Sunday May 20 2012


Peach. Iced Oatmeal Breakfast Bar. Orange Juice.

All day shift at China Wok.

As soon as I step into the restaurant I’m locked into high gear – orders steadily coming in right and left.

Because of the busyness I barely have time to stop at the house for lunch.

Banana. Trail Mix. Tortilla Chips and Salsa. Honey Green Tea.

The China Wok dragon fury continues and has no mercy. Rainy Sundays equal extreme Chinese food appetite all over Virginia Beach. It’s ridiculous how much the weather affects the Chinese food business. I guess the thing is the people that don’t work on weekends don’t feel like leaving their house or putting forth the effort into cooking. The rain only encourages the hibernation and that’s where I play my role. Here I am to save their day. I’m the best dragon slayer in town. Efficient routing is key.


I’m sharp as a tack. Trekking through the consistent rain. Marching up the slippery walkways and driveways.


It’s an endless time void and before I know it I’ve only an hour to go.

For a while I was holding off on going to the bathroom but I finally get the opportunity to relieve myself. Orgasmic is probably the only adjective to describe this piss.

Slurping down some Vegetable Lo Mein for dinner during the last hour.

Finally off work.

After driving a whopping 176 miles, delivering 50 orders, and walking out with $181.25 in tips I feel accomplished. I’ve never worked so hard in my China Wok career – a record high.


Sitting in my car in the Chanticleer parking lot and talking on the phone with Kristin. She’s had a pretty gloomy self-reflective day and is distressed about the unknown – the beginnings...but there’s a deterrent. I’ve scared her with information that I may or may not have HPV. It’s certain that I have had it before (my very first girlfriend gave it to me many moons ago) but there is no way to test for it in the male. It’s more likely that I don’t have it now because this kind of virus can go away over time. She’s never had to deal with one of her partners having any sort of STD before. We haven’t even had sex yet nor are we in an exclusive relationship yet and here we are discussing these types of issues. But I guess it’s important to understand what one’s getting into. It’s that scary that she even considers ceasing all pursuit with me of any kind. I’m surprised at her reaction but I try to see it on her level.


Me: “This is edification. This is about understanding another person. I want to understand you.”


Me: “You’re not gonna find something perfect and pure. It just doesn’t exist. You can’t let your fears become irrational.”

I walk inside the house. We have new couch surfers from England, Alice and Jeanette. Darren and Kevin are present along with Richie, Don, and some other guy. Hanging out in the living room sipping on beers, making fun of each other, and telling stories. 

In my room settling down in my computer chair. It’s almost 2 a.m. The phone rings. It’s Margot. What? Again? I let it ring for a little bit. She’s only going to keep calling and calling, and probably end up showing up at the house. So I answer.

Me: “Hello.”

Her: “Oh. You answered this time! What are you doing?”

She’s not as inebriated compared to Friday night but still it’s enough for some charismatic drama.  

Me: “Why are you calling me?”

Her: “What. I can’t call you?”


Me: “I really don’t want to see you tonight.”

I’m just super worn out, tired, and want to be left alone. It’s been an overwhelming day. I don’t have the capacity for the 30-minute long-winded dramatic battle that ensues. She’s demanding and won’t accept no for an answer. I’m shaking from the stress she’s producing in my bones. I have a ton more willpower than her. 


She’s in my room now. I inquire as to why she so urgently needed to see me. It’s nothing really but she goes into a story about this guy that she already kissed that has a girlfriend and how they were hanging out with friends and how he’s a bitch and she’s angry at him and blah blah blah.  

Me: “I really don’t care. I don’t want to hear about this. You’re here because of a failed attempt. That’s not fair. I can’t be your girlfriend – the one you come to vent to about these things. Maybe in two or three months this would be okay. But this is kind of rude. Like, I don’t care about your escapades with other men. I really don’t.”

I don’t want any part of your hazy drunken lifestyle.

I fear I will always be her default. But I make myself clear...

Me: “Look, this is fine for tonight but from now on we need to have legitimate space from each other.”

She sullenly responds, “Okay.”

We lie down and go to sleep. No sex. No kissing. Nothing. I’m grateful because I really want to respect the new potential significant other in my life. Margot doesn’t know. And that’s how it should stay...for now. We do not need to be in the know of each other’s lives right. I could see myself in two or three months catching up and it being platonic. But not now. 

[i] Unknown Russian illustration.

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