Sunday October 16 2011

Banana. Orange Juice.

All day shift at China Wok.

Apple Fritter.

It’s dreadfully slow at the restaurant...


the raven is ignorance

the light is all he has to look at so he strives to get to it

the rope will make it so he can never get what he wants

the objects represent the useless clutter that comes with wanting things

the owl represents knowledge knowing that just because somethings there it doesn't mean it's for the better

he sees through all the clutter where the raven just gets caught up in it all trying to reach something he never can

the owl can see without it

the raven is a slave to the light

Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Honey Green Tea.

The dinner rush begins and my efficiency meter turns up—I’m quick—I’m a China Wok Flash of Light…

Fascinated with a text I just got from Nicole: why is loneliness so harsh? i cant decide whether to embrace it or fix it.

..i have thoughts but they require in-person conversation...china wok train is picking you up in 20 min.

She sits in the passenger seat and we discuss the overwhelming conflicts of two people fitting together physically but not fitting together socially...

Me: “See with her, our bodies fit so well in a way we are perfect for each other like the sexual energy we have matches so well...but then socially it’s totally different.”

Nicole: “So do you think that with the way humans work we should have friends who we fit socially with and then we should have lovers who we fit sexually with?”


Nicole: “Should our standards for relationships, socially and sexually, should they change to where you just accept it for what it is instead of just...

Me: “...trying to work on it?”


In reaction to the behavior of my running to the customer’s door instead of walking...

Nicole: “I’ve never seen a Chinese food person ever run to a door. Ever.”

Me: “As soon as the dinner rush happens I run from the car to the door.”

Nicole: “China Wok’s lucky to have somebody so enthusiastic about it.”


Me: “You can be happy and be alone. But when you’re lonely...lonely is not a state of being. Alone is. Loneliness is the effects of it.”


Me: “A lot happens in a week. A lot happens in a month. And I tell you what, a lifetime goes by in a year.”


Me: “Reputations...they’re going to taint the way you see people before you get to know them.”


Nicole: “You are, to a fault, insanely...too understanding!”

Me: “Yes. I’m too understanding but I do know when the right time to stand my ground is.”


Delivering to a lady in a high-class trailer park next to the Boneshakers biker bar off General Booth. My bosses forgot to give me a 2-liter Pepsi with the order and the lady is not happy about it. She’s standing there with her door open. A cat runs out. Something doesn’t smell right. Pew. I already drove 5 miles out here. I apologize and reluctantly drive all the way back to the restaurant and back here with her precious Pepsi. I complain about it in the car to Nicole...

“Why don’t you just drink water? It’s healthier anyways. I want my pepsi! She had that look on her face...”


The conversation between Nicole and I turns into an intense argument about standards in a relationship, the purity, the trust, settling. Our voices actually rise more than a friendly notch. Wow, that was fun.


Me: “I need to calm down. I need to learn how to be calm, not physically, but in my mind.”

Nicole: “But some people are just built in a way where they’re never calm. Overall my mind is just going and it can be so exhausting and frustrating...”

Blueberry Yogurt.

Work shift is over. Back at Nicole’s place...enjoying our Chinese food and Wood Chuck Hard Ciders...

She mistakes my Garlic Tofu and Mixed Vegetables for her Gen Tso’s Tofu.

Me: “How in the world did you confuse the two?”

Her fortune: New people will bring you new realizations, especially big issues.

My fortune: No man ever yet became great by imitation.

Amanda steps out of her room, fresh out of the shower (her second one today), and so begins, or rather continues, the vigorous analyzation into our relationships and lives.


Amazed at the assumptions people make just based on activity/action/presence.

[[[[{(A Special Note From Robert: And I feel the need to interject here and break the fourth wall for just a moment so there’s no confusion because unfortunately this blog involuntarily has become somewhat of a tabloid or gossip zine. Nicole and I do NOT have a ::thing::. As much as the simple presence of a new person in one’s life can communicate a sense of desirability and just because one enjoys another’s company does not mean you can safely conclude two people have started, let’s say, courting or that any romance has sprouted. So let the fiery tongues sizzle out and allow the story to unfold naturally and without interruption. Thank you.)}]]]]


Darren calls me and at a different time Anthony texts me, Are you safe?

My reply, Save me from inconsistency!

Ok. I’m on the way, he says.

Me: “Everyone at the house is worried cause I didn’t come directly home after work. They’re like my mother.”

Nicole: “People are just possessive of you.”


Feeling a little attacked by Amanda and Nicole as I dispense information and portray a character of myself that, to them, seems inconsistent. I recognize that everybody is inconsistent. But I do try my best to be the opposite...saying what I mean...doing what I say. In the end though we’re all friends. I encourage a group-hug between the three of us to settle the debris. It’s Amanda’s first time ever being a part of a group-hug. I rub her fuzzy head for good luck.

Me: “Man! My head really hurts. I think I just need to get some ice cream and watch a movie.”

Out on the porch...I look up at the night sky at that shiny moon piercing my eyes, “I really want to be up there right now.”

Back home.

Eating a bowl of Cherrios with Brown Sugar.

Watching Peaceful Warrior [2006].

“Death isn’t sad. The sad thing is most people don’t live at all.”

Sleep just before 5 a.m.

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