Wednesday April 30 2014

Mixed Media on Vinyl by Ana. (April 30 2014)[i]
(by Ana)

Waking up at 12:57 p.m.

Wheat Flakes and Berry Cobbler Granola with Almond Milk. Mango.

Organizing things downstairs.

Hard Boiled Egg. Tomatoes. Cinnamon Raisin English Muffin. Baked Chips. Green Tea with Honey. Apple.

Watching a documentary about an island off the coast of Brazil that's infested with snakes that have the most poisonous venom known to man.

Ana gets off work – we go to the Rec Center together – working out – shooting the basketball around.

Back at the house. Sharing a Super Spinach Salad and a large Cheese Pizza from Chicho's.

It's CRAFTS ~&~ ARTS tonight. In the dining room we've set up markers, paints, pizza boxes, etc. spread out across two tables. Josh and Darren are gulping down shots of vodka and rum. Mixed drinks are passed around. It's loud. They've got the stereo cranked to the highest possible volume. It's supposed to be arts and crafts night not get drunk and obnoxious night. Despite, people manage to create some things...

By Ken. Acrylic on Trader Joe's Paper Bag. (April 30 2014)(by Ken)

Goodbye Gift to Pissghetti. Acrylic on Pizza Box by Stef. (April 30 2014)(by Stef)

Mixed Media Collage by Elliott. (April 30 2014)(by Elliott)

The Videomatic Eye. Mixed Media Collage by me. (April 30 2014)(by me)

Meanwhile, Ana serves up some of her delectable Chocolate Silk Pie topped with Raspberries.

Later, in the bedroom. Ana and I practice songs we'll be performing this Saturday. Cuddling in the bed – instigating a light hearted conversation about the expectations we have of each other.

I turn over facing the wall as she caresses my backside eventually leading to elated sexual behavior.

Sleep at some late hour.

[i] Photographs by me. Items made by various people.

Tuesday April 29 2014

Basketball at the Rec (April 29 2014)[i]

Waking up at 12:07 p.m.

Oatmeal Flakes and Berry Cobbler Granola with Almond Milk.

Teaching a piano lesson to Mike Farley.


Scrambled Eggs. Cinnamon Raisin English Muffin with Non-Dairy Cream Cheese. Baked Salt n Vinegar Chips. Black Tea with Honey.

At the Rec Center – working out in the weight room – then organized basketball in the gym. Ana's here too doing her own body building.

Back home. Revitalizing my body with Mango.

Leftover Black Beans, Brussel Sprouts, Carrots, Red Peppers, Black Rice, and Yeast Rolls.

Watching Her (2013).

Sleep at some point.

[i] Image by me.

Monday April 28 2014

Rain Droplet Face (April 28 2014) (1)[i]

Waking up at 12:47 p.m.

Wheat Flakes and Berry Cobbler Granola with Almond Milk. Tangelo.

General chores – vacuuming the living room, stairs, and hallway.

Peanut Butter Bagel. Baked Salt n Vinegar Chips. Sparkling Clementine Izze.

Meeting up at The Naro for the 7 p.m. showing of Under the Skin (2014). Sitting with Ana, Ken, Leisa, and Andre. I'll quote a review I read online: "visually stunning and deeply disturbing: very freaky, very scary and very erotic." When we were finally greeted by the credits I figured it was time to breathe – I didn't even realize I had been holding my breath the whole time (or at least it seemed I was). It also had the kind of haunting soundtrack that sticks in your head long after you leave the theater.

Afterwards, we stop by The Cure coffee shop to say hi to James Graves who's working a shift.

"I feel like I haven't seen you in a long time," I say to James.

Ana chimes in, "I agree."

James: "You agree that Robert hasn't seen me in a long time?"

[insert laughter]


Then to Tortilla West for dinner. Three Black Bean Tacos and a side of Garlic Sautéed Spinach. I notice a slight rudeness from Ana while we were dining. She did mention she barely ate anything today besides a cookie and a couple espressos. When driving her back to her car we get the chance to reflect. I park in a lot near Colley Avenue...

Ana: "Well I know that it's partly lack of sleep because lack of sleep makes you grumpy and just not think correctly – I just know that not having any sleep is bad for you."

Me: "Yeah of course. That's true. So...what else? You have other insights?"

Ana: "I just feel like the more we hang out the more I don't think that we should be together. I think that you could find somebody more suitable for you."

She tends to have these kinds of thoughts when under stress so I don't take these statements seriously – only half seriously.

Me: "Oh c'mon. Really? You're gonna say this to me right now?"


Ana: "Maybe it's just me adjusting to you."

Me: "I think you're all over the place right now."

As the rain falls on top of the car tapping on the windshield in a hypnotic rhythm, it feels like a scene from the movie we just watched – hideously beautiful. I stare at her face where the reflection of the rain droplets appears creating a mask. 

Rain Droplet Face (April 28 2014) (2)

Me: "Is the rain too loud?"

Ana: "No I like the sound of rain as long as I'm not in it. It's kind of relaxing."


Ana: "I feel like the only reason you care about me is because we spend time together and stuff."

Me: "How do you think love works? That's how it works – you spend time with somebody and you develop affections for them and you care for them. It's about getting to know each other."

Ana: "I can't even – I can't even think – I wanna go to sleep."

Me: "Yeah you're just delirious."


