Monday May 14 2012


☼ ○ ▬

My car is parked on the beach along with other cars – families have come here to relax and enjoy the summer atmosphere. I’m standing on the boardwalk – tourists and other people around me. Someone points out the strange behavior the clouds are producing. I look up in the sky to see them moving at an unusual fast pace – it’s speed increasing every second. A storm is coming. People start to scramble. I run across the sand and jump into the driver’s seat of the station wagon. My mom, step-dad, and step-grandma are sitting in the back seemingly shocked at the changing colors in the sky. I observe a mini tornado form about 100 feet in front of us. I can hear the whooshing sounds of the wind. I rev up the engine and recklessly reverse and drive the other direction. But the tornado follows our path. I drive as fast as I can through muddy sand. Eventually, the terrain changes to a narrow windy road in the mountains. I can’t see the tornado but it’s still understood it is hot on our tail.  The windshield is blurry and I can barely drive straight enough to stay on the asphalt. Jimmy, my step-dad is concerned but I assure everyone in the car they can trust me to get us to safety. 

▬ ○ ☼

Alarm goes off at 11:10 a.m.

Quaker Cinnamon Brown Sugar Breakfast Bar. Orange Juice.

All day shift at China Wok.

The storm is passing (not overhead but inside me). I will weather the storm and withstand the symbolic destruction it has caused. Cause storms aren’t permanent. They will blow over in time. And here I will be...still alive. The things (people) I try to protect (possess) only seem valuable in the moment but as time passes farther and farther into the future it becomes less important. I’m headed to a much happier and stress-free place now. I want to be with my friends and my music and start loving life thoroughly.

Double Egg Sandwich with Mayonnaise and Tomato. Potato Chip Trio. Honey Green Tea.

Phone conversation with Gillian. Reflecting on the other night when we hooked up...

Me: “I mean you understand what I’m going through. For the past 2 years or so I’ve only had sex with one person. So it felt a little strange to me. It doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy myself. I’m sure you did too.”

There’s no denying the superficiality behind it. The lack of deep emotional ties and spirituality to it will bite you in the butt the next day. But it’s all a part of the process of solidifying the disconnect from the one I was in love with for so long – to move on and experience other partners and prospects.

There’s too much down time at work right now. One or two deliveries per hour.

Watching this Vice documentary on the world’s scariest drug called scopolamine where you are rendered without free-will...

The night continues...old school hip hop blaring on the stereo.

Finally off.

Black Beans, Broccoli, and Snow Peas, with Rice in Brown Garlic Sauce. Rolling Rock Beer.

Watching a National Geographic documentary on the science of evil.

Noodling some new melodies on the piano.

Darren and I bake Cheese Cake Swirl Brownies. Eating a few pieces with Coconut Milk.

I decide to fly solo on the Friends School basketball courts. I purposefully leave my phone behind. Shooting hoops and reflecting on the past year – sorting through lost/failed connections in my head. These courts late at night, whether alone or with another, serve as a mental garbage disposal.

Back home. Watching a Vice documentary on North Korea.

Sleep around 3:30 a.m.

[i] Spinning formation of ice, clouds, and low-lying fog off eastern coast of Greenland. Image by LandSat.

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