Tuesday June 19 2012


☼ ○ ▬

I’m with Tara. It’s understood we’re traveling the country. We stop to hang out with a crowd of people outside a college dormitory. For some reason I have a bag of Chinese food and as a joke I deliver it to Tara. Later, it’s just her and I in my bed. We’re entertained by a green laser light plane spread out above us in midair. We’re about to have sex but decide against it.  

▬ ○ ☼

It was a restless night – constantly changing positions. The beer daze from the night before sets in making my stomach feel slightly queasy. And sleeping next to a new body also took some getting used to. We both wake up slowly and share our dreams. Tara leaves to hang out with her sister... 

Her: “Thanks for letting me cuddle with you.”


Me: “I should say the same to you.”

Peanut Butter Bagel. Orange Juice.

The insurance agent calls me with unwanted news: “Unfortunately, Mr. Smith, your vehicle has been counted as a total loss.” I’m left with options for an unreasonable settlement. So now I’m scrambling, calling anyone I know with advice and ideas for an affordable place to get bodywork done.


I write up a list of shops and drive around, stopping by different places and talking with interesting characters. I recall delivering Chinese food to a hole-in-the-wall auto shop off Sykes Avenue a long time ago. I decide to check it out. I meet Les, a burly black man with a wrapped up dread head. He’s confident he can repair most everything within an insanely cheap price range. This could be a blessing.

My boy, Rob, calls me again from Shore Drive asking for another bottle of bourbon. I’m not working at China Wok today but I deliver to him anyway. He tips me generously.


Stop at Stoney’s Produce for peaches and tomatoes.

James Graves pops in at random hoping people would be in the house to invite to the beach. We chat a bit and I upload some new music for him on his phone.

Grilled Cheese (Soy) with Tomato. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Honey Green Tea.

Watching The Perfect Host (2010).

Kristin asked if we could talk on the phone later. I agreed. But an hour later she changes her mind and I receive these texts...

Her: “Robert, I can’t talk on the phone tonight but at some point we need to have a talk. I know for sure that I don’t want to be in this. Please don’t call me bc I won’t answer. Just let’s talk soon about it if you want...not tonight.”

I respect the request and do not call. But my first reaction instills in me a feeling of defeat. This is ridiculous. This has to be at least the fifth time she’s came to this realization. She’s super up and down, coming to dramatic conclusions every day. It’s frustrating for me. But I get where she’s coming from. This is just who she is. It’s possible she may have better intuition than I do. And maybe this will be for the best. I still like her. And I really hope we can be involved in each other’s lives to a degree. I think what I really need is to be a free bird. I’ll talk to her soon and we can sort out everything.

At the storage unit. Playing the electric guitar, which I haven’t picked up in a quite a while. Then, attempting to fix a keyboard.

Garlic Rice Noodle Soup with Broccoli and Mixed Vegetables. Parmesan Bread with Olive Oil.

Organizing music.

Sleep at 2:30 a.m.

[i] Joshua Petker.

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