Me: "I think you're just afraid. You saying, I don't think we should be together – that's something someone would say when they're afraid. And I don't know why you're afraid."

Ana: "I'm just afraid what I did to someone, you're gonna do to me – I just left them."

Me: "So you're afraid of me leaving you."

Ana: "I've never been left before. I'm the one who left before."

Me: "Alright. I'll make a deal with you: I will never choose to leave you. Only you can choose to leave me."

Ana: "That's horrible. That is a horrible deal!"

Me: "That way you're secure – you don't have to be afraid of me leaving you."

I chuckle.

Ana: "That's so silly. Because it's not [secure] It doesn't matter what anyone says. I always feel like everything changes."

Me: "Yeah. Everything is seasonal. You think that's true?"


After some lighthearted philosophical talk about relationships and the movie I ask outright, "Would you be interested in kissing me right now?"

She just laughs. And then we kiss with a fresh romantic energy.

Ana: "I think I know why I don't feel close to you."

Me: "Why? Because you don't kiss me enough?"

Later, back home. Sipping on Tea and Orange Juice.

Sleep 4 a.m.

[i] Images by me.

Sunday April 27 2014

Darren Judging the Tourists (April 27 2014)[i]

Waking up at 12:36 p.m.

Wheat Flakes and Berry Cobbler Granola with Almond Milk.

Darren and Richie are loitering downstairs. My project today is to install a new shelf above the kitchen sink. Before I've been using shower rods to hold up pieces of board but every few months or so they just fall. Darren gives me a hand using his craftsman knowledge.

Darren keeps bugging me about taking a bike ride to the oceanfront. It's bright and sunny but with a chilly breeze constantly bombarding our direction. We gobble down Bananas then ride up to La Dolce Vita Bakery where Ana is working. She's surprised to see us. I hand her a banana and say, "This isn't a banana in my hand. I'm just happy to see you." We grab some Iced Coffees and continue on the bike path on the boardwalk. After reaching the fishing pier near 15th I pause in reflection and explain to Darren some of the memories I have working at the ice cream shop that used to be here.

Me: "This is where it all began. This is where I met Margot. She used to work here with me and her mom worked across the way at Ocean Eddie's."

Somewhere on the ride back Darren realizes his glasses fell out of his pocket. He's on a time constraint and has work at 4 so I volunteer to retrace our tracks and look for them. No luck.

Attack the Matrix (April 27 2014)

During my search I found a notebook dried out from the rain sitting purposefully underneath graffiti that reads "ATTACK THE MATRIX". I meet up with Ana outside the bakery and skim through the writing. The handwriting belongs to a guy named Rich – it seems to be a combination of notes from sessions in a class about Christian Psychotherapy taught by a Dr. Kent Heintzelman ( and other personal notes. Some quotes are as follows:

"No sex, why? Only thing to focus on right now is recovery from alcohol, no distractions.
We are all survivors of the great shipwreck of life.
If someone is an irritant, make friends, learn something from that person.
My mind is wandering
Important point in recovery...
            — It is a continuing work
            —Don't compare to anyone
            —I am on my own path
My present condition is mostly the result of my choices.
It is known that people are notoriously biased based on their prior beliefs.
Forgiveness – once achieved it fly flies around on its own force a life of its own.
I've made the divorce such a huge issue.
Think how many millions of people are having the same experience?
Hi Gail,
I hope this letter finds you happy and well. I wish want to take this time moment to apologize to you for my self centeredness that ended contributed to our breakup. I have come to see that I was neglected my responsibilities as a husband and your emotional and spiritual needs in particular.
I am sincerely sorry and pray that one day you will find forgiveness. I want the best for you.
Emotional IQ regulates much of our life choices. Not same as intellectual IQ. The EIQ puts the final rubber stamp on a choice of action. Recovery involves raising your emotional IQ.
Follow thru w/ letter to Gail. Results: Gets rid of baggage in my head. What she may or may not do is irrelevant.
Must be sober minded.
The disease is a multi-headed dragon. Must deal with all heads.
Look into a mirror as a crave happens and ask how did it feel? HOW DID IT FEEL??
Emotional IQ will dictate our choices NOT INTELLECT!!
I will comprehend the word serenity."

Back at the house with Ana. I fix us up a wholesome lunch: Eggs, French Batard Bread, Arugula Salad with Tomatoes, Chips and Salsa, and Mango.

I take us to the basketball courts by Lynnhaven Middle School. Been a while since I've played out here. There're a few other players shooting around. I play a few 2-on-2 games with them while Ana walks the track field.

Back at the house with Ana. Sharing OJ then preparing dinner. The whole house family (Josh, Darren, and Devon) is gathered at the dining room table (minus Kevin). While Ana and I eat Shrimp Stir Fry with Mixed Vegetables and Rice, the others are having a failed attempt at a oyster and champagne night which consists of the cheapest TJ's bottles and one small container of canned oysters. Ana and I socialize for a while and then retreat to the bedroom.

Singing songs together then settling down in the bed to watch The United States of Leland (2002).

Me: "You're so adorable. You always look like you're just waiting to be cuddled with."

Sleep at some late hour.

[i] Images by me.

Saturday April 26 2014

George Myers.[i]

Waking up at 10:50 a.m.

