Tuesday October 16 2012


☼ ○ ▬

Sitting down at a table with my mom in some kind of restaurant. She’s describing a story on how complicated it was to buy something the other day without being bombarded by 48 audio advertisements on the product she was buying.

I comment, “I’m coming to terms in regards to things about life.………..it’s miserable.”

“Mhm! Yes,” she replies as if I just said what she was thinking.

“Life is miserable,” I re-word. But I wasn’t saying that life in general is miserable, just life the way it is sometimes with all it’s technological complexities. I continue with my thoughts, “After watching that documentary on the utopian society in Siberia I realized how better that would be. What we need is a community.”

A lady sitting across from us overheard our conversation and turns around, “I couldn’t help but overhear what you were talking about. It’s sad really. You’re right. We need a better community.”

▬ ○ ☼ ○ ▬

I step into a busy coffee shop that seems to appeal to the 20-something age bracket. I’m typing on some computer keyboard and whatever I type appears on a separate small screen off to the side as an interpretation. I type in, “I KILL”. The small screen shows my name but glitched and misspelled, “JAMES 8RuROBERT SMI&TH”. All of a sudden I have the realization that I’m dreaming. I even say to myself, I’m dreaming. I pull up my hands to take a closer look just to make sure. They’re all blurry and shifty. I keep reminding myself that I’m dreaming. I focus my vision and they become clear as crystal. I can do whatever I want. I will control this dream. I wave my hand over the small screen and magically correct my name, “JAMES ROBERT SMITH”. There! Easy. Just to test it again I walk over to a lady playing an arcade game and pinch her butt. She doesn’t react. Nobody really notices me. A man in the back of the room is yelling and being a comedian. I decide to leave. I run outside and over to a counter where two female clerks are working. One of the girls is sitting in a chair with her back turned. I walk over in confidence and stroke her hair. She turns around. Her face is quite attractive. Because I’m dreaming I know there are no consequences. I pull myself in closer to her face and kneel in between her legs. She’s talking to me but I guide the mood to a sexual one, both of us feeling a surge of passion. I rub my hands on her thighs, up and down, up and down. She’s not wearing panties. She tends to my groin. I’m strong and ready for action. But my body’s had enough of dreaming and...

▬ ○ ☼

...I wake up just before 2 p.m.

Strawberry Pastry. Orange Juice.

Long Skype chat with Aysena. It’s been almost a week since we’ve seen each other via webcam. It’s nice talking about books and smiling at one another and laughing and being bashful and being cute in general. I plan on coming to Moscow maybe in the beginning of next year to teach English for a month.

Ays: “You gonna be so confused by everything in Moscow.”


She keeps thinking I’m gonna forget about her and stop talking and all that.

Ays: “You gonna forget me.”

Me: “I’m not gonna forget you. How could I?”


Ays: “I should write a book about girls that don’t have a father. Cause they have a big big problem. I mean we have.”

Pep talk with Darren...

Him: “I hate my whole life, Robert. Sometimes I just wanna lay down and cry...for my whole life.”

Grilled Cheese with Tomato and Hummus. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Honey Green Tea.

Watching Machine Gun Preacher (2011).

Catching up on writing.

Exercising. Stretching. Learning Russian.

Playing basketball with Anthony. It’s a bit chilly but perfect weather for physical activity.

Back at the house. Kevin cooks dinner. I throw in some of my own dishes.

Mahi-mahi Fillets with Fettuccine Noodles, Broccoli, and Carrots in Alfredo Sauce.

Watching the presidential debates with Anthony, Kelley, and Kevin.

Downstairs working on a collage using the clippings I’ve been gathering. On a whim I use some of Anthony’s hair we’ve kept in a Sangria bottle.  

Sleep shortly after 4 a.m.

[i] Mixed Media Collage by me.

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