[i]
Waking up just before 1 p.m.
White Apricots. Orange Juice.
In the middle of a text conversation with Kristin. She wants
to hang out this evening but I’m booked.
Me: “Well you’re going dancing aren’t you?”
Her: “I don’t want to, I want to do something meaningful.”
Me: “I like that drive.”
Her: “I’m just over empty nights of dancing. The same faces
no stimulating conversations.”
Me: “That sounds like the start to a great song.”
Her: “I’m just over this scene I’m better than what these
nights have to offer. I’m bored.”
Me: “you need an adventure.”
Her: “That and I need to get out of doing the same thing.
I’m wasting away. I feel like I’m in a rut. But I have fun when we hang out. I
feel alive.”
Me: “I know. we cling together well. its fun.”
...
Her: “You’re there for lots of people they all need your
attention I can’t compete.”
Me: “I knowwwww. its exhausting. but I chose this life I
suppose.”
Her: “Am I just one other person that you are taking care
of?”
...
Her: “I don’t want to know that answer.”
Scrambled Eggs. Tortilla Chips with Fresh Guacamole. Honey
Green Tea.
Watching The Punisher (2004).
At the storage unit brushing up on Vaginasaurs songs with
Stephanie.
I get called into work for a few hours at China Wok.
Strawberries and Chocolate.
Back home. I bike over to Rick’s Café to eat dinner with
Emily Hill. She vents more to me about her situation with Wesley and getting
acclimated to the non-dating aspect of it. She’s not understanding well the
identity of their relationship. Sometimes we reminisce on the olden times at
1623 and times when I visited Maryland.
Fried Catfish Strips with Fried Okra, Sweet Potato Fries,
and Texas Toast. I believe the word fry was used too many times in that dinner
selection.
It’s been about an hour. We conclude everything and pay for
our food at the register.
...
I bike back home.
I receive a call from Margot.
Her: “Come hang out with me!”
Me: “No. I want to be alone tonight.”
Her: “No you don’t. Come over.”
Me: “You’re such a baby.”
Her: “No. I’m a princess.”
...
Her: “Why don’t you wanna hang out with me anymore?”
Me: “I already told you. I don’t want to get attached. I see
what’s happening. You’re trying to integrate yourself into my life.”
Her: “Well what’s wrong with that?”
Me: “Because we’re supposed to be separated.”
She replies with the same statement she started out with,
“Come hang out with me.”
Me: “You’re ridiculous. No. I’m staying here.”
Her: “You’re nothing but a big ole fat disappointment.”
This whole day has been looted with reach-outs from other people.
Between Kristin, other friends, miscellaneous calls that aren’t worth
mentioning, and Margot, I feel like my job is to be everyone’s
companion/friend. I’m not up for it. I appreciate the need but I can’t fulfill
the job description. I need a demotion.
Feeling an insatiable thirst that I can’t seem to quench.
Chugging Orange Juice.
Relaxation.
Sleep 4 a.m.
[i] Hanna Liden.
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