Tuesday June 29 2010

DREAM: My boss is putting the moves on me but in a subtle way. Her Chinese eyes stand out as I ride with her to her home. Inside, I notice a big room with many beds and a curtain bordering the room’s perimeter. She tackles me on the couch. We start having sex with most of our clothes still on. At some point I slip out and she’s concerned about this big contact lens falling out of her. I guess it’s supposed to work as a contraceptive. Her friend nearby warns us that the husband, who is the chef of China Wok, is just outside the door.

Waking up around 3:15 p.m.

Emily is back home and so is wild Ambrotious (I think I missed him).

Elliott walks in with Fera, his ferret.

Breakfast: Toasted Bagel with Butter and Blackcurrant Jam. Orange Juice. Zinc, Vitamin E, Alfalfa Grain.

Work at the ice cream shop.

Lunch: Egg Salad Sandwich with Lettuce and Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Mango Oolong Tea.

Eating one of the Berger Cookies Emily got me from Maryland.

Reading a newspaper article about a homeless man that got run over by a dump truck while he was sleeping on the beach.

Monica, one of the managers, comes in with her little girl. We discover a dead moth in the corner of the room. He looks more like a butterfly. The girl is begging to see it, “Can I see?!”

It starts pouring down rain. Four teenagers, a boy and three girls, from Smithfield pile into the shop to get out of the rain. The boy, Brandon, comments on the sign that we have posted:


ATM in Tackle Shop

(sorry for any inconvenience)

I tell him, “The least you could do is forgive us.”

He challenges me to guess the blonde girl’s age whose name is Nicolette. “I’m actually good at this…hmmm…14?” I guess right.

All of them end up hanging out in the shop for a few hours. Jacquelyne helps me draw a Hello Kitty face, which is a part of Margot’s birthday present I’m making.

This black kid, Jordan, who already bought three small strawberry ice cream cones in a row, asks to listen to my band, Tokyo. He tells me he makes music videos and I should give him a call.

Margot’s 21st Birthday Party at the house.

Trying to make dinner in the kitchen but too many people crowding around me.

Dinner: Spinach Salad. Lasagna. Garlic Naan Bread. Spiked Punch.

Foosball in the attic.

Chat Roulette.

Birthday Cake.


What is the equation for anger? ****!!!!!!!☼x8+5Ü╜3\╕╝▐M○xτ☼x8+5Ü╜3\╕╝▐M○xτ☼x8+5Ü╜3\╕╝▐M○xτ☼x8+5Ü╜3\╕╝▐M○xτ☼x8+5Ü╜3\╕╝▐M○xτ☼x8+5Ü╜3\╕╝▐M○xτ☼x8+5Ü╜3\╕╝▐M○xτ☼x8+5Ü╜3\╕╝▐M○xτ☼x8+5Ü╜3\╕╝▐M○xτ☼x8+5Ü╜3\╕╝▐M○xτ☼x8+5Ü╜3\╕╝▐M○xτ☼x8+5Ü╜3\╕╝▐M○xτ☼x8+5Ü╜3\╕╝▐M○xτ☼x8+5Ü╜3\╕╝▐M○xτ

A repeating jumble of predictions and expectations causing one to be in a furious state of mayhem.

I almost called the cops because you ‘flipped a lid’. When you begin this chaotic state, you become completely self-absorbed and disrespectful. It’s all about you! It’s all about you! When you’re angry you provoke me to anger. I don’t want to be like that. I refuse. It turns me into an uncontrollable demon. I don’t understand. Did you drink too much? Did you experience too many disappointments? You’re yelling at me, “Get out here and talk to me!!” I specifically ask you to leave, “Look, you’re angry and I don’t understand it. It’s making me angry and I can’t talk to you. You need to cool off.” Each time I close the door you start banging on it. You insult me by calling me every bad name you can think of. How do you expect me to respond? And yes I demand an apology for the way you acted. I have no words to explain the monster you became tonight. It’s sad to say that this is not an unfamiliar thing to me. You have an unhealthy attachment to me and there’s nothing I can do to help.

On a whim, I hop into my van and drive to your place, swerving and speeding through the winding back roads of your neighborhood and smoking on a Sampoerna. Tapping on the window to your room; you’re obviously asleep. I tell you I don’t want to talk about anything. I just want to be here for you. I can’t help it though. I talk anyway and speak my mind analyzing what just happened and the why and the what and the how. In the end, we exchange pleasure as some sort of appeasement between each other in hopes that it will cover up the night’s battle scars, in which it does. Yes, it does help. But what about the long run? What about the bigger picture? What’s going to change?

Back home. Eating a bowl of Frosted Mini-Wheats.

Sleep 7 a.m.

Monday June 28 2010

DREAM: Aaron Lachman died. I’m meeting his mother and my mother for lunch in a food court at a mall of some sort. Aaron’s mom doesn’t look familiar and neither does my mom. We’re sitting at a table discussing memories of Aaron. The more and more we talk about him the bigger my sadness grows. Thinking to myself and then muttering out loud, “It’s probably good we stopped hanging out…” otherwise it would be harder to accept because we would be closer as friends. In waking life, we’ve drifted apart only seeing each other on occasion. My dream is relaying an idea that Aaron may be dead to me.

