Sunday April 27 2014

Darren Judging the Tourists (April 27 2014)[i]

Waking up at 12:36 p.m.

Wheat Flakes and Berry Cobbler Granola with Almond Milk.

Darren and Richie are loitering downstairs. My project today is to install a new shelf above the kitchen sink. Before I've been using shower rods to hold up pieces of board but every few months or so they just fall. Darren gives me a hand using his craftsman knowledge.

Darren keeps bugging me about taking a bike ride to the oceanfront. It's bright and sunny but with a chilly breeze constantly bombarding our direction. We gobble down Bananas then ride up to La Dolce Vita Bakery where Ana is working. She's surprised to see us. I hand her a banana and say, "This isn't a banana in my hand. I'm just happy to see you." We grab some Iced Coffees and continue on the bike path on the boardwalk. After reaching the fishing pier near 15th I pause in reflection and explain to Darren some of the memories I have working at the ice cream shop that used to be here.

Me: "This is where it all began. This is where I met Margot. She used to work here with me and her mom worked across the way at Ocean Eddie's."

Somewhere on the ride back Darren realizes his glasses fell out of his pocket. He's on a time constraint and has work at 4 so I volunteer to retrace our tracks and look for them. No luck.

Attack the Matrix (April 27 2014)

During my search I found a notebook dried out from the rain sitting purposefully underneath graffiti that reads "ATTACK THE MATRIX". I meet up with Ana outside the bakery and skim through the writing. The handwriting belongs to a guy named Rich – it seems to be a combination of notes from sessions in a class about Christian Psychotherapy taught by a Dr. Kent Heintzelman ( and other personal notes. Some quotes are as follows:

"No sex, why? Only thing to focus on right now is recovery from alcohol, no distractions.
We are all survivors of the great shipwreck of life.
If someone is an irritant, make friends, learn something from that person.
My mind is wandering
Important point in recovery...
            — It is a continuing work
            —Don't compare to anyone
            —I am on my own path
My present condition is mostly the result of my choices.
It is known that people are notoriously biased based on their prior beliefs.
Forgiveness – once achieved it fly flies around on its own force a life of its own.
I've made the divorce such a huge issue.
Think how many millions of people are having the same experience?
Hi Gail,
I hope this letter finds you happy and well. I wish want to take this time moment to apologize to you for my self centeredness that ended contributed to our breakup. I have come to see that I was neglected my responsibilities as a husband and your emotional and spiritual needs in particular.
I am sincerely sorry and pray that one day you will find forgiveness. I want the best for you.
Emotional IQ regulates much of our life choices. Not same as intellectual IQ. The EIQ puts the final rubber stamp on a choice of action. Recovery involves raising your emotional IQ.
Follow thru w/ letter to Gail. Results: Gets rid of baggage in my head. What she may or may not do is irrelevant.
Must be sober minded.
The disease is a multi-headed dragon. Must deal with all heads.
Look into a mirror as a crave happens and ask how did it feel? HOW DID IT FEEL??
Emotional IQ will dictate our choices NOT INTELLECT!!
I will comprehend the word serenity."

Back at the house with Ana. I fix us up a wholesome lunch: Eggs, French Batard Bread, Arugula Salad with Tomatoes, Chips and Salsa, and Mango.

I take us to the basketball courts by Lynnhaven Middle School. Been a while since I've played out here. There're a few other players shooting around. I play a few 2-on-2 games with them while Ana walks the track field.

Back at the house with Ana. Sharing OJ then preparing dinner. The whole house family (Josh, Darren, and Devon) is gathered at the dining room table (minus Kevin). While Ana and I eat Shrimp Stir Fry with Mixed Vegetables and Rice, the others are having a failed attempt at a oyster and champagne night which consists of the cheapest TJ's bottles and one small container of canned oysters. Ana and I socialize for a while and then retreat to the bedroom.

Singing songs together then settling down in the bed to watch The United States of Leland (2002).

Me: "You're so adorable. You always look like you're just waiting to be cuddled with."

Sleep at some late hour.

[i] Images by me.

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