Saturday August 7 2010

DREAM: Being shown this TV spot of Logan Laurent. In the program it shows her being given an interview on a talk show but she looks much older than in waking life. At this point, the dream somehow convinces me that she is a little older than I thought in waking life too. The program is over. A bunch of us are there and Logan is there. All of us now have an understanding that she is famous and a leader in the gay rights movement. Switch to a scene of her standing in the crowd at an arena shaking hands with the people. The journalists are taking photographs of the scene while I’m sitting nearby in the shot. Excitedly I think to myself, I’m gonna be in the photo and everyone’s gonna see me!

10:50 a.m. my alarm goes off.

Feeling sick with a scratchy throat and unavoidable runny nose.

Selling Emmanuel a mattress for his new place in Richmond.

Breakfast: Toasted Bagel Plain with Butter and Blackberry Spread. Immune Defense. Alfalfa Grain.

Work at China Wok.

An Indian family comes in for dinner. They rearrange and combine some of the tables so they can fit their gargantuan size of a family. At some point, the father and son, both wearing orange shirts, glance at me for a long moment, I think because I’m wearing an orange shirt like them.

Eating Peaches and Plums.

Quick stop by the house for lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Mango Oolong Tea. [A quick note about the chips: I opened a fresh bag but this particular batch was missing the vinegar flavor. They tasted plain. I’m calling Trader Joe’s.]

Reading The History of Love during the dead minutes at the restaurant.

‘Should we hold hands?’ ‘We can’t’ ‘But why?’ ‘Because, people will know.’ ‘Know what?’ ‘About us.’ ‘So what if they know?’ ‘It’s better when it’s a secret.’ ‘Why?’ ‘So no one can take it from us.’

‘What about you? Are you the happiest and saddest right now that you’ve ever been?’ ‘Of course I am.’ ‘Why?’ ‘Because nothing makes me happier and nothing makes me sadder than you.’

You asked if I was married. I was once, but that was a long time ago, and we met each other when we were young, before we knew enough about disappointment, and once we did we found we reminded each other of it.

Who doesn’t wish to make a spectacle of his loneliness?

Eating a hot container of Soup with Vegetables, Tofu, and Rice.

A heavyset black lady waltzes in for dinner. I see her frequently, or rather almost every time I work, sitting in front of Borders Book store in one of the silver chairs with all her many bags. I guess you could call her a bag lady, but she doesn’t seem to be homeless. Placing her order with my boss, Cessily. There’s a misunderstanding on her preferred size of fried rice. I try to explain that a pint is a small while a quart is a large. She clearly says “pint”, so I assure Cessily she wants a small. The lady retorts back to me, “You’re just projecting your diet onto me.” Apparently, she wanted a large.

Delivering an order over on Potters Road. I park in front of a lot where boats are kept. An older man with big eyes and wrinkled sun burnt skin walks out fiddling with a 50-dollar bill. His total is $19.76. “I’ll have to tip you next time, man.” He hands me the 50. He starts backing away apologizing repeatedly. He says he feels embarrassed. I notice a beer can being held tightly by his left hand. I assure him I have change for this in the van. “No. No. It’s okay…I feel embarrassed.” I accept it even though I’m still confused. Driving off and reassessing the situation. I think he was drunk and thought he was handing me a 20-dollar bill, which would explain the beer can and the reason he told me he’d tip me next time. By the time I come to this conclusion, I’m already making the next delivery. I consider contacting him tomorrow, but he has the ticket with his phone number on it. I’ll just take this as a gift.

Finally home. Eating a bowl of Frosted Shredded Wheat with Strawberries.

Josiah and I go to the unit to get his guitars and things for his trip to New York.

Cutting up the big bag of peaches I picked in northern Virginia, removing the worms.

Emily and Ken are discussing plans to make a mumble-core film.

It’s Caitlin’s birthday. Margot and her are drinking white wine, and they are “drunkels”.

In reference to the facebook debates on sexism and women, Caitlin wants me to reassure everyone she is not some crazy person on the internet.

JP is playing some strange rhythmic music of a foreign kind on the stereo. I dance in conjunction with the theme and mood of the songs—swinging and spinning the cat around.

Driving Margot’s car and taking Caitlin home with Margot.

Margot and I go to the storage unit. She finds out I withheld information regarding somebody that I kissed almost 5 months ago. This creates for an upsetting episode. I was definitely in the wrong in not telling her this when it happened. I also feel like she’s conducting this never ending pry into my past and the times we were not stable. “I’m not going to date someone who has no faith in me.” I compare us to two broken pieces trying to fit back together but without glue. “We need glue, Margot!” We need time to grow back into each other and can reach a point where we both trust one another. Eventually things simmer down. I’m tired and wanted to go to bed a while ago but she’s adamant about make-up sex, which I’m not against at all. Her peach fuzz backside is an endless joy in my life.

Back at home eating refrigerated peaches.

Sleep around 4:45 a.m.

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