Wheat Flakes and Berry Cobbler Granola with room temp Almond Milk (cause I forgot to put one in the fridge the night before).

All day shift at China Wok.


Mixed Nuts and Raisins. Egg Drop Soup. Baked Salt n Vinegar Chips. Sparkling Clementine Izze.

It's a frantic dinner rush. Lucky for me we're not getting a thousand orders to the oceanfront. Cause this weekend is College Weekend where all the juvenile young adults take over the beach streets. The cops are literally on every corner. Motorcycle cops are pulling people over right and left on 264.

It's 11 p.m. Just when I think I'll be able to cash out and write in a period to this never-ending day, I come back to the restaurant to find one more order. Ling and Ming are busy doing all sorts of things in the kitchen. I just don't understand. Their behavior is unpredictable. I snag the order and drive off. I'm upset to be working later than usual. To be honest if I had already eaten dinner I wouldn't be so cranky.

I yell out in the car, "At some fucking point this day has to end. This day needs to CON-CLUDE!"

And it does sooner or later...

Back home.

Tofu with Broccoli, Onions, Carrots, and Rice in Garlic Sauce.

Watching Roger Dodger (2002).

Mango Mango Loose Leaf Tea.

Sleep at 4 a.m.

[i] George Myers.

Friday April 25 2014

Adam Karig Haynes[i]

Just before 7 a.m. my beautiful adorable girl instigates morning sex. Then she's off to work and I'm back to sleep.

Waking up a little late for work at 11:13 a.m.

Wheat Flakes and Berry Cobbler Granola with Almond Milk. Tangelo.

All day shift at China Wok.

It's slow in the afternoon but I keep myself busy bagging the fried noodles, stocking the sodas, and washing off the pollen from the windows.

Egg Drop Soup with Fried Noodles.

Peanut Butter Bagel. Sparkling Clementine Izze. Milk Chocolate

Around dinner time business picks up dramatically. A storm is brewing from afar. The sky cracks open to a big rain. Thunder and lightening flashes in the distance. The streets start to flood. My windshield fogs up. I forgot my raincoat so I improvise by carrying a towel over my head. This bad weather only encourages people to call in with orders. It's non-stop.

When the clock strikes 11 p.m. all is settled. Cecily cashes me out quickly. I walk to the back to place my usual dinner request – they always cook me a meal at the end of the day. But to my dismay Ling and Ming refuse to cook anything else – they're just standing there chomping on McDonald's burgers (I've never seen them eat fast food before). "We no more cook." I'm very disappointed and slightly insulted because I drive all day long and the biggest thing I look forward to is a fresh hot steamy serving of Chinese food. I plan this into my meals. I don't plan to cook nor do I have the time to cook. All I want to do is relax after 11 hours of work. But I understand where they're coming from as they've been slaving away over the hot woks all day and they have to close the kitchen at some point. At any rate, I grab some unwanted Fried Chicken and an Egg Roll from a messed up order and head home. I throw the chicken together with some Arugula and Tomatoes and voila! Tummy happy.

Sleep at some semi-late hour.

[i] Adam Karig Haynes.

Thursday April 24 2014

Franco Matticchio[i]

☼ ○ ▬

I discover a secret cave near a waterfall in the forest. Exploring the inside – it appears somebody already made themselves a home here. There's a bookshelf, a lamp, and a few chairs. This cave seems too fresh and lived in. It pops in my head that there should be a secret door behind one of the desks. I'm right. As I move the desk away the lamp flickers on. There's a crawl space that leads to a stairs. A single black family is living up there. I assure the man of the house I won't tell anyone – they must be hiding for a reason. Later on, travelers appear – more and more people show up to check out this cave. I left the secret doorway open on accident. I whisper to a news reporter, "They live here. It's a secret. If too many people find out it could be bad. The state owns this forest so they could kick them out."

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up at 1:15 p.m.

Wheat Flakes and Berry Cobbler Granola with Almond Milk. Mango.

Errands. After dropping off a letter in the mailbox I decide to browse in the thrift store for a little bit. In my opinion there's an uncomfortable amount of people in here today. I start to get irritated but I make sure not to show it. I spend most of my time just waiting for others to pass through the aisles. Later on at Trader Joe's and Whole Foods I experience the same feeling of claustrophobia. I don’t know if it's just the fact that I'm shopping at rush hour or if I'm extra sensitive to crowds today.

Sesame Bagel with Vegan Cream Cheese. Tortilla Chips with Guacamole.

Work at China Wok for a few hours. It's busier than Tuesday when I only delivered four orders in two hours. Tonight it's eleven orders in two and half hours.

Ana just finished working out at the gym and rides in the passenger seat on my last delivery. When I drop her off at the car she's suddenly lost the whereabouts of her keys. She swipes her hand over the seat and checks the floor becoming slightly stressed.

"Did you check your pockets?" I ask.

I reach my hand in her left pocket and there they magically were. Embarrassed, she tries to avoid my giddy embrace but I reach my arms around her and say, "You are so adorable. I love you."

Back at the house. Ana meets me here. Everyone's hanging out downstairs while I cook up a meal for Ana and I: Honey Beer Glazed Black Beans with Onions, Red Peppers, Brussel Sprouts, Carrots, and a Black Rice-Jasmine Rice mixture.


