms. Sunderland knows me from a long time ago and she can trust me. Sitting down at a very long dinner table eating with a lot of people. The man seems to be warming up to me as we continue to talk and laugh with the others.

A little after 3 p.m. I get out of bed.

Breakfast: Toasted Bagel Plain with Butter and Blackberry Jam. Orange Juice. Zinc, Alfalfa Grain.

Big Lots and Stoney’s Produce. Buying more peaches, a pound of green beans, and a basket of figs.

Prophet Muhammad speaks on figs in the Quran, "If I had to mention a fruit that descended from paradise, I would say this is it because the paradisiacal fruits do not have from these fruits for they prevent hemorrhoids, prevent piles and help gout."

Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Mango Oolong Tea. Peaches and Figs.

Watching some of Outland [1981].

Recording guitar tracks at the storage unit for a few hours.

Stretching and exercising.

Watching Outland [1981].

Dinner: Baked Tilapia. Rice. Steamed Green Beans and Broccoli.

JP makes a surprise visit walking in with his guitar.

Sitting at the card table with him eating dinner and sharing figs. He tells me the story on how he got his guitar and his current songwriting plans. He’s going to try to get on the Drag City label.

Watching Buffalo ’66 [1998] with JP on the couch.

Margot comes over. She comments as I clean the dishes, “Washing dishes eternally!”

She informs me of all the 10 billion guys that tried to hit on her tonight when she was out with her friend.

She refuses to take a bite out of a fig despite my persistence in trying to get her to. I take great pleasure in sharing my sensuous experiences with others, and it’s especially pleasurable when they experience it in the same positive way I felt. Later, after many words, I manage to get her to hold out her hand and accept an unknown object from me: a tiny plastic silver ball. “It’s a gift…it’s a sphere…it symbolizes your trust in me.” This also symbolizes both of our stubbornness.

Eating a bowl of Frosted Shredded Wheat Cereal.

Watching the cat lie on the floor in such a way JP says, “I think that is the cat that inspired the sphinx.”

JP leaves with battle scars from Ambrotious.

Enjoying her warm body all over me.


Asleep by her side around 5:30 a.m.

Tuesday August 17 2010

DREAM: Kyle asks me to take one of his opening morning shifts at the Sonic on Nimmo. I open up the store and the place has changed. There are hardwood floors instead of the tiled floors and it’s more spacious. I tell the carhop that’s opening with me how long it’s been since I’ve worked here and I’ll try my best to remember everything. The onion ring rack is out and I decide not to make anymore because there’s plenty and I predict it to not be a busy day. I find the food warmer for the corndogs and chicken breasts was left dirty and unclean from the night before. I get angry and pull out the drawer in frustration. It feels strange yet very familiar to be working at Sonic again.

Waking up at 1:20ish p.m. to the sound of my alarm. Listening to doors opening and shutting in the hallway over and over and over and over and over again. It seriously sounds like someone is just walking back and forth through each room for the heck of it.

Breakfast: Toasted Bagel Plain with Butter and Blackberry Jam. Orange Juice. Zinc, Alfalfa Grain.

Delivering a mattress set to Liah in Norfolk.

I stop by this little European market store off Little Creek and buy some authentic Russian and Ukrainian chocolate candies.

Eating Watermelon.


Lunch: Egg Salad Sandwich with Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Mango Oolong Tea. Peach.

Resting at the storage unit for a little bit.

Work at the ice cream shop.

Eating a Strawberry and Peach Milkshake.

A dad and a mom walk into the shop with two strollers each with their respective male and female toddlers. The little girl begins to scream and cry uncontrollably. The mother in frustration says, “Im gonna squeeze your little head.” They leave shortly after without purchasing any ice cream.

Defrosting the freezer.

Dinner: Penne Pasta with Onions and Green Peppers. Garlic Bread.

Poker night with the Russians. Tyler shows up and joins in.

Drinking Mojitos, a traditional Cuban drink made with rum and mint leaves.

Gathered around on the couch while Karina shows us hilarious videos of her Ukrainian president caught doing stupid things live on camera, including an instance where an egg is thrown onto him and he falls to the ground as if he’d been shot.

Tracking guitars at the storage unit for a few hours.

Sleep around 7 a.m.