Thursday June 21 2012


☼ ○ ▬

Lying in my bed. A black cat appears and starts to nuzzle me and vie for attention. It’s Moses, my cat who died a year ago in waking life. I begin to cry as I pet him. Everything wells up inside me, all my other sorrows and troubles, and I project it all into my adoration for him...

“Aw. I—I—I’ve missed youuuu.” 

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up just a little after noon.


Having a disheartening conversation with Kristin via text...

Her: “I don’t think I want to see you right now.”

Me: “seriously Kristin? you texted me ‘I don’t want to be in this right now’ and that we can talk soon about it. I deserve to be talked to face to face. I’m dying here. I’m prepared to leave this be if that’s what you want...”

Her: “I’m not ready to talk to you about this in person. I may never be able to. I just don’t want to be involved in your web anymore.”

Me: “but I have a few things to share while things are fresh on my (your) mind before too much time passes...I haven’t learned yet who you are.”

Her: “You made me hide who I was because you felt overwhelmed by my emotional nature. I don’t turn my emotions off for anyone. You simply do not have the time of effort to meet what I need. You want something easy. And I’m not easy.”

Me: “no you’re not. that’s why I have to fight.”

Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Honey Green Tea.

Running errands. Picking up my settlement check from my insurance agent. Then meeting with the dude from Glasshouse Kustoms and cutting a fair deal to repair my car.


Aloe Vera Drink.


Its hit 95 degrees today.


Then, to the storage unit to repair a keyboard.

Back home.

Honey Barbecue Garlic Mahi-mahi with Onions, Green Peppers, Mushrooms, Carrots, and Rice.

Dutched Cocoa Crème Cookies.

After seeing me yesterday randomly at work Margot conjures up an idea to see a movie with me. She invites me out. At first I’m hesitant. I feel disconnected and offbeat about regular interaction between her and I. Plus I still have a score to settle I suppose.

Me: “I’m still uncertain if I’m ready to hang out with you like normal.”

But she’s persistent and eventually I agree.


She picks me up and we attend the showing of Snow White and the Huntsman (2012). The visuals and style of the film are surreal but all and all it’s just another adventure film and offshoot fairy-tale story.

Afterwards, she accidently kidnaps me and brings me to her house after missing the exit for mine. I grab a Magic Hat out of the fridge and listen to her say cute things. We exchange a few hugs but nothing much more physical than that.

I smile and say, “It’s kind of nice hanging out with you when you haven’t contacted me at desperate emotional hours.”

She tries to get me to stay but I make clear I want to be home so she takes me back.

Snacking on Popcorn and constructing a mix CD for Kristin.

Sleep around 4 a.m.

[i] Snow White and the Huntsman still frame.

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