Thursday June 10 2010


Waking up around 11 a.m. to my head itching profusely. I had meant to take a shower and wash my hair before I went to bed. In my dream I was mingling with a lot of different people. It was almost as if I was playing a death match in Unreal except we didn’t get rid of the players by killing them physically, more like a psychological killing. The dream was intertwined with the irritation of my scalp so every time I would scratch my head, I would be killing off the other players. I can’t even go back to sleep at this point so I jump out of bed and hop in the shower. Crawling back into bed, my head and body feeling rejuvenated. Then, proceeding 30 minutes of frustrated attempts to put myself back to sleep. Realizing this is futile I pull out my laptop and watch some footage from old concerts.

Lying in bed for about 30 minutes.

Breakfast: Egg. Whole Wheat Toast with Butter and Blackcurrant Jam. Orange Carrot Juice. Zinc, Vitamin B Complex, Alfalfa Grain.

Playing a little bit of Unreal.

I ride my bike to a house off London Bridge Road. A lady lives there. She has a garden and usually sells tomatoes and other produce using the honor box. Don’t see anything out yet.

Riding to Target. Being outside is like being inside an oven.

Target always has the most pleasant smell out of any other department store.

Unlocking my bike to leave – some high school kids sitting on the bench discussing light sabers.

A small black lady with a big attitude crossing First Colonial Road – high traffic. She decides to stop in the middle of the road and yell at the car that’s about to hit her.

At home, eating Watermelon and talking with my Mom. 

Lunch: Tuna Salad Sandwich with Lettuce and Tomato. Baked Salt N Vinegar Chips. Oolong Tea.

I go to the storage unit to practice. Still incredibly tired, taking a nap in my van.

I walk into the house and Emily finished baking Chocolate Chip Cookies. I snack on a few with a cold glass of milk.

Sitting on the couch with Elliott. A stinkbug is creeping near my left shoulder.

Renee, just coming back from a wine and cheese party, kicks in the door decked out in a black dress.

Emily puts on Rosemary’s Baby (1968). All of us half watching. Sipping on hot White Green Tea.

With Renee and Wesley on the porch. They’re smoking cigarettes. I’m eating a carrot. Talking about marriage and the idea of settling down.

Renee: “Women are nesters.”

Wesley explains to us the change from his on-going relationships in high school to being single and recognizing how much freedom he feels.

Wesley: “Mosquito in the house, watch your legs.”

Dinner: Thai Noodles with Peas. Garlic Naan Bread.

Watching the end of Rosemary’s Baby (1968).

She comes over and we go for a walk. Try to come to an understanding of each other. Not on the same page. Expectations seem to be the crutch to our situation. I sound quite harsh and I don’t like it. There’s still a genuine affection I have for her despite the conflict of interests. Her happiness depends on me and that’s not healthy. I want her to be happy and she’s not getting that from me. She wouldn’t even allow me to give her a hug unless we slept together. But sex is only a temporary fulfillment and I won’t allow this cycle to continue for her sake and my sake.

She leaves, then I go for a run around the neighborhood mulling over some conclusions in my head.

Eating Watermelon and it’s refreshing.

Playing some Unreal.

Sleep 6:30 a.m.  

[i] Photo by me.

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