Saturday July 28 2012


☼ ○ ▬

Engaged in a multi-player game set in a colossal arena surrounded by buildings twenty or so stories high, connected to big empty lobby rooms. I’m considered a top player. The other players running and jumping all over the place shooting rounds like mad men. I know the shortcuts and the hidden paths. I cut corners – swoop up staircases – dive down into deep shafts. I have the ability to fly and maneuver in midair. I turn on the no clipping mode where I can move through the walls and ceiling unnoticed. It’s quite a thrill. My adrenaline is pumping. Eventually I’m forced into a standoff with the sinister leader with whom I, even with my expert skills, can’t compete. I even mention this fact out loud. He tickles my scrotum and testicles as if this will weaken and make me feel less than. It’s very uncomfortable.

▬ ○ ☼

Waking up at 11:12 a.m.


All day shift at China Wok.

Peanut Butter Bagel. Chips. Pomegranate Ade.

Kristin’s roaming around Virginia Beach on a thrift store mission. She picks up an awesome holographic wolf picture and drops it off.

Me: “Thanks for the wolves! Hoooooowl!”

The hottest day.

Coconut Water.

Afternoon deliveries turn into night deliveries.

At the restaurant. While organizing the tickets for some orders that just came through I walk up to the counter and a customer is waiting to place an order. I’m kind of startled because of the customer’s beautiful appearance. But I remember her...

Me: “Hey!”

Her: “Hi!”

Me: “I remember you. Crab rangoon right?”

She smiles so brightly. I find myself losing focus on what I’m doing. As long as she’s present I don’t think I can regain it. I run across a fair amount of attractive females on the job, but not all of them make me so nervous, just a rare few. There’s time to sit. She waits for her crab rangoon to fry. I start up small talk. Her name is Mariah – she works at Uncle Al’s in Kempsville – she goes to school in San Diego – she’s aware of the serene cliffs on the west coast. My boss hands her the brown bag and she’s off. Well at least I know her name now.

More night deliveries.

Finally off work.

Vegetable Lo Mein.

Finishing The Experiment (2010).

A bowl of Frosted Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

It’s 3:34 a.m. While attempting to release some sexual steam alone, like I usually do before I go to sleep, I get a few texts and calls from Margot. I don’t answer but it startles me enough that I lose my boner and all desire to masturbate.

Her: “HANG OUT WIF ME. Forrealz dough.”

Me: “what do you want? I’m asleep.”

Her: “I want to hang out.”

Me: “uhh..I want to sleep.”

Her: “No no no. Let’s play.”

I think about this for a minute. Even though I consider it I know it’s not code for sex. We haven’t had sex in a long time. She must be just getting off work and maybe had a few drinks with friends. And now vying for my company is in her itinerary. She arrives shortly after 4 a.m. with a burst of energy that is such a contrast to my mood. Lying in bed together. The polarity of her attitude shifts back and forth from north to south.

Her: “Do you still think I’m cute? I’m not talking about being pretty. I know I got that. But am I still cute?”

Of course she’s talking about her child-like antics and behavior.

Me: “Yeah of course.”


After some bickering and chitchatting I’m able to fall asleep. But why did you come over here? Her previous little boy experiment failed so I know part of it is she’s just drawing back to who she feels comfortable with: me. But you didn’t even want to bang? You come over here, halt my chance at sexual pleasure, bicker at me for irrelevant reasons, steal my sleep hours, and you don’t even want to fuck? Yeah, I’m annoyed. But at the same time relieved. It’s probably for the best. However, I’m single and not seeing anyone so I don’t see the point of restraint. Oh man, I fantasize about how amazing it would feel to open up the gates of our inner passion prison and let loose everything. God, how I want to smother myself in her bosom and, to put bluntly, fuck her brains out. But discipline is good. And assuredly there will be another opportunity to indulge my imagination tomorrow night...alone.   

[i] Wolves. Image by me.

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