Afterwards, we rehearse a few songs in my room. Then attempt to make a recipe she found online. The recipe called for 2 tsp of rum essence but Ana saw 3 tbsp of rum and we realize this is the culprit – a fair mistake on her part. We basically tripled the amount of rum essence we were supposed to use. I try my best to sweeten it up and get rid of the strong rum flavor but we eventually call it quits. I seal the mix in a plastic bag with plans to fix it another time.

Sleep 3:30 a.m.

[i] Franco Matticchio.

Wednesday April 23 2014


Waking up at 12:40 p.m.

Wheat Flakes and Berry Cobbler Granola with Almond Milk.

Basketball shoe shopping online.

Peanut Butter Bagel. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Navel Orange. Black Tea with Honey.

At the Princess Anne Rec Center for adult basketball. I run into a fellow baller outside before the games. Ash is his name. He's one of the older players, about 37 years old. We don't usually converse but he decides to introduce himself this time.

Ash: "Hey you got a hot girlfriend, man."

Me: "Heh-heh. Thanks. She's a good one. We've been together for about a year now."

He compliments my game play from last time and we talk about how important it is to just keep playing no matter what cause that's how you improve.

"I was garbage when I first started," he says.


Inside, I don't feel satisfied with my game tonight – one of the guys on my team keeps harping on me over every little mishap. But there's always comedy relief with that infamous scrawny white boy, Steven, who never fails to shout out "KO-BE, baby! KO-BE!" after every shot he makes.

Back home.


Leftover Barbecue Garlic Salmon with Brussel Sprouts, Carrots, and Rice.

Meeting with Leisa at Rick's Café to shoot the first scene of the short film I'm making. Using my phone camera we knock out a good six takes.

Blueberry Rooibos Tea. Banana Cream Pie.

Brainstorming and composing the next scene.

Sleep 4 a.m.

[i] Converse Star Player Shoes.

Tuesday April 22 2014

From Alien Worlds.[i]

At some odd early hour just before the sun is rising I feel a pleasurable touch from my bedmate. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with a hard-on – I guess Ana noticed it and took advantage. It feels beautiful to be inside her at daybreak.

Waking up at 11 a.m.

Wheat Flakes and Maple Granola with Almond Milk.

I drive over to Mike Farley's house off Silina – he's a new piano student of mine, first lesson. He's a 37-year-old family man – he contacted me from a lessons website I set up a few months ago. I'm happy to be teaching again. He's got a quiet and peppy dog hopping around vying for attention. For the pilot lesson I teach him basic fingering patterns for the major scales.

Navel Orange.

Scrambled Egg. Bagel with Vegan Cream Cheese. Baked Salt n Vinegar Chips. Green Tea with Honey.

At the Rec Center – working out – practicing basketball.

Sparkling Clementine Izze.

Work at China Wok for a few hours – it's extremely slow and there's no reason for me to be here. But I deliver four orders and make some chump change.


Barbecue Garlic Salmon with Brussel Sprouts, Carrots, Onions, and Rice.

Watching Ali (2001).

General business on the computer.

She says, "You take care of everything all the time, and I admire that in you so much."

Sleep 3:30 a.m.

[i] From Alien Worlds.

Monday April 21 2014


☼ ○ ▬

There's a box made of old wooden planks – it's filled with dried soil and what's understood to be the ashes of an old woman who died over a century ago. The story is she was buried alive – her arms and legs tied to the edge of the box with thick strings. I'm with a few others who encourage me to cut the string so that her soul can be freed. I don't know why we unearthed the coffin to begin with. The whole situation is eerie. I try to cut the string with a pair of scissors – it's difficult. There's a heaviness in the air and I'm scared. I tell the others, "I'm afraid! I'm afraid! I can't do this." Somehow I manage to loosen all the strings attached to the box and voila, the soul is freed.

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up around 11 a.m.

Wheat Flakes and Blueberry Muesli with Almond Milk.

All day shift at China Wok.

Five Guys French Fries with Ketchup (it's been a while). Green Tea with Honey.

It's a slow one today, not unusual for a Monday.

Apple. Almond Granola Bar.

Just getting through the evening...until it's over.

Off work and back home. Darren and Devon are a tad bit high attempting to dance to salsa music.

Baby Broccoli, Carrots, and Mushroom Mochi.

It's Movie Night. Will comes bearing gifts of homemade Kombucha. Ana shares the Banana Cream Pie she slaved over the night before. It's an absolute hit.

Me: "This is seriously delicious. I could see your bakery selling this."

Ana's Banana Cream Pie (April 21 2014)

Tonight's presentation: Alejandro Jodorowsky's The Holy Mountain (1973). Two hours of symbolic surrealistic visual overload. It's like watching a series of paintings come to life.

Incredibly tired. Settling in the bed with Ana at 3:30 a.m.

[i] From The Holy Mountain.

Sunday April 20 2014

Ana in Elevator (April 20 2014)[i]

Waking up at 11:20 a.m.

Wheat Flakes, Maple Granola, and Raisins with Almond Milk.

All day shift at China Wok.

Navel Orange.

It's Easter and people keep calling to ask if we're open or not. Just because Jesus has risen today doesn't mean nobody eats.

Peanut Butter Sandwich. Almond Granola Bar. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Green Tea with Honey.

Janice is running around the restaurant like a mini tornado of energy screaming, bouncing the ball, and spraying every bug in sight with water.