My alarm wakes me up at 12:30ish a.m.

Driving down First Colonial – the days get hotter – an older lady with poofy blonde hair is wobbling down the street with a blue umbrella.

Meeting an old guy named Al at Borders to sell a telescope. I set it up near Laskin Road and we pin point some spots to look at. In the end, he doesn’t buy it because we come to the conclusion he is looking for binoculars instead.

At the post office waiting in line. Two little dark skinned kids twirling themselves around the poles that perimeter the waiting line as if it was a carousel. Noticing how pretty the little girl is and imagining what it would be like to have a daughter of my own. I would cherish her and adore her. The mother is standing there, her long horse-like hair stretching down to her buttocks. I catch a glimpse of her face at some point. What a beautiful family.

Big Lots. Trader Joes.

The subject to a spam email I received today: “Nail her till sunrise”

Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Mango Oolong Tea.

Chris Cloud comes over to share the first 30 minutes of the Tokyo DVD. We take some notes and conjure up some good ideas to add.

An unexpected visit from Richard.

Practice at the storage unit with Chris.

Later, Kal and I rehearse bass lines at the house over smoothies. Tyler stops by just needing a place with air condition to relax in between places. “Tyler treats this place as if it were a coffee shop.”

Stretching. Exercising. Watching Sherlock Holmes.

Dinner: Beer Battered Cod Fish Fillets. Garlic Sautéed Spinach. Garlic Naan Bread.

She wanted to play tonight. I declined because that wasn’t the deal. But I could feel her disappointment miles away. “On one condition, you have to help me.” She helps me organize and load stuff to the storage unit. At the sight of the van’s headlights, two baby foxes scramble away. Those foxes are you and I. Their drive to play is like our innocent yet uncontrollable drive to make love. I see the headlights up ahead and run away scared to face a risk, a risk that could be detrimental or rather change the future of my thought, the future of my state of sanity. Don’t worry. I’ll be back. The headlights will darken their warning light and we will return to sexual bliss as usual.

Trimming my beard. Shower.

Finishing Sherlock Holmes.

Sleep around 6 a.m.

Sunday June 27 2010

DREAM: Driving in reverse down the dirt road of my Dad’s old neighborhood in Dudley, North Carolina. Trying to back up into his long driveway, which goes down a hill and over a bridge. Finally parking to the right of the house. I see an unfamiliar truck parked to the left of the house. I get out and walk into the backyard – the swinging bench seat still in working condition – little mounds of fire pits lit up in different areas as if we were expecting a bunch of people. Analyzing each fire pit. A few of them have hats on top of coals. In my mind I imagine my Dad knows what he’s doing considering his air force experience. So the hats had some purpose. Another fire pit – small piled wood with what looks like my cellphone sitting on top. I try to lift it out of there but the flames already started consuming it. Brandy, my former step-mom, pulls up in the driveway. I have the urge to hock a loogie so I run into the house and straight into the bathroom. There seems to be other people in a bedroom nearby. I stand in front of the mirror – a small puddle of water collected in the sink. I decide I need to trim my beard because it looks dreadfully uneven. I pick up my Dad’s electric shaver and start to cut. It pulls on my hairs too much so I stop. I continue checking out my hair. I have a strange buzzed hairline that encircles my whole head. I hear my Dad and the others talking in the living room; they’re trying to figure out if I’m here or not.

Near 3:30 p.m. I get out of bed.

Breakfast: Toasted Bagel with Butter and Blackcurrant Jam. Orange Juice. Zinc, Vitamin E, Alfalfa Grain.

Work at China Wok.

A guy is riding slowly in front of me on Virginia Beach Blvd. Directly behind him…I guess he sees my hands go up in a gesture that says, What the beep are you doing? He immediately flicks me off. I finally get around him to make a right in the turn lane; he’s stopping at the light in the straight lane. As I pass him, he seems to be completely oblivious to the fact that his choice of mph affected anyone. With an attitude, he yells out his window something I can’t understand. With my sunglasses on, I just turn and look with no expression and drive on. People take the road way too seriously, myself included.

The sun gets hotter every day. Using a towel to cover up my driving arm and protect it from getting burnt.

Yelling at the sun, “Get out of my face!!!”

At home – trying to repair a dresser someone was throwing out down the block – organizing things.

Dinner: Beer Battered Fish with Tartar Sauce and Malt Vinegar. Jasmine Rice with Onions. Green Beans.

Watching Shutter Island.

Re-listing some items on Craigslist – planning – emailing.

At the storage unit playing bass.

Finish watching Shutter Island.

Sleep 7:15 a.m.

Saturday June 26 2010

My alarm wakes me up at 11 a.m. Getting out of bed ten minutes later.

Breakfast: Toasted Bagel with Butter and Blackcurrant Jam. Orange Juice. Zinc, Vitamin E, Alfalfa Grain.

10 hour shift at China Wok.

