Sunday October 9 2011

Waking up just before noon.

All day shift at China Wok.

Strawberry Yogurt. Orange Juice.

Her: “Robert. I’m sorry for upsetting you if I did. You’re the most important person to me. Last night someone asked if you were the love of my life and I said yes without hesitation. You are. I love you!”

Snapping the peas.

Italian Plums.

Lunch: Peanut Butter Bagel. Blue and Yukon Gold Potato Chips. Pomegranate Cherry Ade.

Finding out more information on what happened with Margot’s drunken escapade. According to all parties involved there was no sex. Her story is this: a guy was going down on her. She realized what was happening, then after a while got weirded out and left, leaving her leggings behind. She was wasted and not thinking, but through it all she was texting and calling me. Of course, I was asleep at this time around 6 in the morning on Saturday.

The general vibe I’m receiving from her is apologetic and regretful. I’m not too focused on the personal offense I might feel considering we’ve still been engaging in sex at least once a week and considering the night before this happened we had sex. Granted, this isn’t part of the deal and I don’t think it’s a good idea to be having sex with your ex-girlfriend. But what really disturbs me is the lack of control. How could someone allow themselves to get into such a blacked out state of mind like that and then do something out of their character, or rather off beat to their personal standards? It’s like entering a fantasyland—a dreamland—with no rules, no boundaries. It’s just not possible to participate in such a thing in waking life without facing consequences.

Jump into the snake pit. Dance around in it even. But don’t expect to come out of it unbitten and without conflict.

Delivering an order on Eden Roc Circle. I find a single black rose petal, fake, on the ground. I place it respectively on the dashboard.

Darren shows up for the dinner rush…

Darren: “Is knowing too much bad?”

Me: “I think knowing might be detrimental to your happiness.”

Darren: “Do you think knowing a lot has to be detrimental to your happiness? Does suspension of disbelief hold up in real life situations?”

Darren: “The prettier the girl the more vain they are.”

Me: “I definitely think physical appearance affects your outlook on life.”

Iced Coffee and Banana Bread (via Becca).

Another uninnocent elegant fall into the unmagnificent lives of adults

Finally off work.

Dinner: Lemon Chicken with Szechuan Style Rice and Mixed Vegetables. Mickey’s.

Sitting down at the card table with Darren and Anthony.

Darren announces his usual sarcastic fed-up-with-life suicide statements, mostly provoked by Kevin…

Anthony talks of desiring a Dixieland funeral when he dies…

Josiah makes an appearance…

Amanda’s at Nicole’s place. Her and I were supposed to have some one-on-one talks. So I head over there. But the engagement picks up here exclusively with us three…

Amanda spits along to rap videos—Nelly—Tupac.

Dispensing more information—relating to one another…

“I feel like in everybody’s relationship its like the same words are spoken…”

“I think that happens with a lot of people. You connect more on a sexual level than you do anywhere else. But even if you connect all around doesn’t mean that you’re meant to be…”

“To me it seems like you’re just not following through with how you feel.”

Do I have too much empathy for my own good?

Prolonging the inevitable?

The yanking effect, back and forth, between the two, is exhausting.

“As much empathy and love as I have for another person I can’t sacrifice myself for it.”

“I just would much rather prefer probably in any relationship to live through it and just experience all those things and just squeeze as much life out of it as I could’ve because I would’ve felt like I was missing something if I had’ve just cut it off when I knew there was nothing left.”

“Before you give it up make sure you’ve tried everything possible to make it work.”

“I think the biggest conflict in any relationship is just honesty…just tough brute honesty.”

“I’m the director of a soap opera!”

After a while Amanda gets frustrated with this “boring and redundant” topic. She kind of lost interest earlier and distracted herself with Front Bottoms songs blaring on the computer. Being a garbage disposal for everyone’s relationship issues is overbearing. And it’s getting to her. If I were her I would feel the same…

“Everyone’s relationship is the same! So just cut me some fucking slack!”

Back home…

Eating a bowl of Cheerios with Brown Sugar.

Sleep shortly after 4:30 a.m.

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