Ana shows up for routine visits after she gets off work. As usual she provides me with a pastry treat from the bakery – Cherry Pie this time – we both share it.


Delivering an order to Bay Pointe rehabilitation hospital. You can always depend on finding funny old people and witnessing a laughable incident or two. While waiting for the nurse to come retrieve her Chinese food a pleasant old black lady in a wheel chair says hello to Ana and I. Another nurse approaches...

"How you doin'?" the old lady asks the nurse.

"How you doin'?" the nurse asks back.

"I'm waitin' for a cab."

"Oh," she responds with a sarcastic shock. "Where you goin'?"

She says with a relief, "I'm goin' home."

You can't help but smile. Alzheimer's is a sad part of old age. She's not going anywhere. But then she turns to me, "Are you waitin' for a cab, too?"

I chuckle, "Oh no."

I propose a challenge to Ana in regards to all the times when she gets a little passive-aggressive and makes jealous remarks. I explain...

Experiencing a windstorm...

Ana: "I feel like you can laugh at everything in life."

Me: "That sums up your philosophy right there."

Haunting sounds of the wind on the top floor of a hotel at the oceanfront...

Off work and back home.

Mongolian Chicken with Mixed Vegetables.

While I'm catching up on writing and other things in my room Ana is making a banana cream pie downstairs – there are others loitering in the dining room swallowing pills, drinking, and laughing as hard as they can like it's the last day of their lives.

Ana informs me she's finished with the pie and also cleaned the dishes and kitchen. What a doll. That's one less thing I have to do. Even though she wasn't planning on it she asks to spend the night cause it's pretty late and she doesn't feel like driving home. I say it's okay but in an obvious nonchalant tone that rubs her the wrong way. I didn't mean it to sound like that. She knows how my schedule works on the weekends when I have to work 11-hour days and how when I get home the only energy I want to exert is on myself cause I have none to give. I need my personal time to reflect and simply be alone after work (unless something important is scheduled).

When all is settled we cling on to each other under the covers.

Me: "I'm an old man. You sure you wanna be with an old man?"

Sleep around 3:30 a.m.

[i] Image by me.

Saturday April 19 2014

No More Chicken Wings[i]

☼ ○ ▬

Stuck in the middle of a routine day. Someone harps on me about not getting something done.

I react, "Don't you know? The day is full of all these little tasks leaving you with no time to do anything!"

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up at 10:50 a.m.

Wheat Flakes, Maple Granola, and Strawberries with Almond Milk.

All day shift at China Wok.


It's dreary and rainy out, a stark contrast to the warm weather we were getting this past week. It seems like Spring, Summer, or whatever you want to call this season will never settle into something stable.

Egg and Cheese Biscuit from Bojangles. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Green Tea with Honey. Banana.

Ling informs me we are out of chicken wings until the truck gets here at 3 p.m. Considering this is our number one item on the menu you can imagine this news being a major disappointment for our customers. After explaining this to one couple at the counter their reaction is priceless: no expression or words – they just turn around and walk out. If I were in their shoes I'd feel the same way.

Almond Granola Bars.

Ana stops by at the last hour of my shift and rides around with me on some oceanfront deliveries.

Off work and back home.

Tofu with Broccoli, Onions, Carrots, and Rice in Garlic Sauce.


Sleep 3 a.m.

[i] Kim Jong Meme.

Friday April 18 2014


☼ ○ ▬

In a church I used to attend when I was younger. At a youth group meeting. I'm invited up to the front to pray over Preston, a fellow churchgoer. I press my hand on his back in a comforting fashion. I can't seem to get pass the words, "Dear God..." without tears billowing up in my eyes. Eventually, I continue, "Dear God, help him be a light to the world. We know he has internal struggles just like everyone else. Give him the strength to overcome..."

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up around 1:30 p.m.

Blueberry Muesli and Wheat Flakes with Almond Milk.


Cinnamon Raisin English Muffin with Vegan Cream Cheese. Tortilla Chips with Guacamole. Green Tea with Honey. Banana.

Watching The Fisher King (1991).


Repotting my cactus.

Meeting with Jes at her office in Chesapeake to shop the market's search engine for houses.

Then, to Ana's house for dinner. She prepared some Basmati Rice with Broccoli and Carrots. I brought over Honey Glazed Black Beans with Onions and Peppers to complete the meal. Playing through some of the songs we learned from last night. Finishing Mr. Nobody (2009) in the living room. Pecking her nose, cheeks, and lips with kisses. I can sense her anticipation to go further but it's really late and I have to drive home.

Sleep 4 a.m.

[i] Scene from Mr. Nobody.

Thursday April 17 2014

DJ Warren Darrington (April 17 2014)[i]

Waking up shortly after noon.

Taking care of business. Got my first piano student of the year.

Wheat Flakes, Maple Granola, and Strawberries with Almond Milk.

Making guacamole and granola bars in the kitchen. Josh, Aj, and some girl are watching The Ring (2002) in the living room.

Me: "Wow. I used to watch that movie all the time."

Hard Boiled Egg. Tortilla Chips with Guacamole. Green Tea with Honey. Navel Orange.

Ana meets me at the house and we go to the Rec Center. A few games of ping-pong are in order first. Then she makes use of the fitness room while I play a bunch of basketball games. I put my all into it. My favorite cat to play with is here – I like to call him the warrior cause he never fails to howl and facilitate the rhythm of his teammates.


At one point I get knocked in the left knee so bad I have to walk it off for a minute. One of my opponents asks, "You alright, Mac Book?"

Me: "Yeah, I'm good. Mac Books are indestructible."

That's been my nickname since I first started coming here.

Back home. Cleaning up. Showering. As Ana explains over the phone to a friend of ours, "Now we're clothed and hungry."

Sharing a Super Spinach Salad. Then, picking up a large Pizza with Green Peppers and Mushrooms from Chicho's.

Downstairs, Ana and I hang out briefly with Darren, Devon, Josh, and few others.

Sophie Secretary (April 17 2014)

Then we hole ourselves in the bedroom. Singing and practicing a few songs on the guitar. I make Blueberry Rooibos Loose Leaf Tea and we curl up in the bed to watch Mr. Nobody (2009).

Sleep at some point.

[i] Images by me.

Wednesday April 16 2014


Waking up around 2 p.m.

Wheat Flakes, Berry Cobbler Granola, and Strawberries with Almond Milk.


Salad with Mixed Greens, Egg, Tomatoes, and Mango. English Muffin with Vegan Cream Cheese. Green Tea with Honey.

At the Princess Anne Rec Center for adult basketball. I'm on the wait list for the first hour so I make use of the weight room. Eventually, I get a few full court games in.

Leisa and I meet up at Rick's Café to bounce ideas back and forth on a short film I'm making. She'll be performing a major role in it. Sipping on Coffee while she slurps down sweet tea and eats some eggs. It's exciting to brainstorm with someone else – ideas can easily trigger another idea after the other.

Back home. Darren and Devon are watching some disc golf video at the dinner table. I warm up some leftover Tuna and Rice with Baby Broccoli and Carrots.

Watching The Machine (2013).

Loose Leaf Tea. Milk Chocolate.

Sleep 4 a.m.

[i] From The Machine (2013).

Tuesday April 15 2014

Bell Telephone System vintage ad.[i]

Waking up at 1:31 p.m.

Toilet got clogged again – the plunger couldn't do the job – had to call maintenance again.

We officially installed a house phone today. There was a unanimous vote to have one – even though it's going to add an extra $16 to our Cox bill the novelty of it was too desirable. Oh the glory of wired communications.

Peanut Butter English Muffins. Popped Potato Chips. Green Tea with Honey.

Basketball at the Rec.


Tuna Steak with Onions, Brussel Sprouts, and Rice.

The house phone is a big hit. We've already accumulated at least nine voicemail messages. Josh is drunkenly answering anyone who calls.


Going through video footage from the 1435 vault. Found a gem from 2011...

Sleep 4 a.m.

[i] Bell Telephone System vintage ad.

Monday April 14 2014

Blood Moon Gathering (April 14 2014)[i]

Waking up at 10:50 a.m.

Wheat Flakes, Berry Cobbler Granola, and Strawberries with Almond Milk.

All day shift at China Wok.

Peanut Butter English Muffin. Baked Salt n Vinegar Chips. Almond Granola Bar. Green Tea with Honey.

The yellow Spring snow gets thicker and thicker. You can barely make out the color of everybody's vehicles.

A guy comes in looking for the LeBron James Sprite. Unfortunately, we don't have that.

Me: "That's when you know you've made it...when you got a soda named after you."

Everything Pretzel Thins.

The deliveries keep coming in – every time I arrive back at the restaurant there's another one.

Strawberry Greek Yogurt.

Delivering to the oceanfront. At the Circa Del Mar I knock on the door but no answer. I call the guy and he says he's at McDonalds up the street but he's lost and can't find his way back. I volunteer to come scoop him up and bring him back. Turns out he's really drunk. From Texas visiting some family but they kicked him out. He's really stoked about a girl coming over to his room later.

Off work at a decent hour.

At the house. Ana's here – she cleaned up the kitchen.

Ana in the Kitchen (April 14 2014)

Fried Shrimp with Broccoli, Carrots, Onions, and Rice in Garlic Sauce. Sparkly Rose Wine.

People trickle in for Movie Monday. It's supposed to be a surprise movie. I convinced some that I programmed my computer to download a random movie so not even I know what's being shown. But really I decided on We Live in Public (2009), a documentary about Josh Harris, an internet pioneer from the 90's, and also portrays the negative effects of the overuse of internet.

I notice Ana leave halfway through the movie. I find her napping in the bedroom.

Me: "Hey! What're doing up here?"

I guess she was tired, which I understand it is late and she's gotta get up early in the morning. I persuade her to join everyone for a romp to the Friend's School to catch the blood moon lunar eclipse. We show up via longboard and scooter. Everyone's out in the middle of the soccer field. Josh is strumming hastily on the guitar while Richie, Aj, and Will lie out on the grass. We're a little early for the blood moon cause it still looks bright and normal. And the sky is too cloudy anyway. It starts to drizzle on our faces. I hoot and holler along with the dog as we chase each other around. I try to encourage Ana to get up and run around with me but something is wrong with her.

