Tuesday May 15 2012


☼ ○ ▬

There’s a Vaginasaurs show happening in about three hours. I’m with Stephanie and Josiah in a shed-like building. I put on my dress and walk in on Josiah taking a piss on the floor. He’s smiling. Stef and I laugh at the outrageous scene. The bottom of my dress accidentally gets dipped into the yellow liquid. A shower is on so I rinse off the spot. We’re in a hurry but Josiah is lost in fun and games. He starts spraying everyone with water, soaking both Stef and I.

“Josiah! C’mon!”

Outside, the station wagon is packed but I suddenly realize I forgot the PA system. So we trot over to the house (in Chanticleer). Now there’s a sense of urgency. I’m stressing out because there are a lot of obstacles in my way. There's a notice on the door from the courts to a guy named Levi that used to live here before we moved in. Our neighbor also has the same notice. I confront him about it to see if our annoyance was shared. Inside I’m about to run up the stairs but Josiah gets distracted with turning on all these fans. I try to keep them off.

“Why are you so fascinated with air and water?!”

The scene keeps going and going. We’ve got most of the gear outside. I keep running up to my room to double-check that everything is good. But nothing makes me feel at ease.

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up at 1 p.m.

Quaker Cinnamon Brown Sugar Breakfast Bar. Orange Juice.

Grocery shopping with Darren. We start out at Target and then I’m persuaded into Kmart. The checkout line experience goes as expected. The little Asian lady in front of me is having complications understanding the credit card machine. It always asks you a question that you have to answer before moving forward in the transaction.

The clerk says, “Just answer the question.”

But the Asian lady can’t even read it. The clerk steps around and reads aloud the question, “Would you recommend Kmart to your friends?”

The Asian lady shakes her head, “No.”

I don’t think she understood the question but this is too funny. Now it’s finally my turn. The clerk doesn’t know what kale is and I’m asked to spell it out. I think the sight of fresh unmarked vegetables confuses clerks sometimes because the majority of their customers probably buy the canned or pre-packaged versions with actual barcodes.

Grilled Cheese with Tomato on a Bagel. Potato Chip Trio and Chips n Salsa. Honey Green Tea.

Watching documentaries on North Korea.

Lost in melodies on the piano.

Kristin drops by for a visit. Darren joins us downstairs while I try out this oatmeal bar recipe.


Kristin: “This chair just like comforts me.”


Kristin: “Darren, you smell like cigarettes, liquor, and weed.”


Darren: “I’m just sick of everyone.”

Kristin: “Dude you’re more sassy than me! That little head bob thing you just did. I can relate to that.”

Me: “Maybe you guys should get married.”

Looking up the Passion Pit/M83 tickets online Kristin says, “I just typed passionate pit.”

Me: “I want to submerse myself into a passionate pit!”


Darren cracks a mom joke.

Me: “Why is recycled humor so funny?”


Kristin looks over at me on my computer. With all the imagery behind me she says, “You look like Easter Religion right now!”

I crank up some jams in the living room and exercise a little bit – moving my body – jumping jacks – crunches – lifting weights. Old school White Stripes comes on inspiring a sing along between Darren and I.

Enjoying some of Darren’s Vegetables in Peanut Sauce. I add some Black Beans and Rice and continue watching other documentaries on North Korea.

Iced Oatmeal Bar.

[Text message]

Kristin: “I want you to know that I have such a great time when we see eachother. It’s really positive for me.”

Me: “this is a really good thing.”

Kristin: “How so?”

Me: “like its good for you to feel positive and feel a sense of enrichment around people you consider friends.”

I think about Margot from time to time. It’s only been about a week since I’ve seen her (as well as had no contact with her) but it feels like months have passed. I’m excited to get back into productivity and surrounding myself with friends. And I sense a new aloneness. I’m an unattached person. I’m going to be fine. I’m free. But a more substantial amount of time still needs to go by in order to sever all ties. I don’t see myself losing my willpower and reaching out to her but I worry that she might. And I’m worried what my reaction is going to be.

At the old storage unit packing up the station wagon – haven’t completely moved out of it.

Kristin calls me and we have quite an in depth conversation. Coming to a better understanding of where each one of us is coming from.

Me: “I like you, I do. And I enjoy the flow of what’s going on but I’m being very careful...and with good reason. I’m interested to see where this goes”


Sleep 4 a.m.

[i] Eastern Religion. Image by Kristin.
[ii] Comfort Zone. Image by me.

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