Sunday October 23 2011 (The Impermanence)

DREAM: At some kind of youth camp or gathering. Everyone’s sitting down at tables—getting up and socializing. Raven’s here...and some other friends. It’s awkward for me as it is for her I’m sure. We haven’t spoken in months via her choice. And here we are amongst friends. She keeps appearing in different settings, making snide remarks, but we don’t speak to each other directly.

At one point she just blurts out, “You’d probably grow to hate this thick stick anyway!” A strange thing to say—something cryptic I presume—insinuating that I would get sick of her down the road even if we did continue being friends and something about being skinny?

I attempt at explaining myself, prying into what caused her to make the decision of extermination, “But why? Just tell me! What did I do? I was honest with you about everything! Where did it go wrong?”

She replies with ambiguous words and things that don’t make sense—something about how I think I know everything about everything. I saunter off as Raven continues ranting. She’s speaking with Kelley Hoyer now.

Later Kelley talks to me, “Yeah she wouldn’t stop bitching about it. I was just like, ‘Look, you’re being ridiculous...’”

The church service is about to start. I make my way downstairs. Noticing a group of light switches—someone engraved in black marker the number 1 on each of the top three and the number 6 on each of the bottom three...creating a contrast of 111 and 666. It’s packed in the sanctuary. I catch Pastor Rick, Diana, and Rhonda Tatum making jokes on the stairwell before we enter. I walk inside and join the 20-somethings all corralled to the side.

Josiah gives me a hug, “Hey brotha!”


Driving in my car late at night. I’ve stopped in the middle of the two-lane road in front of a house. Maybe I’m making a delivery or picking someone up. I put my hazards on. A Hummer is approaching and slows down cautiously going around me. I decide it would be safer to park off the road. As I’m maneuvering I accidently dip over the ditch and into a river. The water is shallow enough for me to still drive but deep enough to float like a boat. My car is an old white Mercedes now. And it’s daytime all of a sudden. I flow downstream...further and further...passing people’s backyards. Everything is so vivid and I know I’m lucid dreaming but it’s not such a shocking realization. Spotting a flower (white). Let me touch the grass! I reach out and snap a piece of grass off—rubbing my fingers over it. Everything feels so real. How is this possible? Amazed at how powerful the mind is at creating the realness of touch and sight and sound. I come to what looks like the edge of a waterfall but it’s just a dip into a manmade ravine. I step off the Mercedes boat and into the water—it’s not more than 2 feet deep. I approach the ravine. On either side of the entrance are two white angelic owls, ominous in their presence. They’re happy I finally made it. Straight ahead coming from the center of the wall just past the water I hear a voice instructing me to find a list of things in the ravine.
I understood something about thumblelinas or fairies but nothing else, “Wait! Can you repeat that please?”
The owl to the right is sympathetic but regretfully says it cannot be repeated. A kids poker game is being set up to my right—cards being dealt—table being set up. Other friends are here. Jonathon dangles his feet over the edge of the ravine. The right owl spots one of those fairies. I jump in with urgency. Splash. The water is up to my chest. I follow the blurry image of the fairy and try to barricade her. It fumbles to the left side of the ravine. I reach down and carefully pull her up cupping the squirmy thing in my hand. Getting a close look. It’s not really a fairy but resembles a figurine, alive...and it’s two people stuck together having sex. They look like characters in a fantasy comic. The fairy woman is bent over and the man is giving it to her from behind. Half shocked at what I’m holding in my hand, I realize this quest is far from over...

Waking up naturally before my alarm goes off...

Banana. Applesauce. Orange Juice.

All day shift at China Wok.

From a friend, in regards to relationships in one’s life::::“life being like a long distance race...and running next to another racer for a while, until you move ahead or they move ahead, or you guys take different routes....possibly even reuniting again along the race at different times...often...for long times or short times....others pass you pass them by.....people pop up for a short take a scenic route with some for a long while..... i feel like this analogy makes things feel a lot more calm than they may seem................

Delivering to Maxey Drive. Right by the door, protruding over the walkway is a patch of flowers similar to the kind I saw in my dream.

Peanut Butter Bagel. Potato Trio. Honey Green Tea.

Delivering an order to Ocean Trace. The guy answers the door and lets his girlfriend sign the receipt, all the while on the TV there’s a steamy sex scene where a standing girl’s hands are tied and a dude is pumping her vigorously from behind.

The customer smiles and reassures me, “It’s not porn.”

I recognize the male character on screen as Jason Stackhouse from True Blood, “Oh I know. That’s True Blood.”

The sex-fiend figurines from the dream come to mind.

Snapping the peas.

A huge buff white dude with a long triangular beard steps into the restaurant. He recognizes me from when we were kids in church.

“Dude! Brandon. Man, it’s been a loooong time.”

