Saturday June 23 2012


Waking up a little after 10 a.m. Margot lies next to me, both of us restless because of the heat index in my room. Something’s wrong with the AC. Despite I still snuggle up next to her – spooning. All night I’ve had a boner. I guess that’s normal when I’m really comfortable and when lying next to her. Her backside. No pants or shorts. Just panties. Her precious bottom in full bloom. I literally can’t restrain myself from touching. I don’t know how to have control when I’m with her. There’s just this lustful fire that consumes me, turning me into a sex-crazed animal.

Banana. Orange Juice.

All day shift at China Wok.


Peanut Butter Bagel. Tortilla Chips with Fresh Guacamole. Pomegranate Cherry Ade.

The daytime is busy for deliveries. I find myself without a break. Pick up and go. Meanwhile I find time to chat with Kristin on the phone. She confesses to hanging out with this guy friend of hers last night after I left and spending the night with him, but nothing happened of significance except for cuddling. During a conversation break I ponder on this and make a deal with her that we leave all information like this out until we are exclusive because I feel it taints the current happenings and growth of the relationship. I think this is fair, and also considering I have my own confessions I could make but again, I don’t want those encounters to interfere with the process. If I were to choose to be in a committed relationship with Kristin I would without hesitation cut off all ties with Margot and any other significant female others. But there is still uncertainty and until that uncertainty goes away I am unattached.  

Snacking on Vegan Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins.

Working with an older Russian guy for the night shift. He’s very talkative and has a bucket of stories to tell. He goes on about his other delivery jobs in the early 90’s, how they used a CB radio system and had house parties twice a year at his boss’s place. 

The night continues. Kristin had planned on coming to see me tonight to give me some pictures she obtained from her thrift shopping earlier today. It’s after 10 p.m. I should be off work but of course we get a slew of orders. Kristin hops into the passenger seat and accompanies me on the last leg of my shift.


I rant to her my China Wok complaints. She always proves to be a great distraction from the delivery-driver struggles, smiling big and making fun of me.


Delivering an order on Sandy Court just past 12th street and Parks Avenue. I jump out of the car and run down the long narrow stretch of the apartment corridor. I return.

Me: “Did you catch that? That was a total Wes Anderson shot!”


Her: “I’ve never seen delivery drivers who sprint to customer’s doors. You’re just slinging bags of Chinese food.”

Me: “Yeah this isn’t pizza delivery. It’s the Asian sense of urgency.”

Finally off. Back home.

Hot and Sour Soup with Fried Noodles. Spring Rolls. Shrimp Egg Roll.

Darren had called to inform me its Lauren, our old nanny/roommate’s birthday and they’re all celebrating at Mermaids. So Kristin and I head over there. I’m a strip club virgin so this is a new experience for me. We were told to tell the bouncer, “Ron Burgundy,” a code word to get us a pink wristband for cheaper drinks. Brandon happens to be the bouncer – he used to go to my church when we were young – he recognizes me. It’s interesting that we would cross paths here. I’m out of my element, but not so much. Darren, James Graves, and Richie are here. Lauren spots me, yells at the top of her lungs and smothers me with hugs. Gin and Tonics. PBR’s. Green, streaming, sparkle, flashing. Young birds adorned with lingerie and scandalous attire dance and contort their bodies in ways you don’t see on a regular basis. I feel like I’m in a gangster movie and I should be conducting deals at a round table and slipping bills to the waitress’s hip. This isn’t your typical Navy men joint but a more hip alternative club, but still a place where objectifying women isn’t just okay but rewarded. It’s business. I mean this isn’t any different than other social events or parties or clubs. The game is the same I suppose. But here I am taking it all in. Admiring the curvy bodies swinging around the poles and flapping their legs in front of drooling men. 


Out on the smoking patio. Darren is chatting with two dudes he used to know from middle school. He jokingly presents me to everyone as this mysterious creature...

Darren: “This species of hipster lives to be 3000 years old. He was actually a hipster pharaoh. He even designed one of the pyramids!”

I chime in retort, “Okay Darren! I may be the grandfather of a hipster commune but let’s remember you’re the grandfather of hipster thought! Don’t leave yourself out of it.”


Kristin and I head back home. I’m socially and physically exhausted. But she’s the total opposite: hungry for affection and sexual satisfaction. Straddling me and smothering me with sweet kisses. It’s been a while since we’ve had sex. But to be honest I’m just not feeling it. I need to rest and decompress from all the noise of the day. As well I’m a little battered from last week’s uncertain behavior and distance. And then my run-in with Margot kind of complicated the senses. At any rate, I plop down on my bed. After Kristin leaves I don’t even change positions and fall dead asleep with all the lights on around 2:30 a.m.

[i] Image from Cavalier Magazine Nov1965.

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