Delivering an order over on Village Road. A nice black lady answers the door. She takes her time with her words making sure the transaction is done properly. Calling upstairs to whom I guess is her son to print out the coupon – the son committed to not coming downstairs for any reason drops the coupon to the floor.

Drinking lots of Oolong and Green Tea – the sun is scorching down on my driving arm.

Eating Plums, Peaches, and Kiwi.

In Emerald Point, I spot a pair of crutches hanging in a tree.

Behind a car with an American Flag sticker on it’s bumper but its been weathered so all the red stripes are gone leaving just the blue square and it’s stars.

Lunch: Toasted Peanut Butter Sandwich. Baked Salt N Vinegar Chips.

On the phone with my mom. She says she’s feeling blue so I leave her a voice message singing Patsy Cline’s, “I’m crazy, crazy for feeling so blue…” She used to sing that song to me when I was younger. She responds with “I will spend my whole life loving you…” by Elvis Presley.
I thought they sounded good played side by side:

The Tri-Force cops show up again for dinner. What is it about the presence of cops that makes one feel like they’re hiding something?

On the way home – the blood orange moon glowing in the sky and following my every move.

There’s a unique sense of camaraderie at this particular one – a smaller amount of people – feeling a little more freedom. There’s rapping, comedy, violinists, retelling of dreams, juggling, drinking, dancing, laughing, shouting, sarcasm, singing. Setting up a contest by handing out cards with a single word on it. The card bearer then strategically sticks the card onto anything in the house labeling whatever it’s on. A panel of judges will determine the best word label by the next Show N Tell. The winner gets a free t-shirt with any art they choose from the walls of the house printed onto it.

Eating Meatless Corndogs and Watermelon.

Outside I catch the tail end of Kenneth having a total breakdown – yelling curses and insults out in the air and towards his mother/my landlord. He sees me on the porch and asks for his guitar back (Awhile ago he had asked me to keep his bass guitar in my closet to keep it safe). He runs over shouting and demanding his guitar back. He gets caught up in the bushes – furious and out of control. Even though I know he would never harm me because we’re friends and we help each other out, I sense danger and tell everyone on the porch to go inside now. He finally makes it up to the steps out of breath and kind of apologizing. I tell him kindly I will get the guitar for him. After that, our other neighbors egg him on and ridicule him for being a maniac and acting crazy. I mean he practically woke up the whole block from the yelling. I’ve seen his anger out of control before but this was something new and at the same time nothing new. He drives off in his van and the carousing in the house continues.

Sitting down with Doug configuring some t-shirt designs for Musicplayer.

Washing dishes and cleaning up – talking with Rachel. We observe, or hear rather, Ian H. switch from the grey couch to the red couch while sleeping.

☼╬☼ They come to the house, this kingdom, where there are no rules. They gather here for the excitement and their need for social mayhem ☼╬☼

Jamil arrives home from a night out at the beach with the others.

Eating a small bowl of Corn Flakes with Brown Sugar.


Sleep around 5:45 a.m.

Friday June 25 2010

DREAM: I’m with a dark-skinned girl who is a stranger to me. She’s wearing tight white-wash jeans and a red shirt. Running through the city. We find a door that leads to a stairway, like in a second story apartment. Halfway up I start dry humping her from behind. See-through glass on the door – concerned about the people walking by and catching us in the act. We move upstairs into a big bedroom. On the bed together with white sheets. She’s straddling me. I look up and somehow she is a white ceiling fan, her head sticking out. “Pull your legs out!” I’m frustrated because of her missing body. Finally, she’s back to normal and we’re having sex, her red shirt and her underwear still on. A hostile black man and a whole gang barge into the room. The girl and I freeze in our positions. I’m still inside her. The man pulls out a small grey gun and begins to shoot at us. I notice after a few seconds that his gun isn’t releasing any kind of bullets or ammo but just blasts of air, completely harmless. In my mind I consider the room part of a hotel and I shout out loud, “I don’t care about privacy. I just want a bed!” ☼☼☼☼☼ Standing in the show room of my house – speaking into the microphone recounting a previous dream where my old youth pastor, Christy, is driving a white 15-passenger van and I’m in the passenger seat plugging into the mid-console an SD memory card containing episodes of Ren and Stimpy on it which belonged to Christy. While retelling my dream, it seems nobody is listening to me. I walk into the living room where a strange man is sitting on the grey couch. All of a sudden, he is lying on the floor face down squashing his own head as if it was moldable playdough – his other hand is squeezing my right bare foot just enough to feel uncomfortable but not cause any pain. Now he is sitting back on the couch dead and lifeless. His legs and arms are twitching and his eyes are caved into their sockets. I realize he is still a threat to me because he is a zombie now so I try to get away and head towards the back door. He follows quickly behind. I try to open the door just as he attaches himself to my arm. Walking outside – it is daylight. There is a pond/water fountain in front of me. My mother, who doesn’t even look like my real mom, is cleaning and working knee deep in the water. I am only able to squelch out, “Help me,” very quietly for some reason – zombie man still trying to hurt me. As soon as she looks over, the zombie man stops attacking. I realize this will be my strategy. There is a maid working on the fountain to the right also looking over to me. My unfamiliar mother and the maid get back to work and the zombie continues attacking. I cry out again. They look. Zombie stops. I turn around and he has transformed into a giant blow-up dungeon-like cage. I pick him up and throw him into the fountain – zombie man face down and hopefully drowning.

