Friday December 16 2011


DREAM: Out on the Friend’s School basketball courts shooting around. It’s early in the morning, like 5am early. Some of the employees arrive on site. They’re nurse ladies—moving their carts right in the middle of the court—talking to me. I maneuver around the cart to do a layup.

Waking up just before 2 p.m.

A bowl of Cream of Wheat with Brown Sugar and Milk.

[Text message]

Margot: “Hey I’m sorry about last night. I was a little harsh. I said some pretty mean things on the phone and on voicemail. Sorry. I was just really worked up. I felt like you didn’t care that I left or about my safety. Now I’m emotionally hungover and my sadness from last night has transcended into today, ruining it :(. I miss you and love you so much.”

Me: “you were more than a little harsh. its unacceptable. we’re not dating and you still find ways to abuse me. i appreciate your apology though.”

Her: “Yeah right...well I can only guess your correspondence with me is over or been severely decreased. So you have a good one. I guess I’ll hear from you sometime.”


Her: “...or it’s just been ended completely.”


Me: “look, im sorry i didn’t walk back with you. you made a minute problem HUGE. i just wish you had better control over yourself then we could’ve had a pleasant night.”


Me: “You crossed the fucking line with your voicemails. you really know how to insult people and make them feel worthless. you’re a mean person.”

Her: “Well you made me feel worthless without even trying for years.”


Her: “So what? We’re not talking or hanging out anymore at all?”

Me: “you have an anger issue. you will keep hurting and abusing the ones you love unless you take control of it.”

Her: “Thanks for the ambiguous answer. Seriously dude. Be straight forward please.”

Me: “im explaining something to you and being straight forward. take back what you said and ill consider keeping you in my life.”

Her: “What did I say that needs to be taken back?”

Me: “your carelessness with your words is so beyond your understanding you can’t even remember what you said?”

Her: “No. I know what I said. I just wanna know what specific phrases you had in mind.”

Me: “how about all of them”


Her: “Well I thought that’s what my apology was for but ok. I take all the things I said back.”

She's a never ending thorn in my side...a lovely prick on my skin that I wish would go away but at the same time leaves such a colossal bittersweet mark on my heart. Her gritty episodes never cease to perplex me. She's two persons in one...a real phenomenon. I know this for sure though...I do not want to be with her.

Downloading music.

Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Honey Green Tea.

Finishing Lonely Hearts (2006).

I get called into China Wok for a few hours...making decent money.

Then to Norfolk with Stephanie, Darren, Josiah, and Kevin for the Shdwply Records showcase. On the way there—downing a few Mickey’s and sharing tunes.

At The Belmont: You’re Jovian (Elliott’s band) with their jittery noisy melodic rock, Adam from Invisible Hand with dancy loops and charismatic leads on the microphone, PC Worship with sludgy grunge and punk, Super Vacations, and some fast paced garage band. It feels like a friend reunion being here. The bar/venue is packed with familiar faces and live sounds. Dance pit. Bobbing heads. Push around. Shake your limbs.

Darren: “If I was 2 feet taller I would be the greatest human being that mankind has ever seen.”

Sesame Tuna Steak.

As we’re saying our goodbyes, Nick Jackson jokingly makes me feel dumb for leaving, “What? You’re leaving? It’s a Friday night! You’re a square.”

“No. I’m a rectangle. I have length and width...Actually I’m more like a trapezoid.”

On the drive back with Darren and Kevin. Listening to Darren go on a bitching rant about people and things but mostly the shift in our house arrangement. At some point he recognizes how ridiculous he’s acting, “I need to stop bitching.”

Back home.

Leftover Spaghetti and a Carrot.

[Text message]

Margot: “You know it’s prob better if we don’t see each other anymore. This fight made me realize that we were getting too close again and it’s better if we see each other less.”

Bowl of Frosted Shredded Wheat.

Sleep 4:30 a.m.

[i] You’re Jovian at The Belmont. Image by me.

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