Wednesday February 23 2011

Waking up around 5 p.m.

Retrieving my car from the shop down the street—he still needs to do the electrical work for it so I’ll have to take it back in tomorrow.

Rachel flipped her car over yesterday on the First Colonial Off Ramp on her way to my house to meet everyone for the film shoot. She’s texting me: “Had to crawl out the sunroof onto the median.” “Yesterday was so surreal.” She is okay now as well as her car.

Breakfast: Cinnamon Roll Toast with Butter. Orange Pineapple Juice. Zinc, Vitamin D.

Work at China Wok for like an hour—one order in total. Slowwww.

Trader Joe’s. I keep running into Daniel Hart.


Lunch: Tuna Salad Sandwich with Tomato. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Honey Green Tea.

Visiting Margot at her place. She just had her wisdom teeth pulled earlier today so she’s kind of bedridden, or rather houseridden. She’s holding a Ziploc bag of ice over her cheeks.

Playing Sequence.

In the kitchen as we’re preparing a bowl of ice cream, she sucks some off her finger and suddenly freaks out and says it feels like something’s not there anymore where her wisdom tooth was pulled. Sucking back like that is something she’s not supposed to do for a while. She fears it to be a dry socket now, which could potentially elongate the healing process. Her nana tries to calm her down and so do I, but she’s really convinced herself it’s something to be worried about.

Back in the den on the couch. I try to calm her down—rubbing my hand on her shoulder and head. “Baby, you’re going to be fine. You’re freaking yourself out.” I find the papers she got from the dentist office and call the 24 hour-on-call doctor. No answer. I leave a message.

Popeye [1980] on the tube. She lies her stomach across my lap, her face buried in one of the throw pillows. Touching, caressing, and massaging her body with tender loving care. I feel so grateful right now. This live action Popeye movie with Robin Williams is actually quite funny, but in a wonky kind of way—one of the most accurate representations of a cartoon. She wants me to play with her hair. Of course I will. She’s ready for bed. I tuck her in. “Just get through the night baby and call the doctor in the morning. You’ll be alright.”

I walk into the house. Kenneth is sitting down with a big white envelope he’s written on with notes he’s taken from the day’s troubles. “Robert, just give me five minutes of your time.” I decide to put away the dishes and peel garlic cloves while he vents his drama-fired life to me. I look at him from time to time while he talks and almost literally see the monkeys on his back carrying a pile of bricks in their hands pounding him over and over again. He’s a battered 47-year-old man, “a magnet for disaster” he once told me. He’s tired. He’s stressed. Oh Kenneth, I wish there was a way I could help. “Rob, you’re the only person in the world that’s given me a chance to get back on my feet.” I give him my opinion and advice on what I see could simplify his life. “You need to downsize. You’ve got stuff everywhere—all these material things that you think are valuable, and some are, but you have to consolidate what’s really worth it. The clutter on the outside is causing clutter in your mind. You’re scattered……..Have you ever thought about just getting out? Like, just leaving?” He refuses to stand down from anything. He’s a fighter and wants what he deserves, especially from his family inheritance. There’s a lot of BS going on between him and his sister, our landlord. It only seems to escalate higher and higher. He’s an angry man that desperately needs patience from others.

Dinner: Sun Dried Tomato Chicken with Cheddar Cheese Pasta Shells and Broccoli. Fresh Roasted Garlic Naan Bread.

Finishing Panic.

Newspaper route.

Drinking Coffee with Honey and Milk, Blueberry Donut from 7-11.

I’ve decided that I am an official Coast to Coast Radio Kook. The ideas being discussed on this program are things that have been fermenting in my brain for the past 3 years. Listening to this just confirms what I’ve been feeling. It’s like I’m being awakened to a whole new understanding of the world, and not just in a spiritual form but mental form. The more knowledge I seek the more everything just makes sense—it all ties in: Numerology, Mathematics, God, Buddhism, Laws of Nature, Humanity. Here’s the simplest way to explain it: The despiritualization of everyone is happening at such an incredible rate these days and most people don’t recognize it because they’re falling love with the modern world, a world without connection to nature.

Jeffrey Grupp is the guest tonight. “A former atheist, Grupp said he's found empirical proof for the existence for God by seeing the "golden ratio" displayed throughout nature, the cosmos, and in quantum chaos. He also spoke about "telementation," a variation on the Law of Attraction that focuses more on feeling reality into existence rather than using belief or visualization to manifest things.

Through his study of numerology, Grupp noted that the change into the 21st century, with years all starting with 2 instead of 1, signifies a large change. This suggests we're entering a time of dramatic camaraderie, and improvement for humanity, he noted.”

“Dark ecstasy is the spirituality of the Illuminati, and a force that has, to a lesser degree, been implanted into humans, whereby humans have a capacity to develop spiritual euphoria surrounding artistic experiences of genuine sadomasochism, death and murder, war, pain, and so forth. Dark ecstasy’s spiritual euphoria becomes addictive, and it is triggered by art-forms in the world. It is the opposite experience as one has when ocean surf transports one to spiritual joy and levity.”

-Jeffrey Grupp

What can I do to improve my consciousness? What can I do differently? Are my surroundings and my environment holding me back from a light ecstasy rather than a dark ecstasy? I feel that the more my consciousness improves, the more powerful my music will become, my art.

Preaching to myself in the car, “If people would just get out of their auto-pilot consciousness, they would realize that what they’re thinking about constantly is who they become. You attract everything that happens to you. Get out of that defeatist mindset! Find your confidence and you will not only live the good life, but the best life.”

Margot’s wide awake at 6am. The on-call doctor called me back with comforting information: it isn’t possible for her to get dry socket the same day as the surgery, not for another 2 to 4 days. Telling her this over the phone. I thought she’d feel much better knowing that.

Me: “Is it weird to say that I have a crush on you?”

Her: “Does that mean you don’t love me anymore?”

Me: “Ha. No. Of course I love you. But you know, people have crushes on things they don’t have, like when you have a crush on a movie star. They’re bigger than life for you and you can’t have them.”

Figuring out money.



Leaving my car at the shop then walking back home, smoking a clove.

Brendan’s sitting there at the computer as I enter the house.

Him: “Nice glasses.” referring to my sunglasses.

Me: “Yeah, it’s bright out there for a vampire.”

Him: “Shouldn’t you be shriveling up?”

Me: “See that’s the weird thing. I really like garlic too.”

Sleep 10 a.m.

No comments: