Monday December 12 2011


DREAM: Camera pans from left to right and follows an aerial view of a metropolitan European city. There’s a ferocious grizzly bear on the loose—something’s wrong with the bear—he’s been pumped up with adrenaline and is ten times stronger than a normal bear. Fear spreads across the city. Camera zooms down into a mall square. I’m cooped up in a storefront on the third floor with a crowd of people. We watch as the crazy grizzly bear chases after a man in the courtyard. It’s terrifying. I make efforts to barge the door with a heavy dresser and we prepare ourselves for the bear’s arrival because it’s understood he’s going to show up. All of a sudden he slams into the door. I command the crowd of people to lie low and pretend to sleep. There I am behind a counter in a closet with windows lying across the floor, arm spread out, hand placed right in front of the door. The bear wants in. He’s sniffing and snorting. Maybe it was the sight of everyone sleeping but the bear just falls to the floor and starts snoozing. The plan worked! But not for long. While everyone attempts to leave quietly the bear awakens ready to wreak havoc again. We all run outside and disperse in the courtyard. The bear rises on its back legs and pins me to the wall. There’s an understood kinship with the bear that I suddenly realize so I’m not afraid anymore. I lean my head into the bear’s furry stomach, which is partly bumpy. The bear accepts the affectionate gesture then falls to the floor. I notice the bear is Margot somehow—apparently she only transforms into a bear on certain days. With heavy teary eyes, I start reprimanding her for the people she’s killed...

“What about those innocent people? That woman. Those two little girls. They’re dead!”

Getting out of bed at 11:15 a.m.

Banana. Orange Juice.

All day shift at China Wok.

Stephanie: “Vb was fun for a little while before I re-realized its still just a tiny pool of mostly the same people.”

Me: “why does the tiny pool unimpress you? you’re the kind that likes social variety i guess. theres a lot of good things to be said about such a community.”

Stephanie: “I like the community. I just don’t think it’s a high traffic community…”

Me: “yeah we’re definitely not a cultural train station”

Stephanie: “I tried the polyamory thing and I came to the conclusion that humans like to be loved one on one, one at a time.”

Me: “at the end of the day when all the boys leave you in a polyamorous dust, ill still be your friend.”

Slow afternoon.

Fig Bar.

Margot shoots me a text, “You’re my best friend and I love you to death.”

Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Potato Chip Trio. Honey Green Tea. Vanilla Caramel Chews.

Delivering an order at The Russell House. One of the employees observes how I carry the cash in my hand, out in the open.

In sort of a southern accent he says, “Where you from?”

Me: “Oh I live right here.”

Guy: “Man, in New Orleans you don’t carry around cash like that. You put it straight into your pocket.”

Vegetable Lo Mein in Garlic Sauce. Vanilla Caramel Chews.

After being disappointed from some boy troubles Stephanie texts me, “I guess its called a crush because you get crushed afterwards”

Back home.


Eating a bowl of Cheerios with Brown Sugar.

Editing. Organizing.

I had an option to hang out with Margot tonight that I turned down. She thought it would be nice to see me so I thought I’d invite her over for a sleep over. We lay down on the bed together cuddling and such. She looks at me with an inspective face...

Her: “I never realized how dorky you are...and quirky.”

Me: “You knew that!”

Her: “Yeah but it gets kind of lost when you’re always trying to have sex with someone.”

Me: “Or love someone...”

Her: “That too.”

Sleepy time.

[i] Party Bear. Image source unknown.

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