Saturday July 24 2010

DREAM: I step inside a big shed in search of something. It’s reminiscent to the feel of the attic in my house: hot, stuffy, and no airflow. I see stacks of insulation pieces. All of them are square-shaped. I’m moving them around to find what I’m looking for. Very cautious not to touch the pink fluffy fiberglass with my hands, otherwise I’ll get itchy. Some of it rubs a little on my face. Getting irritated. Finally, I decide to leave. I push myself out the door and can feel a big difference in the air outside: fresh, cool, and rejuvenating. Switch to a scene in Big Lots. My mom is buying a special treat for us, which is this bag of what seems to be cotton candy but you put it in ice cream cones to eat. I’m carrying one of the flavors called “Sherbet”. My mom has a 20-dollar bill in her hand. That’s how much it cost. Feeling a sense of comfort in knowing she’s taking care of me.

11 a.m. my alarm goes off. Have to be at work early.

Breakfast: Toasted Whole Wheat Bagel with Butter and Strawberry Jam. Dynamo Juice.

Work at China Wok.

The heat gets stronger every day.


Lunch: Egg Salad Sandwich on Rye Bread with Lettuce and Tomato. Salt N Vinegar Chips. Honey Green Tea.

After delivering so many orders to the nice lady on Vintage Court, we finally exchange names…Deloris.

Margot stops by at work and rides around with me for a few deliveries.

Sipping on a Caramel Javakula from Borders.

Art Show at the house featuring Yesper, Seamonster, Nelly Kate, and We Are Trees. And artwork from Liz Swain, Rachel Rephan, Peter Lawrence, and Todd Webb.

Eating Vegetable Lo Mein for dinner and drinking a Heineken.

Yesper gives me warmth. Seamonster unites the voices. Nelly Kate hypnotizes our senses. We Are Trees smoothes the mood.

Stephen puts his foot down on the strange old hillbilly man who is disrupting the party.

Four Square in the street.

“1623 is the place I want to be.” --- Ken Diamond

Walking to Kmart with Tyler, Ken, another dude named James, and a guy that can reproduce the dance moves from Michael Jackson’s Thriller. Picking up Grilled Cheese materials and Cereal. On the way back, the dude named James smashes his phone on the ground. Ken, picking up the bulk of the flip phone, “Can I keep your SIM card man?” We’ve made it close to the 7-11 and the Wawa. We hear a car’s engine rev up at loud decibel levels causing an interruption in our conversation. James decides it would be a good idea to taunt them as they drive off. Standing in the 7-11 parking lot as a police officer has stopped all us questioning our antics. We tell him exactly what we were doing, which is grabbing ingredients for Grilled Cheeses – showing him our Kmart bags. “So you guys go to school?” “No, we work actually.” “Where do you live?” “We live over on Michigan.” “How come I never see you all over there? Do you only come out at night?” “Yeah.” Referring to the colorful paint on James’s arm, “What’s this?” “It’s war paint----We just came from a party.” “Well, you all oughta be careful. Next time you yell at a car like that they could pull out guns and then you’d get assed down.” Yeah he uses the word “assed down”. Finally making it home. Conducting 1623’s Grilled Cheese 101 class, showing Tyler and them how to make the perfect grilled cheese.

Eating a bowl of Frosted Flakes Cereal.

Margot was waiting for me. She storms out of the house annoyed by all the people still lingering around because we had plans to see each other. I can’t compete with her game, her impatience, her disrespect, her rudeness, etc. I hadn’t even had the chance to get settled into the house yet. I thought I would give her the benefit of the doubt because I knew she’d just left a long and stressful shift at work. I wanted to see her just as much as she wanted to see me. Standing on the porch, arguing on the phone, trying to explain how irrational her behavior was. The conversation ensues in wasteful bouts of accusations and a lack of breath. I love her and I care about her so much but I can’t handle this bitterness and the constant feeling of being on edge with her.

Walking back inside after ending on a fairly reasonable note with her. They’re drawing on the floor, gospel and blues on the stereo. I’m tired. I boil some water for tea.

Brushing my teeth and analyzing myself in the mirror. Remembering a comment Renee had left me yesterday, “i miss crazy america and being around in your crazy hazy life.” Crazy America is right and even more right is my CRAZY HAZY LIFE.

The morning light has broke through. Picking up the trash in the yard. Ambrotious is roaming around in the backyard. I attempt to catch him but he retreats in the bushes.

Sleep around 7 a.m.

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