Thursday July 5 2012


Waking up at 1:20 p.m. with a heaviness permeating through my head.

Peanut Butter Toast. Orange Juice.

Kristin reaches out to me in a casual way. She just moved into her new apartment and needs company. We both sort of have errands to run so she insists on joining.

Me: “I’m kind of confused considering all the talks we’ve had this past week.”

Her: “I don’t care about all that. I’m not trying to be your girlfriend. I don’t see why we can’t just hang out.”

Me: “Yeah I feel you. I don’t see why we just can’t hang out either.”

Kristin arrives and runs errands with me. We have a good time in our interaction as usual...when it’s casual and not so serious. She’s such a firecracker – whining about the heat and lack of AC in my car – using napkins to dab the sweat accumulating onto her pale skin – that big smile on her face. She’s wearing aviators and asks, “You think I can wear these in Trader Joe’s?”

Me: “I think you shouldn’t. There’s yuppies in there and they want you to look humble.”


Back at the house. Sitting down at the card table sharing Figs, Chips and Fresh Guacamole, and Honey Green Tea. I eat a Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Earlier she confessed to destroying the mix CD I gave her, inspired by an impulsive anger. I didn’t know how to respond. I felt offended. She apologized but explained she felt it represented a new start of no expectations.

Me: “I thought you didn’t ever want to see me or hang out with me again.”

She explains that being friends with me is in the cards.

Her: “Even though I still want to be friends I want you to know there’s still a glimmer of affection.”

Me: “Yeah I think so for me too.”


We move on in the conversation.

Me: “If I was a girl we could totally be like Ghost World. I really think we get along that well. I want to film our interaction. Like on a sitcom or a movie. It’s very entertaining.”


Calum arrives. Kristin leaves. And today’s saga continues. We drive to the storage unit and jam. Switching instruments. He strums a beautiful chord progression from a song he wrote about a girl he only knew for one week. It’s a Grizzly Bear-Weezer-like style of song – an emotional depth that does nothing but hypnotize.


Riding in the car in route to home. Venting to Calum a little bit on the progress I’ve been making on eliminating the female toxin out of my life.

Me: “I’m just not a lonely person. I don’t feel lonely right now.”

Calum: “There’s a lot of lonely people out there.”

Back home. Darren and Devon are here. Tara arrives.

Eating dinner: Barbecue Garlic Salmon with Broccoli, Mushrooms, Onions, and Rice. Foster’s.

Darren: “Fosters. Australian for piss.”

Me: “Shut up. I like Foster’s.”

The four of us go out to Baja’s for drinks. Sipping on a Jack and Coke. Then, a SoCo and Coke. Darren downloads Kings on his smart phone and we play a round. I’m feeling dizzy and drunk. An intense debate sparks on the new healthcare reform (ObamaCare) and leads into the government’s responsibilities; how they should provide food and shelter no matter what social class you are in. Fortunately, nobody gets offended and no personal wrenches are thrown into the machine – just a pure intelligent conversation.


As we’re driving back home – next to Tara in the backseat of Darren’s car – I nuzzle innocently against her shoulder. A mutual affection last time. We arrive home. Tara in my bedroom. She perches on my bed while I sit in the computer chair. Discussing our dating life and asking pretty blunt questions, but none of it feels uncomfortable, as she mentions.

Me: “Tara, are you sexually attracted to me?”     

Her: “Yeah. I am. How bout you?”

I smile shyly, “Yes.”

We continue talking about our recent interactions with the opposite sex.


I move my face closer to her neck...just a gradual brush of affection...offering my lips on her neck then on the side of her stomach. This could be it. I think we both want the same thing. Finally, I allow my lips to passionately connect to hers. This leads to a condom. And leads to a lengthy sex scene. At first I feared the condom might inhibit my stamina like it usually does. But I press forward and stay strong. It turns out to be a pleasurable experience...for the both of us.


I clean myself up and lie down next to her.

Me: “That was fun. You’re really good.”

Her: “So are you.”

It’s hot in this room. I’ve got two different fans running. She has to get up super early at seven in the morning so we drift off to sleep around 3 a.m.

[i] Mel Ramos Print.

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