Sunday May 27 2012


☼ ○ ▬

Inside a recreation facility. We’ve been locked in a certain part of the building. I’m with a beautiful tall and skinny Russian woman who holds a menacing secret from me and the others. I have no choice but to give her respect if I want to survive. Exploring the hallways I find a gymnasium. People playing basketball everywhere. I brought my own ball, the black and blue one. It accidently gets mixed in with the other balls being thrown around – some of them resembling my ball’s color and design. I have a hard time differentiating between them.




A map view: Claremont Ave; Rosemont Rd. This map doesn’t make any sense. Margot is in the same room.

▬ ○ ☼

Breaking out of sleep every fifteen minutes or so. Some scenarios involving Margot, and it’s always the same thing...I’m being taunted by her presence and her potential new lovers. I’m slightly disturbed by this.

Waking up at 11:40 a.m.

Oatmeal Breakfast Bar. Orange Juice.

All day shift at China Wok.

Virginia Beach is a fiery furnace – the blazing sun baking me and my station wagon to a crisp.

Feeling a sense of withdrawal...not necessarily sexual and not necessarily emotional. Maybe it was the recurring sequence of dreams I had this morning that reminded me of the absence of her. She still sifts through my day-to-day thoughts. I’m not bogged down with it though but it’s enough to recognize the distance. It feels like months have gone by but in reality it has only been a few weeks.

I get a sling of lunch orders to deliver, one of them being The Holiday Inn on 39th street. It’s quite a frustrating ordeal as the customer isn’t in their room. I call and find out the whole Puerto Rican family is hanging out at the pool. I go in search. No luck. It’s been at least 15 minutes of me looking for a needle in a haystack. Finally, I conjure up help from a cheery employee at the front desk and we locate the mystery family. Transaction complete. I drive off in anger but also with a generous tip.

Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Tortilla Chips with Guacamole Salsa. Honey Green Tea.

The combination of the relentless heat and the repetitive disappointment in tips induce in me a miserable rage. I find myself beating the passenger seat as I accelerate with abandon. I am cruel to the sun and rebel against its ominous presence...

“Go away! Get out of my life! I wish you would just GO DOWN!”  

The day finally digresses to night and I’m fully satisfied.

Kristin stops in and rides around with me on the last of my deliveries.

Back home. We have a Rastafarian Frenchman couch surfer here for the week. Darren, Kevin, and the usual gang of people are here hanging around the house and drinking. Kevin still hasn’t paid me the money for the laptop and we get into a spat about the price.

Kevin: “No. You said it was $200.”

Me: “No, Kevin. The price has always been $250. That laptop is worth $300. I bought it from China Wok for $250.”

Kevin: “Then why do I have it in my head that it was $200?”

Me: “Because you have reality filters over your ears.”


Tofu with Broccoli, Snow Peas, Onions, and Rice in Garlic Sauce.

Fortune cookie: “It’s time for you to explore all those new interests.”

Kristin and I spend personal time in the bedroom. It’s her birthday at midnight. Sipping on smiley face wine and chit chatting about this and that – making fun of each other – analyzing our former relationships, their destructive nature and their positive aspects. Amongst the topics comes up sex. And we tend to talk about sex casually even though we’ve never experienced it with each other – talking about what we like, favorite positions, etc. At some point she develops that classic glaring look in her eye. We kiss then mutually decide to just do it. I slap one of those latex things on and we have sex. But it is short lived. I don’t know why. I can’t keep the blood flow going after we change positions. It’s my fault. She takes notice and lie down side by side. 


Her: “Well maybe I don’t turn you on...”

Me: “No, that’s definitely not it. It’s just because we’re using a condom. I’m not used to using one.”

I assure her that it’s just me. This has happened before when I’ve tried to use a condom on someone new.

She falls asleep beside me around 3 a.m.

[i] Image by me.

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