Waking up from a hard sleep. Getting out of bed around 5:16 p.m.

Breakfast: Toasted Bagel with Butter and Blackcurrant Jam. Orange Juice. Zinc, Vitamin E, Alfalfa Grain.

I get called into work because of Daniel, my coworker. His girlfriend had to go to the hospital. She’s in her last term of pregnancy.

Work at China Wok.

Cessily, my boss, explains to me the Chinese custom after a woman has a baby which entails the woman staying in doors for at least 30 days. This is called the “sitting month”. Also, how important ginger is in the diet and in cleaning the hands before handling the baby.


Watching some of Mad Max over Linner (dinner and lunch): Cod Fish Fillets with Tartar Sauce and Malt Vinegar. Steamed Asparagus. Jasmine Rice with Onions and Garlic. Mango Oolong Tea.

Sipping on Iced Coffee and playing a few hours of Unreal with Art, Roma, and Jamil.

Roma and I team up against Art at Capture the Flag and win. An overwhelming sense of joy! Being that Art is an expert at this game, this makes for a surreal victory and accomplishment.

Dylan and his band needed to spend the night again after not being able to find a place after their show in Richmond. Out on the porch with them, Art, and Jamil discussing how many visits to the bathroom everybody in the house makes everyday. As a household, we average 16 –20 visits a day, not including guests.

Walking to Kmart at 3 a.m. and eating a Plum and a Peach.

Waiting in line. A heavy set white girl wearing black baggy JNCO pants with chains and a Korn t-shirt is checking out at the register before me. The cashier who is an older black lady is making light conversation. The Korn girl: “I don’t go to the beach. Too many tourists.”

Walking back home, enjoying the summer night air and smoking a Sampoerna.

Eating a bowl of Corn Flakes with Brown Sugar on the porch.

Cereal is one of those sensations you look forward to, but when it comes it only lasts for less than a minute and it’s gone.

I leave to go to the storage unit to unload some equipment. The guys from Dylan’s band are still hanging out on the porch and Margot is cuddled up with one of them.


Sleep around 7 a.m.

Thursday June 24 2010

DREAM: With a friend. We ‘re sliding down a long stairwell but there are no steps and the flooring is made of ice and snow so we can swoop down at an incredible speed. Once we reach the bottom which takes about 5 minutes to do, I walk around the corner and pass by these classrooms with little kids in them. A little girl pops out of the door and is surprised I am there. She’s kind of scared and tells the teacher. Somehow, I just leave the scene and I’m with my friend again. There’s a table. I grab a bag out of this plastic container and jokingly I say, “And I’ll take a Becca to go,” referring to my friend Becca. Not sure why this is funny.

3:34 p.m. getting out of bed.

Run to Big Lots and Target.

Breakfast: Toasted Bagel with Butter and Blackcurrant Jam. Orange Juice. Zinc and Vitamin E.

Quick rehearsal at the unit with Kal.

Setting up the house for the show.

Smoothie with Yogurt, Sugar, Peaches, Blueberries, Plum.

Jon and Grace show up to the house a little early. Catching up a little with Jon.

House Show with Musicplayer, Dylan Gilbert, and Ken-Chan.

Feeling good about the show and performances. Enjoying the night with others…drinking…making Grilled Cheeses for everyone and eating Salt N Vinegar Chips…Charades.

Sitting on the couch scrolling through pictures from the night with Kelly. She’s watching me recount my dream. Art, Roma, and Jamil are trying to play Unreal but we can’t remember the password to the desktop computer.

Wesley walks in the door, soaking wet from the rain and sits down next to me. He explains to me a dream he had recently. He also tells me about the necessary things I should bring with me when traveling which include a towel, a blanket, a pillow, and a cape. “What are you going to use the cape for Wesley?!” “For flying…” Then he tells me how a towel can be all of these things.

Dylan Gilbert and his band are spending the night as they are on tour right now. Margot sticks around and is adamant about putting on The Last Unicorn to which she does.

Watching the footage from the show.

Thinking about my diet today and how much less I ate compared to most days. I am certain it was the combination of the summer heat and the lack of down time. I also think socializing to the extent that I did distracted me from any kind of appetite. Just as I am considering all these things I get a craving for cereal.

Eating a bowl Corn Flakes with Brown Sugar and Honey. Noticing how similar it tastes to Frosted Flakes.

Researching what’s wrong with this particular Canon Powershot camera I have to sell.

Sleep around 7 a.m.

Wednesday June 23 2010

DREAM: Observing a disturbing image of a man crawling from underneath a fence or a wall. He makes it half way through – seeing him from the waist up. Then he starts screaming in agony because something is happening to the bottom half of his body on the other side of the wall – maybe he’s getting pulled back or a monster is gnashing at his legs. Switching to a scene of a few friends and I sitting on some kind of mat. We’re transporting ourselves through buildings and houses as if we were invisible and had the power to walk through walls like that girl in X-Men, Kitty Pryde. This particular house – I decide to stay inside keeping only the top half of my body in the house and the bottom half with the others. I hear them begging me to “stop playing around!” But I’m enjoying the experience in the house.