Back inside. With the windows wide open and with the fresh nighttime air that flows gracefully into the bedroom I feel my happiest. Lying down beside each other clothed in hardly anything. I inquire into her grumpiness this evening but she's being a difficult shell to crack. I end it with, "Well, whenever you're ready to communicate with me I'll be over here." Then I turn around on my side facing the wall. Twenty or thirty minutes later after dozing off I feel her hand caressing my neck, back, and legs in such a dainty and careful fashion I experience ASMR tingles. I'm ultimately relaxed. It seems like she keeps doing this forever. The blood starts to flow down in my groin. He's ready. I'm ready. I can tell it wasn't her intention to turn this sexual but it has on it's own anyway. It feels incredible – it's always a unique experience every time.


Afterwards, I ask, "So is that why you were grumpy? Cause we didn't have sex yet."

Ana: "Partly."

Sleep at a real late hour.

[i] Images by me.

Sunday April 13 2014


Waking up at 11:15 a.m.

Wheat Flakes, Berry Cobbler Granola, and Strawberries with Almond Milk.

All day shift at China Wok.

Another hot one today.

Salad with Mixed Greens, Beets, Egg, and Tomatoes. Slice of Cheese Pizza from Brother's. Banana. Green Tea with Honey.

Sometime after 4 p.m. Ana appears clad in an oversized purple baker's jacket and black pants. They didn't have anything smaller for her at the bakery. She brought me a treat like she always does – it's an Apple Brown Tart this time, delicious. She accompanies me on my deliveries.


With the warmer weather brings more pedestrian activity on the street. While delivering around we notice there's an over abundance of white dudes walking white dogs. We don't know why.


Both of us know how much she loves chocolate/chocolate flavored anything. But she admits it's okay for her to have other things that aren't chocolate. I reassure her that chocolate is not a scarcity.

Me: "Chocolate is like money; it can be obtained at any time."


She orders her usual meal, Orange Tofu. Seeing that funny look on my face that says you're predictable, she reacts, "I'm okay with being predictable."

She didn't want too much rice. I assure her it's okay to throw some of the rice away when she's done.

Me: "Rice is like chocolate and money; it can be obtained ay any time."


After 9 o'clock I realize she's still here in the passenger seat with me.

Me: "I'm surprised you're still here!"

But it makes sense because it's been a full two days since we've talked to each other. Both of us have been busy at our jobs. So we had a lot of catching up to do.


I explain how when it gets close to the end of my shift I get real wonky and delirious – talking to myself in funny voices and making strange noises. I try to reenact any given night and it turns into an imitation of The Jetson's flying space cars...

Finally off work and back home.

Mongolian Chicken with Mixed Vegetables and Rice.

I run into Josh in the hallway. We hear an unfamiliar female voice coming from Kevin's bedroom.

"Wait, is that a girl's voice I hear?" whispering to Josh.

With the crack of the door open I'm able to document a tragic moment in Kevin's life...

Girl: "Whoa there, tiger. Nothing's happening tonight, okay?"

Kevin: "I understand."

Sleep at 3:30 a.m.

[i] Image still from The Jetsons.

Saturday April 12 2014

Dasboard (April 12 2013)[i]

Waking up at 10:45 a.m.

Wheat Flakes, Berry Cobbler Granola, and Strawberries with Almond Milk.

All day shift at China Wok.

It's another hot one today but with a merciful breeze.

Salad with Mixed Greens, Egg, Beets, and Tomatoes. Baked Salt n Vinegar Chips. Almond Granola Bars. Green Tea with Honey.

Slow afternoon for business – powernapping.

After delivering to the front desk of the Fairfield Inn on 19th and Atlantic I drive my car out of the parking garage and wait patiently for an opening in the long line of cars. Meanwhile I notice a bike cop take a second glance at me – I don't know why. I pull into traffic and prepare to take a right turn away from the strip. Out of nowhere I hear a familiar voice. I see Minnie walking with a friend. And in that same moment we're recognizing each other a group of bike cops, one of them from earlier, ask that I pull off to the side. He says I'm not allowed to have anything hanging in my mirror. These cops were obviously bored with the sea of pedestrians and my car probably just stuck out to them – stupid me for choosing the color purple for a paint job. He also notices I don't have a seatbelt on. I try to explain that I just finished with a delivery and just got in the car. But he slaps me with a pre-payable seatbelt offense. Normally, I try my best to be non-confrontational with the police but this incident just rubbed me the wrong way and didn't seem fair.

I protest, "This is ridiculous. I just got in my car after making that delivery."

Cop: "Well, you were in the street and should've been wearing your seatbelt."

Me: "Yes. I know. I drive for a living. I know the law!"

Cop: "Well, then you should know better."

Me: "This is a waste of time."

Cop: "Drive safe out there."

I drive off in haste, crumpling up the citation into a disrespectful ball and tossing in the floorboard. I'm livid. There goes $25 out of my pocket. At least it's only a secondary offense and it doesn't go on my record. 


Off work and back home at a decent hour.

Tofu with Broccoli, Carrots, Onions, and Rice in Garlic Sauce.

Watching The Thomas Crown Affair (1999).

Loose Leaf Tea and half a Strawberry Toaster Pastry.

Sleep 3:30 a.m.

[i] Image by me.

Friday April 11 2014

Lichtzeichnungen. 2008.[i]

☼ ○ ▬

Set in the distant future where only the core of the earth has survived. It looks like a glowing space rock. There are workers mining inside the core looking for a special mineral bar that only the earth's core can produce. They are understood to be a very valuable source of energy for the new earth we live on.

