Wednesday March 14 2012


She wakes up just before 7 a.m. She seems restless and starts putting on her clothes to leave...

Me: “What are you doing?”

Her: “I’m going home.”

Me: “Why?”

Her: “My ear hurts.”

At first I thought she was just being ridiculous and delirious but apparently it was pretty bad. I find out later her doctor said she developed an ear infection.

I wake up around 1 p.m.

Hot Cinnamon Oat Bran with Brown Sugar, Flax Seed, Blueberries, and Coconut Milk. Orange Juice.

I ride my bike over to Margot’s. She’s feeling sick from her ear and needs company. We watch a little TV. I was right. She doesn’t remember much of last night except a brief moment with the kitty and leaving.

Me: “I don’t like it when you get like that.”

Back home.

Grilled Cheese with Tomato and Hummus. Blue Tortilla Chips with Salsa and Hummus. Honey Green Tea.

Practicing some songs in the kitchen.

Salmon with Rice, Mushrooms, Onions, and Multi-Colored Peppers.

Becca stops by with plans to cut my hair. I feed her my leftovers as payment and just because she was starving.

Poker night with Art, James Graves, Becca, Darren, and Tim.

Sharing Chocolate Chip Cookies. Continuing to perfect the recipe.

Darren puts some groovy 70’s band called Symande on the stereo—a perfect soundtrack to the movement and attitude of the game.

In response to the music Darren says, “I just wanna get my tribal gear on...and start a fire!”


Art makes up a phrase about “The Determined Hand”.

Art: “Determine your hand in the bathroom.”



As usual during the game conversation sidetracks our focus. Art and Darren argue about investment theories...

Darren: “Have you ever heard of Goldman Sachs. We invented trading!”


The game gets down to Darren and James, and Darren wins. Becca cuts my hair mad scientist style...the usual.


Listening to Becca and Darren argue about religion and it’s legitimacy. I join in later after eavesdropping for a little bit. Darren calls faith willful ignorance and claims religion is the cause for all ignorance. More importantly though we come to an understanding that it’s circumstance that creates ignorance.

Darren: “We refuse to embrace the future. We’re scared to embrace the unknown.”


Me: “What makes you think you can even understand God? Or understand him enough to make all these accusations that God isn’t real?”

I was supposed to bike over to Margot’s place but I got caught up in these debates and it’s real late. She calls pissed because she waited up for me. We had already spent the night at least four days in a row anyway. I didn’t see the importance or big deal of me having to come over tonight. But she’s super mad about me changing my mind. Her anger just pushes me away. It’s that unbecoming I don’t even want to come over. It’s about what she wants all of the time, not what I want.

At any rate she drives over here and confronts me in the Chanticleer parking lot. I’m smoking a clove. Her attitude just gets worse.

At one point I can’t help but comment on it, “You have a bad attitude...You have anger issues.”

I’m tired of being so sentimental and not being brute enough. She can feel justified in her abrasiveness but tonight I’m going to act unaffected. I tried to be sweet at first by hugging her but she told me to back off. So here’s me standing my ground. She storms off out of the parking lot.


[Text message]

Margot: “I’m fucking done and I mean it. I love you BUT we aren’t ever going to be back together officially and I’m tired of waiting around. Have a good one. I hope you find someone that is everything you want which is obviously not me.”

Me: “I love you very much.”

Margot: “That’s great and all. But we won’t work. I don’t make you happy. I fail at everything with you.”

Me: “not everything.”

Margot: “Ok. Sex I pass but everything else I fail at or else I’d be your gf by now. Find someone better. Goodbye.”

Me: “not just sex. there’s a sweet beautiful lover inside of you that I see on a daily basis.”

[Text message]

Becca: “I like how sentimental you are Robert.”

Me: “I am pretty sentimental sometimes.”

Becca: “All the time. I like that about you, you know how to fully appreciate the moment, and in turn, each person. I believe you enjoy everyone.”

Me: “I try to be socially hospitable with everyone. Its tough sometimes being that open to what everyone has to say.”

Becca: “You’re a patient man, but you reap your harvest.”

Me: “Very true.”


Getting to sleep pretty late somewhere between 4 and 5 a.m.

[i] Becca at Poker Night. Image by me.

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