3 p.m. waking up.

Breakfast: Hot Oat Bran with Cinnamon, Brown Sugar, Blueberries, and Milk. Orange Juice. Zinc, Vitamin E, Alfalfa Grain.

Meeting the lady at Barnes N Noble to sell the tier corner shelf.

Stop at the City Lights store to get a new bulb for my amp.

Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Peach. Mango Oolong Tea.

Kal comes over and I tutor him on the bass parts.

Then Chris joins us in a strenuous practice at the storage unit for the show tomorrow at 1623.

At some point there is torrential rainfall. Then it stops…taking a break outside and breathing the fresh cool air that the rain created.

Dinner: Leftover Chicken Stir Fry with Vegetables. Tomatoes.

Margot stops by to pick up the Garlic Roaster for her mom and to say hi.

Sipping on Iced Coffee on the couch with her and Roma. Discussing women’s preferences when it comes to hair on men’s bodies. I explain how the age of 25 has been the biggest year of my life, one I will never forget – a big shift in perspective – the year I moved out of my parent’s place – the year I traveled the most – psychological changes.


So many times i look at the sky and wonder if u are looking up too. I am always thinking about u and wonder if u realize just hot often i send up a prayer 4 u. Love u! MOM

CB: 757-***-****

Jun 23, 11:11 pm”

Eating Nutella Toast and finishing Bright Star, a beautifully envisioned film about the poet John Keats and his passionate romance with Fanny Brawne.

John Keats: “A poem needs understanding through the senses. The point of diving into a lake is not immediately to swim to the shore but to be in the lake, to luxuriate in the sensation of water. You do not work the lake out, it is a experience beyond thought. Poetry soothes and emboldens the soul to accept the mystery.”

Organizing. Cleaning a mattress to be sold tomorrow.

Longboarding then running around the neighborhood.

Eating Salt N Vinegar Chips and a Kiwi.

Man living with half body.

Sleep around 6:45 a.m.

Tuesday June 22 2010

DREAM: Riding in the back seat of a car on the left side, Art sitting to my right. And Art’s girlfriend, Olga, is driving the car, steering wheel on the right side. We’re riding through a slew of interstates through a big city. All of us are joking about her driving and how absent-minded she can be. I touch her shoulder and give her suggestions on how to relax. “Just breathe and pay attention.”

3 p.m. getting up.

My mom had been trying to get a hold of me while I was sleeping because of something important. Feeling bad for just now getting back to her.

Breakfast: Toasted Bagel with Butter and Blackcurrant Jam. Orange Juice. Zinc, Vitamin E, Alfalfa Grain.

Stopping by the bank. Then meeting a lady at Barnes N Noble to sell this tier corner shelf. She doesn’t show and she’s not answering her phone. I’ve really had it with Craigslist flakes. Yelling to myself in the van but aiming it towards not just this woman but to all the flaky people I’ve come across with, “My time is fuckin valuable to me!!”

Stopping by a produce stand on Harper’s Road then picking up the rest of the things at Tammy’s unit.

Conducting a mystery shop at McDonalds on Lynnhaven. Standing in line. In front of me are two deaf teenagers using sign language to communicate.

Lunch: Fish Sandwich. French Fries. Sprite.

Selling a battery charger.

I drive out to Eric’s house to get some help building this desktop computer I picked up off the street. Not only the bass player but He’s pretty much the megaphone of Mas Y Mas. Drinking beers and chatting about our past experiences with drummers and their flakiness.

Finding out through an email that the reason the woman did not meet me at Barnes N Noble was because we planned to meet tomorrow and not today. I feel stupid.

Working at the ice cream shop for a few hours to defrost and clean the freezer. Monica is helping me.

There’s a Sonic party in Kyle’s room – only Sonic employees allowed.

Everybody is hanging out in the living room – some new faces. “Hey Leck, how are you?!”

Black Bean Tacos for dinner.

Art’s new car is leaking coolant from somewhere.

Practicing songs at the storage unit.

My ears are hurting from all that midrange guitar.

Eating a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Watching some of the movie Bright Star about John Keats.

Sleep around 6:30 a.m.

Monday June 21 2010

Waking up around 12:50 p.m. because I have to sell equipment mats to a guy.

Back to sleep.

DREAM: Being taken out into the ocean by some fairy-like woman on a nice size raft. She’s showing me different islands where no man has gone before. Each time we arrive at one, I see a map of the land in my head – waterfalls, cliffs, mountains, trees, beach. We stop at one in particular which is the farthest away from the shore. I have a device with me that’s making loud noises because it detects danger in the brightness of the sun. The fairy woman tells me that this was expected and we shouldn’t be out here for too much longer. Right as she says this we see a big wave coming in the distance. Out raft is no match for it. We brace ourselves but everything seems to be fine. We get closer to shore. I pull the raft in and join the party that’s happening on the beach – a lot of people I don’t know, people older than I am. Sitting down in the sand, I start to hear somebody making a rhythmic noise with their mouth and then other people join. I pick up two pencils and clang on a row of different colored jars. Everybody stops at some point and I’m the only one left making noise. Feeling pressure as the others watch me but I feel they are judging me.

