Sunday July 4 2010

Sometime after 9 a.m. I’m half asleep and half awake while Emily is rummaging around in our room. I hear the cat scream in agony, from getting caught in the door. It’s such a startling sound. Ambrotious hardly ever meows, so when he makes a sound you know something is wrong.

DREAM: With a group of people for some kind of gathering in my old church. The motorcycle gang from the movie Mad Max shows up at the back door. I sense danger for myself and the others. I run inside just as the gang is about to confront me. Warning the others we need to move towards the front of the church and hide. Crawling through the baptismal and into the sanctuary, the others following behind me. There’s new mahogany structures on the stage – concerned about damaging things and being extra cautious because we’re not supposed to be in here. I make it to the hallway where the offices are. I see one of the gang members in the sanctuary looking for me. I get to the foyer area and dart straight out the door. It’s nighttime. I run around the corner to the parking lot and hide by this blue car. I notice my van is parked right along the side of the building. I want to hop up there and get on the roof. It seems like the safest place to be but I never get the chance.

Waking up 2:20 p.m.

Breakfast: Toasted Bagel with Butter and Blackcurrant Preserves. Orange Juice. Zinc, Biotin, Alfalfa Grain.

Meeting Chris at the storage unit to unload drums and let him borrow the car top carrier.

Big Lots.

Lunch: Egg Salad Sandwich with Lettuce and Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Mango Oolong Tea. Apricot. Banana.

Testing out the kinks in my M-Audio interface for recording.

I get called into work a little later than usual. Chinese food isn’t very popular on Independence Day. Getting sent home after 3 orders.

I decide to drive to the storage unit, pick up some drums, leave the van there, then ride my bike to meet up with Elliott and Wesley.

At his house, Elliott is playing Nascar. Him and Wesley eat burgers and fries. I drink a coke.

We walk down 16th street to the boardwalk – sirens sounding in the distance – hearing the booming finale of the fireworks. Wesley makes mention that it feels like the apocalypse. Elliott draws out lines with chalk and we invite everyone to play foursquare. I set up the tom drum and the water jug. Making beats – really delving myself into the rhythm and the spirit of the beat. People throw in dollars and change in the bucket. Elliott joins in every now and then. Playing foursquare with the others. The ball goes flat from being thrown into the prickly bushes.

Emily shows up. We head back to Elliott’s. Sitting in the backyard. Elliott explains his frustration with the idea that guys are expected to pursue girls.

I leave and decide to stop and visit Margot at the restaurant she works at.

Riding my bike back to the storage unit where my van is only to find someone has broken in and ransacked everything. No broken windows, doors still locked. The driver’s side door was pried open. Plastic coverings taken off. Glove compartment dumped open. All the coin change in the mid console stolen down to every last penny, even in the Sonic changer. Cough drops gone, rubber ball gone, flashlight gone, scotch tape gone, jumper cables gone, even my Sonic toys were gone. The only highly valuable thing stolen was the ipod dock and charger. It’s as if the burglars attempted to steal the car. After realizing how difficult it would be, they decided to take everything they could. I call 911.

Driving back home. A cop meets me there to take down the police report and check for fingerprints.

Eating Meatless Corn Dogs, Asparagus, and Watermelon. Margot is in the kitchen confronting me about my activities from last night and also confessing some feelings she has for this guy. It’s too much for me. I’m shaken up enough already. “I don’t need this.”

Thinking more about what’s happened to me tonight. My thoughts are racing. Feeling the chaos of all the people and commotion from July 4th at the beach bleeding over into the chaos of everything happening now. Talking with Margot about it, “The world’s gonna end soon…it’s going to happen…I think I’m being taught a lesson…” This isn’t the first time my van has been broken into and more important and valuable stuff has been stolen before. “Material things don’t matter…nothing matters anymore…I was looking at a photo in a magazine the other day showing all of Gandhi’s worldly possessions.” (dinner bowls, wooden fork and spoon, three porcelain monkeys, his diary, prayer book, watch, spittoon, paper knives, and two pairs of sandals) “Gandhi changed the world with such a small amount of material things and I can’t even change the world with all the material things I own,” which are insurmountable compared to his.

Most of the things I’ve lost from the van were meaningless. It’s the principle of being violated that disturbs me the most and the fact that the storage unit is a place I frequent.

Enjoying the new School of Seven Bells album. It’s comforting me. And so is Ambrotious. Thinking about the book of Genesis and how animals were meant to be man’s companions.

She texts me: “I want space from you.”

I reply: “the only way you’re going to get that is by hurting me.”

Eating a bowl of Frosted Mini-Wheats.

Cleaning up the van.

Finish watching The Road.

“I tell him, ‘When you dream about bad things happening, it shows you’re still fighting. You’re still alive. It’s when you start to dream about good things that you should start to worry.’”

Sleep around 6:30 a.m.

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