Monday May 28 2012


I’m awakened around 8 a.m. to Kristin’s restlessness. Her biological clock wakes her up this early. I’m in a super dead sleepy state. She’s being cute and worried at the same time.

Her: “I want to talk.”

Me: “I need sleep.”

After maybe 30 minutes she settles down. Back to sleep...

☼ ○ ▬

Exploring an industrial courtyard on a push scooter. I’ve abandoned the group I was with. Having fun darting up and down the asphalt hills. I discover a strange alluring tunnel-hole in the ground. My body is just the right size to fit. I slip my legs down into it to test the depths. I can’t reach the bottom. I partially recognize that I’m dreaming and because of that I consider taking a risk to jump down there because I have no consequences to worry about. I’ll just wake up. But being the careful person that I am I pull out my phone and use the flashlight app to shine a light down into the tunnel. Glowing eyes reflect back. A vicious white dog barks in response. I realize at this point I should probably run away from this. So I make for the corner of the courtyard – behind a door – advance to the ledge. I look down. I didn’t realize this whole time I’ve been at least 20 stories high. I locate the exit hatch on the corner of the roof. It’s understood I’m in a video game of some kind. The white dog is chasing me. I hop down through the hatch and wait for the music to start up signifying I’ve reached the end. I expect the game to freeze but it doesn’t. Instead I slowly sink through the hatch structure and just in time to miss the gnashing teeth of the dog. I slip down on the top of an intricate system of multicolored slides and rods, similar to a playground. Carefully I move along swirling further downward and eventually reaching the bottom. A pool of muddy water surrounds me. I look over to find my mom and a few of her friends cheering for me on the sidelines. I toss my purple book bag to a little girl then step into the water, which is knee deep. There’s a struggle as the rush of the water pulls me away from my mom and the sidelines. I feel a supernatural force tug at my legs. I grab hold of the plastic siding and crawl my way out of the stormy water. I jump over the siding and I’m safe. This is understood to be quite a victory for me in dreamland.     

▬ ○ ☼ 

Alarm goes off at 11:05 a.m.

Her black heart ring lies by the bedside. I pick it up...

Me: “I’m taking your black heart.”

Her: “Nooo! I need that.”


Oatmeal Breakfast Bar. Orange Juice.

All day shift at China Wok.

Another super hot day.

Supersonic Breakfast Burrito from Sonic (Egg, Cheese, Tomato, Jalapeno, Tater Tot). Salt n Vinegar Chips. Raspberry Lemonade.

Throughout the day I’m involved in a text conversation with Kristin. She’s having dark emotional reactions to what happened last night and our newly acquired intimacy in general. We’ve both made clear there is no pressure to step into something exclusive for now and of course we are still learning about each other as persons. I’m feeling less of a drive as of late considering the recent stumbling blocks on her end and on my end too. But I still have that gift of intuition and making sense of things.


Me: “I know all the secrets of the universe, kristin. I don’t know why you resist letting me make sense of everything.”


Her: “I always end up becoming this person I don’t like when I get close to people...I like my walls but I don’t...I’m really good at telling everything I feel which creates lots of problems. But I just don’t really get to know a lot of people deeply. I think I behave oddly.”


Me: “knowing someone deeply is quite an achievement and reward.”

Business is steady. Alone in my car with my thoughts and tunes.

Blueberries. Vitamin Water.

It is less stressful than yesterday.

Finally off work – a fairly productive shift.

Nobody’s home. But I’m sure they will be soon enough. Josiah pops in at random. We chat downstairs in the dining room about the realities of things, an artist’s drive to create, and drawing lines (boundaries) with girls.

Shrimp with Broccoli, Snow Peas, Onions, and Rice in Garlic Sauce.

Eventually the cavalry arrives from a night of beach drinking. Heavy debates and discussions rev up the air about the existence of God and evolution.

I retire to my room.

Watching Teen Wolf (1985).

[Text message]

Kristin: “Have I scared you away yet?”

Me: “I’m like running for the door.”

Kristin: “Are you joking?”

Me: “yes”

Sleep 3 a.m.

[i] Marker drawing. Merijn Hos.

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