Getting out of bed around 3:45 p.m.

Breakfast: Toasted Bagel with Butter and Blackcurrant Jam. Orange Carrot Juice. Zinc, Vitamin E, Alfalfa Grain.

Conducting a mystery shop for McDonalds. It’s been awhile since I’ve eaten fast food. I knew there was a reason why I quit.

Lunch: Fish Sandwich. French Fries. Sprite.

Practice at the storage unit with Kal and Chris.

Dale, the manager of the place, shuts us down because she fears our safety from the RatPak man. Her and the RatPak man aren’t on good terms.

Smoothie with Yogurt, Peaches, Strawberries, Blueberries, and Honey.

Art and I pick up Becca from the salon and meet Ken, Hope, and another friend of his at Waffle House. We share and discuss each other’s recent dreams. I explain my idea to build capsule hotels in the house like they have in Japan. Ken and Hope tells us about a Filipino delicacy called Balut: “A balut is a fertilized duck (or chicken) egg with a nearly-developed embryo inside that is boiled and eaten in the shell.” Then we talk about the mud cookies that poor Haitians eat to relieve their hunger pangs. On that note I eat a Waffle.

After Ken and his friends leave, Becca, Art, and I play a few card games: Egyptian Ratscrew and Texas Hold’em.

Selling stuff online.

Eating an Egg and Miso Soup.

At the unit practicing and working on songs.

Eating Bread with Nutella Spread.

Sleep around 7:10 a.m.

Sunday June 20 2010

DREAM: There’s a little girl in a room with me, maybe about 10 years old. Other people are hanging out in another room nearby. I encourage her to play “Follow the Leader” with me. I sit on the ground with my legs straight out and start stretching my arms to my feet. She does the same and the bottoms of our feet connect. But she doesn’t stretch and kind of does her own thing. “That’s not how you do it! You have to follow what I do.”

Around 2:30 p.m. getting out of bed.

Breakfast: Toasted Bagel with Butter and Blackcurrant Jam. Orange Juice. Zinc, Vitamin E, Alfalfa Grain.

Making calls…conducting business.

Figuring out Rent.

Quick talk with Dad.

Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Mango Oolong Tea. Plum. Apricot.

3 hour shift at China Wok.

Continuing The History of Love during the down time.

“If it weren’t for her, there would never have been an empty space, or the need to fill it.”

Adam, Carley, Aaron, Megan, Edwin, and one of Megan’s cousins stop by the house. Aaron takes over with his funny stories. “Aaron, you should be a comedian.”

Edwin, Adam, and Carly are playing guitar and singing in the living room.

I’m making Chicken Stir Fry in the kitchen for dinner.

Elliott and I figuring out how to install a new video card in this new desktop computer I’m selling to him. He wants to be able to play his Nascar game with a smooth video.

Eating Spice Cupcakes.

Playing Art and Jamil in a few games of Unreal.

Songwriting in my room.

Eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

There are two flies buzzing around in my room. I manage to injure one with my hand by slapping him into the trashcan.

Sleep around 6:30 a.m.

Saturday June 19 2010

My alarm goes off at 11:30 a.m. Supposed to be at work right now. Don’t remember hearing the alarm that I set for 11 a.m.

Breakfast: Cliff Bar (Blueberry Crisp). Orange Juice.

Work at China Wok.

A guy named Pete meets me at China Wok to buy a tripod. He rides up in a motorcycle wearing an orange shirt and grey sweat shorts and he’s got a big potbelly. Testing it out using his large format camera from 1952. He’s a former limo driver and a big talker. Staring through his thin orange-tinted shades and listening to his geek-talk about his former camera and where he gets his special film. There’s a calmness and happiness about him that I really admire.

During the dead hours at work, struggling to stay awake off 4 hours of sleep. Napping with my head down on the table and my arms working as a cushion.

Reading Adbusters Magazine and The History of Love.

“Those who know they have enough are rich.”

---- Lao Tzu (Chinese Philosopher)

“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.”

---- Henry David Thoreau

Stopping by the house to get Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Baked Salt N Vinegar Chips. Mango Oolong Tea. Peach.

Driving and making deliveries – listening to the band Bishop Allen. It’s been quite a long time since I’ve heard them. Getting a little nostalgic and soaking in some fond memories from a few years ago. It’s weird how difficult it is to disassociate people or events from particular songs or bands.

Noticing numerous cop cars out on the road today – more than usual. Three of them follow me into the parking lot of the restaurant. A little paranoid at first but then relieved to find out they just want Chinese food. Their cars are parked side by side one another in a perfect line – very photo worthy. I wonder if they planned that, or even if they plan that everywhere they meet.

