[i]
☼ ○ ▬
A vision of an assortment of installations in nature. A
camera pans from right to left hovering over the scene. A tall monstrous tree
wrapped in blue string lighting. A symmetrical display of LED fountain lights
set up on the shore of a lake.
▬ ○ ☼
It’s a little before 12:30 p.m. and I wake up next to her
with sticky skin. I look over and ask, “You doing okay?”
Her: “Yeah.”
I give her some casual affection – caress on the arm –
rubbing her neck.
She asks, “Why are you being so nice to me?”
I reply, “Cause you asked me to. And you need it.”
...
Me: “I should go soon.”
Her: “Okay.”
Me: “If you ever get lonely you know where I’ll be.”
...
Biking back home in the hot afternoon sun.
In retrospect looking at Margot’s little boy dilemma makes
me realize how great of a decision I made in separating. Despite the longing
and the slight feelings of missing her I’m grateful to be where I am right
now...distant from her.
Plums. Orange Juice.
Organizing.
Grilled Cheese with Tomato on a Bagel. Potato Chip Trio.
Honey Green Tea.
Watching Stander (2003).
Errands.
Learning Russian on Rosetta Stone.
On the phone with Kristin. Earlier she texted me to see how
I was holding up and at first it seemed casual but I soon realized it was only
a platform for her to passive aggressively bash me. But within the conversation
we’re able to be the intelligent and rational human beings that we can only be
when we’re not hiding behind a charade of misunderstood emotions. She had made
a decision to not contact me at all and I agreed to it. But here we are once
again settling up some scores. We dig deep into identifying our individual
behavior.
Garlic Roasted Pepper Salmon with Broccoli, Mushrooms,
Carrots, Onions, and Rice.
Whiskey Rob calls me. He needs a pack of cigarettes and help
moving his trashcans to the curb. I head over there. Instead of just doing my
duties and dipping out I decide to sit down on the couch and listen to his
story for a change. I’m not in a rush. He’s a lonely depressed man but with
good reason. I find out his wife died three years ago. He describes in grave
detail the event. He feels overwhelmed with grief. He’s let himself go
physically. He drinks. He smokes. His only friends are the various people that
deliver his food and the cockroach critters that have invaded his house. In
between his sentences he’ll spot one on the wall and spray repellant in it’s
direction. He’s not dumb. He’s aware of the terrible state of his condition. I
give some helpful input on taking each issue one step at a time.
Me: “You can’t live like this forever. You should write out
a list of specific things you want to change. I believe you can turn it
around.”
I spend a good 20 minutes or so lending him my ears.
When I leave he adds, “I really appreciate you. You’ve
turned out to be more than just an acquaintance and a good friend.”
Me: “Yeah, well that’s what being human is all about. We’ve
gotta support each other.”
Before hitting home I stop at a basketball court by Mill Dam
and First Colonial to shoot some hoops for a while.
Back at the house.
Apple Fritter Bread. Coconut Water.
Sleep at 3:30 a.m.
[i] Cocoons of
Blue Light. Sophie Guyot.
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