Monday May 21 2012


☼ ○ ▬

I’m on the clock delivering for China Wok in search for 34 E Shay Street. I turn the corner but take W Shay Street instead. U-turn. But this particular sector of the neighborhood has a red farm gate blocking the way – with a rope tied and a lock on it. Upon closer inspection I discover all I have to do is un-strap the rope and the gate can easily be pulled open. I make my way forward on foot in search for the 34 house address but the numbers keep rising. Along the way I admire the beautiful antique buildings mixed in with the newly developed housing. The trees and the green vegetation surround everything – the smell of honeysuckle and an overall feeling of freshness, as if it just rained. There’s a little girl back at the gate that tries to help me and says she’s located the address I’m looking for. I follow her back up the street on the west side and we find number 34. The door is already half open so I enter. A smiling bohemian couple greets me and we make the food exchange. The man offers me a gift: a small plant that appears to be fake. I accept with gratitude. I look out the window...

Me: “Man, I just love this part of town! It’s so beautiful.”

Man: “Yeah, there’s a lot of people here.”

Back out in the hallway, which is not the outside anymore but an apartment hallway. I head to the main lobby where I have to put the gate back up and tie the rope around it. I notice Megan Stamper and her brother enter through the glass doors. Then, Jasmine. Then, some other people I know.

Me: “I guess everybody lives here now!”

▬ ○ ☼ ○ ▬

In a house – a bunch of friends and strangers gathered. I’ve instigated a long jumping contest in the living room. I have to explain the simple rules of jumping from a standing position as far as you can across the floor. We first try to mark our distances with carpet pieces but I encourage using pens instead. There’s a big line of people waiting to jump. I venture into the kitchen where I find platters of finger food: black beans, red grapes, and chocolate dipped kiwis. I grab a kiwi and taste the odd combination of flavors. It’s really good. I make conversation with a Filipino deejay about including slice-of-life film as a backdrop to deejay shows. Back in the living room it’s my turn to jump. I go for it. I use my dream abilities of flailing my arms to stay afloat in the air and almost make it to the couch on the other side of the room. The room goes quiet. I snicker and act surprised at myself.

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up around 11 a.m.

I’ve got a few epiphany texts from Kristin...

“You are so amazing. I slept on it and I really want to see you again. I can’t forget about you and I will be killing myself if I tried to :( I don’t know what this all means but I know that I left your house despite of my worries feeling the most connected I have in a long time. The whole night we spent together felt organic and so natural. You are truly beautiful inside and out.”

I respond, “(:) equals me smiling on the inside and out.”

Cookie Butter Toast. Orange Juice. Peach.

All day shift at China Wok.

I don’t think today’s business can top yesterday’s.

It’s slow for lunchtime. So I compose an email to Margot entitled, “aftershocks”...

Look, I need to relay some thoughts and I will try to keep this simple.

You’ve really blindsided me by showing up at my house the two times that you have. It’s not good for me or for you to do that. I know I’m your default and best friend – I’m the one person you feel you can always come to no matter what and will understand you. I get that. And I accept that role.

However, it is detrimental that I not see you or talk with you for at least two months, maybe only one. Because I feel after a certain amount of time has passed it’s possible we could meet up every once in a while and talk about life on a platonic but also endearing level. But we won’t know how natural that will feel until the distance has settled in. Over the past two weeks I have been separating from you in my mind – attempting to disconnect the emotions and attachment. I’m in a good spot right now and feel accomplished.

I love you so much. I do think about you a lot and when I do it is with fondness and beauty. What we had seemed indestructible. It was passionate and sometimes I feel that will always be there in some form. 

I know you too well. And I realize you are branching out quickly and seeking attention from other guys and that’s okay. But please don’t mangle me up in your hazy nightlife problems. You need to learn who you are and build up strength on your own. Find independence. I think you’ll uncover a lot about yourself.

Please try to be respectful of what I’m asking of you.

I love you with all my heart. Please be safe and guard your heart. Use wisdom.

I’ll still be here...


PS You can reply to this if you want.

I receive a text in response from her, “Fine. I’ll do that if you want.”

Stop by the house for food.

Scrambled Egg and Tomato Burritos. Tortilla Chips with Avocado and Salsa. Honey Green Tea.

Gillian stops by The Wok and rides around with me on a few deliveries. She hurt her toe real bad and is hopped up on drowsy medicine that makes her eyes glossy and her demeanor lethargic.

Me: “So how are you doing?”

Her: “I’ve been bored.”

Me: “You know what they say about people that are bored don’t you? And of course this might not be you. But they say only boring people get bored.”

The night continues into an anti-climatic closure. Only delivered 20 orders today. Compared to 50 orders yesterday I’d say this was a let down.

Back home.

Tofu with Broccoli, Snow Peas, Onions, and Rice in Garlic Sauce.

Hanging out in the living room with the British couch surfers, Darren, Kevin, Richie, James Graves, and Kristin. Skippy strolls in soon after. Forrest Gump (1994) on TV.


Later, outside with Kristin smoking a mild clove. She’s heavy with fears and apprehension still. She’s utterly terrified of being tainted and impure. I discover its part of her personality to let one thing worry her to death. I try to educate her with the facts.


Her: “Why do you make so much sense?”

Me: “I guess I’m just logical.”


Her: “I think I idealized you.”


Me: “I feel like you’re looking for an angel.”

I walk her to the car and continue chatting about said subject and other observations about each other.

Her: “You’re a combination of so many things.”


The kids are piling in their cars to go to Rick’s. Kevin takes notice to us and approaches. He tries to encourage us to join them at Rick’s.

Me: “No, Kevin. Go away! We’re depressed.”

Of course, I’m being half sarcastic. They leave. She leaves.

She sends me an after text...

“I apologize for tonight. I just need some time to reflect and think. I realized that today when I came over.”

Sleep around 3:30 a.m.

[i] Jesse Auersalo.

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