Delivering an order at a new loft complex called Old Beach Village on Baltic and 30th. A tiny dark skinned girl in a black dress sweetly answers the door and invites me in. She has a white patch over her nose. Her talking is very sparse and careful. “Christie, do we have any cash? Or can we put it on the card?” Another lady in a pink bathrobe, named Christie, is lying on the couch watching T.V. looking quite sick. I’m impressed with the quaint interior design of the loft; black warehouse ceiling and lots of space. I make mention of it, “I’ve never seen the inside of these new places yet. It’s very nice!” Christie smiles at me. The girl in the black dress is acting like she’s never ordered take out before, handing me the receipt and asking, “Is that it? Is that all?” “Thanks. Goodbye ladies.”

Delivering more orders down at the oceanfront just before 9 p.m. The strip is flooded with tourists – vehicle mayhem in the street – bumper to bumper – stop and go – stop and go. I feel hostility and anger growing in me. All of my patience for idiocy is gone. This is not an area meant for cars at this hour. I feel like a Tetris piece stuck on the first level of the game in which I can’t move but barely a millimeter every second.

Going to Mayflower Apartments. Every time I deliver over here I have to park across the street where a sign clearly states that no car shall park here unless you are a customer to the pizza place or the other businesses it’s meant for. Otherwise, you will get towed. I’ve never had to deal with this kind of situation before because I’m usually in and out without a trace. But because of the busyness at the beach I feel like there’s more of a chance and the Aristocrat Towing guys are out on the prowl. I imagine the worst-case scenario…I come out after delivering the order and they already have my van connected to the tow truck. “What the f***?! Oh no you don’t!” The man with no remorse or logic in his eye says, “Sorry sir.” I have no more tolerance, “You’re gonna f**kin disconnect your f**kin tow truck from my f**kin van right now! If you don’t, I’m gonna get in your truck and finish delivering the rest of my orders!” He doesn’t comply and continues with what he’s doing. There’s physical resistance on his part as I head for the driver’s seat of the truck. I start punching him. We wrestle and get into a good nasty brawl. A crowd collects around us. They root for me as we battle. Eventually, there is just no competition. My adrenaline and resistance is too much for him. I win. He disjoins his tow from my van. I drive off as the crowd cheers. Of course, none of this actually happened and all of this is going through my head before I even get there. I make the order successfully and re-join Tetris Traffic.

Finally off work after a 10 hour shift.

Dinner: Vegetable Lo Mein.

Delivering a mattress to a couple that just moved here from Japan.

At home, drinking the best smoothie I’ve ever made: Vanilla Yogurt, Raspberries, Blueberries, Strawberries, and Honey.

Playing Unreal with Art – releasing a lot of aggression.

Organizing. Eating some Spice Cupcakes with Milk.

Selling stuff online.

Sleep around 4:45 a.m.

“All the joy the world contains

Has come through wishing happiness for others

All the misery the world contains

Has come through wanting pleasure for oneself”

---- Shantideva, The Way of the Bodhisattva

Friday June 18 2010

DREAM: Roller-skating through the city streets at night – dodging rain puddles but it’s not raining. Some other man is with me – following behind with his own skates. Up ahead is a delivery truck – back door opened. Two black guys selling drugs with guns. One of them runs up to the man skating behind me trying to finagle him into buying drugs – he shoots him. The other black guy is still in the truck. I’m skating very fast. I jump up and dart both my legs hitting him in the face similar to an action move “Skate” would do in the Sega game Streets of Rage 2. A baseball field to the left of me – another black guy is standing still firing a machine gun aiming to kill me. I’m on the ground laying low and shoot him with ease. I realize at this point that I have the advantage in this situation because I’m the main character. Shooting the other guy behind me.

3:30 p.m. waking up.

Breakfast: Toasted Bagel with Butter and Blackcurrant Jam. Orange Juice. Raspberries. Zinc, Vitamin E, Alfalfa Grain.

Picking up more stuff from Tammy’s storage unit to sell.

Stopping by a local produce stand. Getting big plump fuzzy peaches.

Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Peach. Mango Oolong Tea.

Organizing. Pricing.

Kyle is teaching Elaina how to roller-skate in the street. Remembering my dream where I was roller-skating.

I ride my bike to Big Lots and Target.

Dinner: Meatless Corn Dog. Pasta and Potatoes. Carrots.

Art and his friends in the living room. We try to figure out what’s wrong with this new desktop computer.

Eating Tapioca Pudding.

Margot stops by. She’s upset because of three instances where people blew her off today. Trying to reassure her but it only ends in me bringing out her disagreeable behavior.

Sipping on Coffee with Cream and Sugar.

We decide that I’m one of those older cats. And she is a younger cat, or rather a kitten – always trying to play. But I, the older and wiser feline, just want to be left alone and get annoyed from being roused.

In my room.

Me: “Stop stealing my peaches!”

Engaging in sexual foreplay. Being thrown off because of a deal that we had made.

Me: “Stop talking!”

We continue nonetheless – on the floor – lights shining bright.

Eating a tiny prepackaged bowl of Frosted Mini-Wheats, an Apricot, and a Plum.

