Saturday May 19 2012


It’s shortly after 8:30 a.m. I feel Kristin’s restlessness. Her sleep schedule is slightly different than mine.

Me: “I knew this would happen. You’d be wide awake at 8 o’clock.”

We play and tumble in the bed for a little bit. After we switch spots (she moves to the inside near the wall), we’re able to drift off back to sleep.

Waking up at 11 a.m.

Iced Oatmeal Breakfast Bar. Orange Juice.

All day shift at China Wok.

Slow lunch time.

Thick juicy Peach.

Anthony finally replies to my email...

Dear Sal,

       I read your last letter with an ache in my heart and a heavy sadness in my soul.  A sadness for you, for me and for all the things that we leave behind. Being on the old road makes it hard to not feel that way, the landscape round here changing as often as my mind... I believe you when you say that this is really the end. I believe you as much as a best friend owes it to his pal to believe him when he says something with a souls conviction. I stand by you and the decisions you make as a brother, cause after all is said and done, we are brothers. Brothers in this crazy young- american- adopted kind of family that our love for community has helped to create. No matter how scattered I never forget who and where my heart was made with. We were forged from the same elements you and I. Fire and 90s melodies. Summer Rain and falling in love with every cute girl we see. Destiny and the way it feels when the basketball goes through the net just right. But you must know all these things and more of the same by now, cause every time I have a thought, I smile at the idea that you have already had this thought and vice versa into a blissfully shared oblivion...

  ...I miss feeling like a piece of a puzzle. I underestimated my roots with you and the rest of the family. Not just the house there but also in the whole community. To think that you can take away a piece of an ecosystem  and then expect either the ecosystem or the piece that was taken away  to function in the same way as before is ridiculous. In many ways though this was the assumption that I made. Of course I understand that all things change and I never once doubt that this time apart from you and the community is needed. By both the community and myself. Sometimes there is nothing fresher than an old friend being new...

 ...Oh these transitory seasons of youth are beautiful.  Sometimes incredibly painful, colossally confusing and downright dirty, but such is life. At the end of the day, (ha! there I am with my old catch-phrases), life is beautiful, we are full of life therefore we are beautiful. Simple mathematics.

 ...I am going down into Mexico in the next ten days or so and I may not be able to reach you for quite some time. I hope this letter can help guide you through till then. Don't fret. Anytime you feel like worrying just remember:

Dance. Blast those songs. Build each other up. Never forget Beauty and every once in awhile think about Jesus. Above all else,

         STAY LIVE.

              With Sincerity, Love, and Warmth,

             Anthony (Dean)

P.S. Every time you read this we are that much closer to our next game of basketball. I hope you're ready.

Scrambled Eggs with Tomatoes. Five Guys French Fries with Ketchup. Honey Green Tea.

Chocolate Chip Cookies.

For some reason I can’t tame the snake in my pants today. As I drive around delivering this boner seems relentless. It could be caused from the topic of my text conversation with Kristin and also the bleed over from last night.

The deliveries continue into the night.

Finally off work after 10.


Tofu with Broccoli, Snow Peas, Onions, and Rice with Garlic Sauce.

Watching The Thirteenth Floor (1999).

James Graves stops by. Catching him up on the recent events and relaying my concerns. 
He opens up the fortune cookie I forgot to unwrap and reads it aloud, “If you never change your mind, why have one?”

Writing official reflections.

Sleep at 3 a.m.

[i] Ryan Halliwill.

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