Tuesday March 20 2012


DREAM: A giant drilling robot is nearby with hostile intentions. His arms are digging machines, like the kind in science fiction films. I’m with two girls. They might be young enough to need looking after, which I am doing. I take us upstairs and into a storefront. I somehow have the ability to shoot a laser into glass, metal, stone, pretty much anything, and cut right through it, like a laser welding device. I get us through a glass window and safely into a room. The drilling robot can’t penetrate to where we are but he grows out a drilling arm in search for us. I can see it just outside slowly slithering around. In haste I weld through a brick wall two or three times and it reveals a TV screen showing a cartoon show. It’s understood we will be safe if we jump into the screen and reside in cartoon land where we are supposedly originally from.

“C’mon! Let’s go. We’ve lost all time.”

We jump in one at a time and by the skin of our teeth, because the drilling arm barges into the room in a rage because he can’t get to us.


Caravanning on an interstate with an important government agency. Up ahead are colossal pickup trucks with trailer homes attached. Bombs go off underneath two of them and cause a panic. All vehicles stop. We get out to assess what’s happening. It’s understood a Muslim man is holed up in a stone-built church miles away. All of a sudden we observe baseballs shoot at incredible speed from far away. They decapitate people’s heads and kill them. One officer happens to have a baseball bat and cleverly swings one of the balls back in the church’s direction causing an explosion. Hopefully it killed the Muslim man or at least destroyed his catapult machines.

Waking up at 12:30 p.m.

[Text message]

Margot: “Hey if you’re not doing anything around 2 today. You should come over.”


Margot: “I wanna talk about some things.”

Me: “that’s fine.”

Hot Cinnamon Oat Bran with Brown Sugar, Flax Seed, Blueberries, and Coconut Milk.

I drive over to Margot’s to “talk about some things”...

I grab some juice from the fridge and begin the discussion. Mentioning how opposites attract sometimes becomes opposites attack. We’re like puzzle pieces with our own agendas and feelings trying to connect...hoping to connect the way we see it in our heads. The main topic though deals with us in social situations with my friends. She thinks my friends don’t like her but all they ever see of her is the temper tantrums and the embarrassing freak-outs. It’s not a question of if they like her. Their opinion of her is tainted by these fiascos. I try to explain that it’s a personal wall she builds when around my friends and really it’s just an attention battle.


Her: “Sometimes love isn’t enough...to make it work.”

We transition to sweeter and playful moments before I take off.

Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Potato Chip Trio. Honey Green Tea.

Watching The Bang Bang Club (2010).

Groceries and errands.

Riding my bike to the clubhouse for a good workout. Some cardio. Some weight lifting.

The guy checking people’s member cards has his little brother here. He’s showing him the ropes. The little guy is talkative. There’s a bible group meeting in the den. In reference to it he says to his big brother, “So if you’re a Christian and you kiss your neighbor, are you a sinner?”

Big brother: “No. I don’t think so.”

Little brother: “Oh, then I’m good.”

Back home.

Strawberries and Vanilla Yogurt.

Margot and I go to Beach Movie Bistro to see 21 Jump Street (2012).

Eating Tuna Tacos with a side of Mushrooms and Broccoli. She gets the onion rings.

Some guy in the back is snoring obnoxiously. I notice it during the quiet moments and it doesn’t sit very well with the other members of the audience. After giving fair warning one of the dudes actually gets up and approaches the drunken snorer. He throws something on him and yells, “Wake up or get the hell out of here! I didn’t pay eight bucks to listen to you snore!”

Back home.

She’s adamant about having sex so we quickly lock ourselves in my bedroom. She’s half naked lying on her stomach and I’m on top but before anything even happens she starts up a giggle fit. For some reason the way I’m touching her tickles. Because the laughing continues my erection loses its confidence and slowly shrinks. She apologizes and approaches the chair I retreated to and tries her best but...

Me: “I can’t do this. Once he’s been denied it’s really hard to get it up again.”


I walk her out to the car. She doesn’t seem to be as disappointed as I am.

Her: “Tell me how you feel.”

Me: “I feel odd.”

Her: “No. Tell me how you feel...about me!”

Me: “I like you.”

Her: “Tell me you love me.”

Me: “I love you.”

She leaves and I text her...

Me: “that was really disappointing”

Her: “I’m sorry.”

Me: “I want a redo asap.”

Her: “Ok. That’s fine. Lemme know when.”

I get caught up in music browsing—watching Youtube videos of this psychedelic synth project, TOBACCO.

Biscoff and Hazelnut Spread Toast.

Sleep 4:30 a.m.

[i] Still from TOBACCO’s video, Constellation Dirtbike Head.

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