Watching The Salton Sea.

Danny: “So that's where I found myself. No, I should choose my words more wisely. This is the world I sought out.”


Sleep around 6:30 a.m.

Thursday June 17 2010

DREAM: In a living room with a bunch of people, getting angry with somebody. ☼☼☼☼☼ Riding in a bus taking a nap. I wake up and big dudes are surrounding me. I have a wad of cash in my back pocket and I want to move it to a safe spot in my book bag. But I’m concerned all these dudes will see it. One of them mentions to me, “Ooo. Someone’s got a lot of money.” I tell him they’re mostly just dollar bills. The bus takes a circular route through the city. I see a baseball field and get off at the next stop. Walking behind the field and into the city. I come across a slew of poor kids in the street begging for money…

Around 3:30 p.m. I wake up.

Breakfast: Toasted Bagel with Butter and Blackcurrant Jam. Orange Juice. Zinc, Vitamin E, Alfalfa Grain.

Organizing. Cleaning.

Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Homemade Salt N Vinegar Chips. Mango Oolong Tea.

I ride my bike to Trader Joe’s. My total comes out to be $26.48 which is the exact amount of cash and change I have in my pocket down to the last penny.

Eating Raspberries and a Plum.

Tennis with Art.

Eating some Pineapple and a Kiwi.

Watching the final Lakers/Celtics basketball game with Art and his friends in the living room using his laptop. Lakers won.

Eating dinner: Cod Fillets with Tartar Sauce. Jasmine Rice with Indian Spices, Peppers, and Onions. Asparagus. Miller High Life.

Last night someone sat on the grey beanbag in the attic and all the little Styrofoam balls spewed out everywhere. So Kyle and I clean and vacuum the attic. Those little bastards are extremely stickable and difficult to clean up.

Dumpster Diving at Trader Joe’s.

The Finds: 4 Dozen Eggs, 3 Boxes of Meatless Corn Dogs, Cilantro, Strawberries, Kiwi, Apricots, Roma Tomatoes, Lettuce, Blueberries, Swiss Cheese, Organic Plain Yogurt, Garlic Chicken Stir Fry, Tilapia Filets.

Eating Tapioca Pudding from scratch and noticing the striking similarities tapioca pearls have to the Styrofoam balls in the beanbag.

Watching Rampage.

Population control?

“By the end, we're left identifying with the assailant despite our disgust at his completely selfish behavior, which he defines in his epilogue - as actually our request of him - to make more room for us. We begrudgingly accept that he may be right.”

Sleep 6:45 a.m.

Wednesday June 16 2010

DREAM: With Angel Berrios and many other people standing in the street. I look around me and the color of the trees is more illuminating than usual – a very strong green. The sky is the same way – the color blue illuminating. It looks similar to when you change the light balance on a camera’s settings to tungsten. The contrast is beautiful. Water starts building up in the sewer from the curb. I tell Angel that a flood is coming. It gets worse and worse – water billowing up from the sewer then spewing out on the street. We start running with everyone. Angel: “We have to go further north above ground!” I look behind me and the flood is out of control. Climbing up unknown stairs that lead to a room. We all have to wait our turn to enter the room…

3:52 p.m. I wake up.

Breakfast: Egg. Toast with Butter and Blackcurrant Jam. Orange Carrot Juice. Zinc, Vitamin E, Alfalfa Grain.

Quick trip to Trader Joe’s. I run into Josh from Over the Ocean.

Practice at the storage unit with Chris and Kal.

Trip to Big Lots, Thrift Store, and Target.

Checking out at the thrift store. Included in my items is a pogo stick. The cashier lady wants me to demonstrate it. I embarrass myself for 10 seconds.

Selling a paintball gun kit to a Navy guy.

Talking to Andy for a while on the phone.

Eating a Smoothie with Vanilla Yogurt, Peaches, Blueberries, and Strawberries.

Organizing and uploading items online.

Kyle and Elaina have a bunch of friends over. Sitting in my room listening. It’s loud. Thump. Bump. I hear wildness, drunkenness. Someone is getting angry.

Dinner: Thai Noodles with Peas. Carrots. Garlic Naan Bread.

I finish watching The Libertine.

Rochester: “There is spirit in her.”
Jane: “When a gent sees the spirit, and not the eyes or the tits, then a gent is in trouble.”

Rochester: “But life is not a succession of urgent "nows". It's a listless trickle of "why should I's".”

On the phone with Becca talking about our current environments.

Continuing to put stuff up for sale on Craigslist.

The sound of agro-like boys still echoing through the house.

It’s about 4:30 a.m. I go for a run around the neighborhood. Listening to my ipod. “Blue Skies” by Noah and the Whale is playing. Feeling a burst of sweetness and fervor caused by the music, I yell out, “It’s so sweet! It’s so sweet!” It’s been a while since I’ve listened to music, like really listen and let it wash over me. Smiling. Running. Dancing. Just a romantic fling with the night and I.

Eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch in the kitchen while watching some dude hold a white t-shirt over his head and have conversations with himself. Half rapping. Half talking.

Sleep around 7 a.m.