Saturday February 12 2011

DREAM: I’m sitting down at a table in a cafeteria-like setting—lots of other people around me but all is quiet. I drove here with Dustin, Margot, and an unnamed friend. There’s a romantic disagreement between Margot and I—she’s next to me but at a fair distance. I’m trying to understand what’s going on with her—I think she’s drunk, or just out of it, not really comprehending what I’m telling her. I’m opposed to her spending time with some guy or something. She’s just not appeasing me in anyway. At one point I suggest she come close and lay her head down on my lap. In spite, she lays her head down in Dustin’s lap, who’s to the right of her. I’ve had it. I get up in anger and quickly announce, “I’m done! Find your own ride home.” Immediately I leave the room. ☼☼☼ Standing just outside a closed convenient store at night waiting for something, maybe a ride. I notice two guys slip on ski masks over their heads and rob the store for money. I try to act like I’m minding my own business, which I do quite a good job of. But apparently it was not good enough. One of the dudes shouts to me, “Hey!” and points his gun and BAM! I feel the bullet pounce into the back of my neck. I’m gonna die. Somehow I survive the shot and I have both of the guys in a headlock, arm around their necks choking both of them simultaneously.

Getting out of bed at 5:48 p.m.

Rushing to get to work by 6.

Breakfast: English Muffin with Peanut Butter. Orange Juice. Zinc.

Delivering for China Wok.

My bosses have been watching over this little girl for someone in the family. She’s here everyday. They created a little cubbyhole for bedding underneath the counter where the register is. She’s literally here all day. And she just sits there in the pink restaurant chair with her toys and a soda pack to prop her up, watching Dora the Explorer in front of the laptop, which we use to get our online orders in. Every time one rings through we have to minimize the video so we can click “confirm”. At one point, I accidently close Dora the Explorer and the little girl starts whining in Chinese. She’s cute but spoiled.

I talk with Margot a few times on the phone while I’m driving around. She’s going to a friend’s party tonight and I find myself acting like a worried father, lecturing her about staying safe and smart. She gets kind of distressed about what I’m saying, feeling like an idiot. But seriously, I have every reason to be concerned because the two things you never want to hear happen to your girlfriend has happened already: getting mugged and date raped. I just love her and want to protect her. I make sure she knows I’m not trying to ruin her night and I’m not going to be one of those overprotective boyfriends. She should be able to have fun with her friends. Trust. Trust. Trust.

Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Honey Green Tea.

Watching Gomorrah [2008].

Playing guitar softly—working on this new song.

Researching more into this mysterious UFO Dome Rock appearance in Jerusalem. There seems to be a lot of evidence that suggests video manipulation was used. But then again, there will always be skeptics. My mind is not made up about this. I’m leaning more towards the hoax side of the fence. If it is a hoax then this is probably one of the coolest ones I’ve seen in a long time.

Dinner: Breaded Cod Fillets with a Ketchup and Tiger Sauce Dip. Rice with Mixed Vegetables. Broccoli.

Newspaper route.

An exiled/former Scientologist is the guest for Coast to Coast radio tonight.

I call her to see if she’s okay and everything. She answers, telling me she’s in bed now, but reluctant to specify who’s bed which happens to not be hers but that of Les’s roommates’, lying next to that guy as well. I get nervous and flip out a little. “Margot, I told you I was uncomfortable with that.” She’s slurring her words but listening. I can tell she drank more than she said she would, and obviously more than enough to inhibit her driving back home. So it was probably good that she spent the night there. But next to him? My body is shaking some. I feel vulnerable and not in control. Am I right to be upset like this? Or is my territorial male ego acting on my behalf? An overreaction? I ask her to switch to my shoes for a minute and see if she would react the way I am right now. What if I was sleeping next to girl she didn’t know? I really don’t have a problem trusting the “sober regular fun Margot”, but given the events that have already happened in the recent past, there is no way I can trust the “drunk wasted unstable Margot”, and especially around guys, especially guys I don’t know. Ugh.

Getting a Bowtie Donut and Coffee from 7-11.

I can’t get my thoughts off her. It would just hurt me so much if anything happened again. Feeling weak and insecure. Thinking how she’s trapped in my heart and mind now. You know you’re in it with somebody when every time you hear or see something beautiful you think of them. It’s in that Peter Bjorn and John song or even that Nelly song. It’s in the Titanic movie or the latest cute indie flick. It’s in the sunrise I see every morning. I remember the first time I discovered this world that I created in my head exclusively for her. I knew it would only grow from here. The longer it’s there, the more construction is put into it—the kingdom between her and me keeps expanding as long as we’re together. Oh boy. I’m scared. I guess I’m trying to protect myself too.

I told her I would come pick her up from that apartment when I got off work and that’s what I did.

Margot: “How am I going to get back to my car?”

Me: “You’re not. I’m kidnapping you and locking you in a cage.”

She’s here in the bed, safe in my room and sound asleep.

Counting quarters.

Trimming up the beard.

Settling down in the sack with her around 9 a.m.

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