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up at 10:45 a.m.

Wheat Flakes, Berry Cobbler Granola, and Strawberries with Almond Milk.

All day shift at China Wok.

It's that time of year when the pollen blows around in the wind covering all the automobiles and creeping into our noses to make us sneeze a thousand times.

Banana. Almond Granola Bars. Sparkling Clementine Juice. Everything Pretzel Thins.

Darren stops in to seal a deal between Ling and Whole Foods to get all their discarded fish heads and bones. Darren and I chat for a while at a table. Talking about how much more judgmental we become as we age.

Me: "I think in five years I'll be as judgmental as you are now."

It's a slow uneventful day at the restaurant, so much so that I find the time to take a powernap in the car.


While listening to a This American Life podcast there's a segment on a woman who discovers a name for a condition she's had since she was a little kid: ASMR (autonomous sensory meridian response). As she's describing her experiences I'm a little bit in shock because I, too, have had a mild form of this condition since I was little but I never knew what it was called. "(ASMR) is a term used to describe a sensory experience characterized by a pleasant tingling sensation in the head and scalp, which can be triggered by sounds like whispering or brushing, and visual stimulus like painting or drawing." I have countless memories of being in the library amazed at how calming the sound of turning pages made me feel or of being at the dentist (or doctor) and how the soft speaking sound of their voice would comfort me. I think anyone can feel relaxed when under the right conditions but I know for sure that I have sensitivity to these ASMR triggers.

Leftover Barbecue Salmon with Brussel Sprouts, Onions, and Rice.

Off work and back home.

Soothing my brain with ASMR videos.

Loose Leaf Tea. Grapefruit.

Sleep 3:30 a.m.

[i] Lichtzeichnungen. 2008.

Thursday April 10 2014


Waking up just before 1 p.m.

My urine was a dark yellow, I suppose from the beets last night.

Wheat Flakes, Berry Cobbler Granola, and Strawberries with Almond Milk.

Catching up on writing.

And then I took a dump and my shit had a purple hue to it.

Coffee and Granola Bar.

Ana shows up after working a 6-hour shift at the bakery. Soon after I don't hesitate to unbutton her lavender-colored shirt and keep my hands preoccupied on her legs. We have sex.

Cooking the leftover beets into an Egg-Beet Sandwich with Hummus, Tomatoes, and Greens along with Salt n Vinegar Chips.

She comes with me to the Great Neck Rec Center – introducing her to the facility and the layout. While I participate in the organized basketball games she works out in the fitness room.

Barbecue Garlic Salmon with Basmati Rice, Brussel Sprouts, Mushrooms, Carrots, and Onions.

Watching Bad Lieutenant (1992).

Fiddling on the guitar learning a new song.

Sleep at 3:30 a.m.

[i] Bad Lieutenant still.

Wednesday April 9 2014

Beet Burger Dinner (April 9 2014) (2)[i]

Waking up around 12:30 p.m.

Wheat Flakes and Berry Cobbler Granola with Almond Milk.


Peanut Butter English Muffin. Popped Potato Chips. Black Tea with Honey.

I'm supposed to help out with the dinner shift at China Wok. I show up and barely work an hour, only delivering a measly three orders. I request to cash out as soon as possible. Then I enjoy some recreational time on the basketball courts – playing a few pick-up games and a few epic games of 21.

Mr. Moore - the English Professor (April 9 2014)

Back home. Ana comes over. She sent me this recipe for beet burgers some time ago and tonight is the night for it. Roasting the beets and garlic, caramelizing the red onions, and processing the garbanzo bean spread. Electric Light Orchestra and Prince energize the flow of our kitchen dance. As the beets are sautéing in the new iron skillet I recognize the efficiency of cooking it provides. "I don't know how I survived without this thing," I declare. After an hour or so it's finally done: Beet Burgers with Caramelized Onions, Greens, Tomatoes, Garbanzo Bean Spread, and Basmati Rice. Washing it down with a Pink Bubbly Moscato. We're both very satisfied with the way these things turned out. It's one of the most innovative and tasty things that I've ever made in this house.

Beet Burger Dinner (April 9 2014) (1)

Beet Burger Dinner (April 9 2014) (3)

Beet Burger Dinner (April 9 2014) (4)

Shortly after, Kevin and Josh arrive home. Kevin just bought a new violin made of rosewood – he's very stoked on it. He gives it a whirl and serenades us all.

Upstairs in the bedroom. Ana doesn't seem to have a lot of energy. I know she's going through a job transition and other such things – it can be a little overwhelming. 


I pump out some nostalgic tunes on the computer – reminiscing all the R&B, hip-hop, and pop songs of the 2000's. I point out the similarities of style and rhythm in all of them: "Waiting for Tonight" – Jennifer Lopez, "Where Do You Go" – No Mercy, "I Just Wanna Be With You" – Enrique Iglesias, "Missing" – Everything But The Girl.


She looks so adorable all huddled up under the covers. I can't resist wrapping my arms around her body.

Me: "Why are you so adorable?"

We get into conversation about how eclectic all our friends are, how versatile each of us can be in regards to music and the arts.

I pose a question, "It's dangerous to love everything, don't you think?"

Sleep shortly after 3 a.m.

[i] Images by me.