Viking-style tattoos cover his arms. We get into the discussion of how much time has passed and so much has changed—the different paths he’s taken that were in contrast with our Christian upbringing. He gives me the run down of his life over the past few years. Doing 6 months of time for roughing up a guy that broke into his home and had him at gun point...“Yeah he broke in and pointed a gun at me. And I told him he didn’t have the guts to pull the trigger. I saw through him. Then I got red and lost it. He was in the ICU for a while.”—reacquainting with his Nordic roots...“It’s about being an honorable person...”—up and leaving a cozy lifestyle with a bi-polar heart surgeon in Jersey because she wouldn’t take her pills (she was apparently unbearable without them)...He didn’t work and she raked in all the dough...He moved back here without her and now he’s head of security for two different clubs in Virginia Beach including Mermaids.

“Man, you’ve got quite a story...Alright well, I’ll see you later. You know where I work so hit me up anytime.”

Amanda and JP show up for a visit with two guys, Alan and Dan. Sharing Green Tea Mochi Ice Cream. After telling them about Brandon who was in here earlier, turns out Alan actually knows him...

“Small world Virginia beach is.”

I’ve got deliveries to make. They all hop into the wagon (The China Wok Train).

At a house on King Fisher road—I leave the driver’s side door open—the customer’s dog runs out the door and into the driving seat. Laughter is shared...

“Oh I guess he’s gonna do my job for me!”

A slow night for Chinese food...

Vegetable Lo Mein. Apricot Ale.

Taken from Dream Moods: “To see an owl in your dream symbolizes wisdom, insight, magic, expanded awareness and virtue. You are highly connected to your intuitive senses and psychic power. The owl is also synonymous with death, darkness and the unconscious. The appearance of an owl may be telling you to let go of the past or certain negative behaviors.”

I’m in my room recollecting...

Josiah shows up with a 12 pack of Yuengling...him and Darren plop on my bed...

Darren: “Let’s talk at Robert...I try to take all my existences in the multi-verse to this verse.”

It’s Anthony’s birthday and I requested personal time with him.

He texts me a plan...“We shoot some nice, peaceful hoops and let the court be our sanctuary. Then we enjoy the moon and the stars and come home to watch Lost in Translation, one of my ten favorite movies.

I shower then suit up and grab the ball. I make my way through the misty night atmosphere. There he is on the courts waiting, stretching and hyping himself up amidst the glowing streetlight—a shadowy energy of life, a kind of life I respect and cherish. We throw the ball around making and missing shots—juggling question marks...

Talking about how I confront people in my dreams and attempt to resolve waking life issues there...

Me: “It’s like we’re solving something that can’t be solved in real life.”

Anthony: “Solving real life problems in the dreamscapes...that’s a great tool.”


Me: “Mermaids, man. That’s where it’s at.”

Anthony: “It’s a hang out. It’s like a youth center.”


In reference to nostalgia and being reminded of past love/loves/love remnants...

“There’s just such a weight there. Like, your heart drops when you read those can you not feel a tug on your heart.”


Me: “That’s what’s so powerful about it passes and then shit doesn’t even matter anymore! And that’s what I get so scared of. I know what’s gonna happen. You exterminate me now and Time is gonna pass and it’s going to be forgotten. Because the ball is in your court and its always going to be and that sucks because you’re not going to do anything with it.”

Anthony: “Distance...cut out...attachment to somebody and eventually it’s like looking at a doorknob and it’s not hard to ignore a doorknob. Eventually you just become an object to them and that object’s not hard to ignore. Look, I’m not looking at the other basketball hoop right now. It’s just an object to me. And if I do that to someone mentally it’s easy as fuckin’ piece of cake. You know what I’m sayin’?”


Anthony: “You see my new kicks?”

His parents got him new shoes for his birthday but they’re the same black Converse All-Stars as before.

Me: “Wait...those are the just took them to a converse cobbler!”

Anthony: “How do you support your eight kids? I’m the converse cobbler!


Darren and Josiah show up on the courts. Josiah is lost in a world where space doesn’t exist...he’s twirling and whirling and spinning himself in circles—flying like a plane...

Josiah: “Dude, I just feel like a moving stereo!”


Josiah (playfully questioning what he just said): “Who says that?”

Me: “Yeah who says that? Josiah says that.”


Anthony and I are left alone to a one-on-one match. We go to 6. He comes out victorious 6-5. Happy Birthday, Dean.

Back home. Lost in Translation [2003] on in the living room. Sharing bowls of cereal. Connecting with the goofiness and quirkiness of the movie.

Anthony: “Thanks for the bday time. mono no aware.”

Mono No Aware. The transience of life. An empathy toward things. The pathos of things.

Sleep 4 a.m.

No comments: