Sunday March 25 2012


DREAM: Traveling. Arriving in a small unfamiliar town in the Midwest. Stopping at a famous shopping plaza and restaurant called Emerie. There are carnival games all along a narrow outside corridor. Upon entering the diner I see a few people I know seated at the tables.

Getting out of bed around 11:20 a.m.

Supersonic Breakfast Burrito (Egg, Cheese, Tomatoes, Jalapenos, and Tater Tots). Orange Juice.

All day shift at China Wok.

The sky is grey and overcast. A pleasant and refreshing mist sprays on my face as I walk to and from the car. Most people would wish for bright and sunny rays heating up their arms and faces. But I live for these days when the sun is not a bother.

I spot a bird’s nest on the sidewalk and a black bird pecking at a yellow substance inside it. The nest must’ve fallen from the canopy. I notice cigarette filters purposefully stuck in between the twigs. I guess the mother bird figured these things to be suitable material for the nest. She even pecked it out enough to serve as cushioning. How clever.

Kevin’s meme finally gets around to Margot’s viewing and she’s not too thrilled. I thought the image was pro-dating, which is what she pushes on us to be doing. I didn’t think it was anti-her but she seems to be under the impression that none of my friends like her. This whole thing leads us into an intense text conversation...

Her: “...Maybe you should think about our relationship and if it’s worth being together since your friends and the girl you love don’t mesh.”

Me: “I think you should read Romeo & Juliet. or maybe watch West Side Story.”

Her: “Well Romeo and Juliet both end up dead so are you saying we should kill ourselves to be together? Cause that’s a lil drastic. Also not applicable in this situation.”

Me: “our story doesn’t have to be that dramatic. but their story is worth looking at. they come from two different worlds yet are in love. how do we make that work? what can we do differently that won’t end in death?”

Her: “We didn’t always ‘come from different worlds’. We’ve changed. Things have changed. Maybe we don’t fit in each other’s life anymore.”

Me: “you fitting into my life has never been easy.

Peanut Butter Sandwich. Honey Green Tea.

The night deliveries are steady. $2.00 seems to be the standard for tips tonight. I’m irritated at people’s mediocre tip etiquette.

Five Guys French Fries with Ketchup.

Something rubs me the wrong way while I’m driving from point A to point B to point C and then back to point B. I punch my passenger seat repeatedly and scream profanities. The combination of inconsiderate road maneuvers by other drivers and the shitty tips just strikes a tense chord of rage. I lose it inside my car. Even though I know at the end of the day it will be over with and I’ll have made a decent living I still need to release this built up aggression. There’s nothing wrong with yelling in the driver’s seat when no one’s listening. I could portray more patience than this though.

Finally off work and at home decompressing.

Hot and Sour Soup with Broccoli, Onions, and Rice.

Watching Red State (2011).

Fortune cookie: “No problem leaves you where you found it.”

English Muffin with Fig Spread. Coconut Milk.

If sex is not had within a day I usually revert to masturbation. In fact it’s always a part of the routine before going to sleep. In these moments of self-expressive ecstasy I often think about the essence of orgasm or the origin of sex and what it means. There’s something powerful that takes place after that crack of release. Of course it’s much more fully felt when there is another person to experience it with. But I find myself with the ability to take a step back from its heavenly feeling and see the significance. A drive to birth manifest a symbolic explosion of existence. It’s a beginning and an end. It’s pure beauty.

[i] Fallen bird’s nest with cigarette filters. Image by me.

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