[i]
Waking up around 12:40 p.m.
Catching up on writing.
Double Egg Sandwich with Mayonnaise and Tomato. Popcorn.
Orange Juice.
Watching Animal Factory (2000).
Dutched Cocoa Crème Cookies. Green Tea.
Running a few errands then shooting over to Norfolk to
rehearse with Suburban Living, Wesley’s band. He’s got a show booked in NY next
week and asked me to play keyboards and tambourine. I’m learning these parts
for the first time but a few run-throughs of the set and everything feels
together.
...
Afterwards, Elliott and I meet up at Tortilla West for tacos
and a game of pool.
Four Black Bean Tacos with Cheese and Lettuce. Modelo.
Originally, Kristin and I were supposed to get sushi after
practice but she redirected herself to T-West to hang with her friend Hannah,
which I was cool with. But soon after I arrived she started acting strange and
standoffish, as if I had done something wrong.
...
Scooping up Ambrotious from Emily. I offered to babysit him
for one night while she moves out of her apartment. I’ve got the cat in the
passenger seat and drive back to Virginia Beach. Kristin calls, at first to
apologize for acting weird earlier, but the conversation turns sour fast. In
this moment I’m thoroughly exhausted and confused at how she views the world,
or more specifically human interaction. I guess I shouldn’t expect a uniform
set of communication amongst everyone. I do know most people often see things
irrationally when under the influence of stress. And I’ve had completely
levelheaded dialogue with Kristin before. But under these conditions it’s
proving futile. She’s still out with friends so she hangs up and there is no
resolve. All I want is to understand and to be understood. My intentions
recently with her have been nothing but innocent, simple, and without ulterior
motives. And maybe that’s what is bothering her. She’s explained before that
rarely can she be just friends with males. It’s an odd inability but this is
where the problem lies.
...
Home. I acquaint Amby with my bedroom. He’s been here once
before, and not to mention lived with me for over a year at 1623. It’s nice to
have him roaming around and tickling my legs as he brushes by constantly.
I drive to Elliott’s place to help him unload an amp. Josiah
makes an appearance. We pull out the bodgiboard that Elliott created – he’s
updated it since giving the legs more room to stretch out. We take it for a
spin along 16th street.
...
Afterwards, I drop off my car at the shop overnight and pull
out my bike. Riding down Baltic. I stop by Aysena’s house and visit with her
for a bit. She’s heading out to Chicago tomorrow to attend Lollapalooza. She
seems tired and a little drunk, apparently from hanging out with her friends.
We walk up and down the street then sit down on the steps of the foreign
exchange student boarding house. The sound of various languages spoken in the
background. I’m gentle. We kiss. I’ve tapped into a sweet romantic dream. It’s
most likely temporary but who cares.
...
Riding my bike back down Laskin from Baltic. The hot salty
smell of the marshes to my left. The clear levitating sounds of the new Snowden
track, “The Beat Comes”, blaring through my ears. I feel empowered and
independent. I’m single and drifting through a phase of unbridled
sensationalism. I like it here. And I’m legitimately trying to elevate myself
above all of this psychological trauma and negative energy. There’s a blunt
contrast between stale relationships and this lingering taste of fresh
canvas.
...
Calum texts me out of the blue, “man. i recognize the wisdom
of what yu were saying about girls, now. i think i forgot how dangerous it can
be to fancy someone.. so vulnerable! my soft pale underbelly.. o dear.”
I respond, “you need some hot soup for that poor underbelly.
female toxin is damaging and we can’t escape the pangs of its grip entirely. we
can only build armor to defend ourselves. young squire, you will learn one
day.”
A bowl of Frosted Toast Crunch.
Sleep shortly after 4 a.m.
[i] All images
by me.
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