Friday April 20 2012


DREAM: I’ve sat down to a business meeting of sorts at a giant square table. The actor Colm Feore is the head chairman. I question his leadership and his ideas. Everything goes awry. Now I’m holding back two of my friends in front of me. Colm approaches and doesn’t think twice about piercing the side of my friend’s skull with a knife to show he doesn’t take a liking to my rebellion.

Wakey wakey at 12:30 p.m. next to contented Margot. A little morning sex is in order.

Dropping my car off at the shop for an oil change.

Lunch at Thai Arroy.

Sharing Chicken Pad Thai with Spring Rolls and a Salad. Thai Tea.

Her: “What would you do without me?”

Smiling I reply, “I’d do other things.”

She doesn’t take a liking to the joke.

Her: “My life wouldn’t be as bright without you in it is what you’re supposed to say!”

Me: “[haha] You’re right.”

Back at her place lounging on the back porch – sunning.


She’s excited about this new pink dress she just bought.

Picking up my car.

Stopping by the VB Thrift store on 17th street. They’ve got a crackhead pretending to be a car salesman asking me, “Whatchoo looking for? No, whatchoo really looking for?” I try to purchase Edgar Allan Poe’s The Raven on laser disc and a dreamy looking picture of a waterfall. He wants $35 for the laser disc and $10 for the picture.

Me: “$35? Dude, you’re never gonna sell that. And I know other thrift stores that sell pictures for $4.”

Crackhead: “Then you don’t really want it do you?

Me: “No, not for that price.”

He doesn’t even offer to negotiate, nor do I. But I already came to the conclusion that talking about anything with this guy would prove futile.

Peanut Butter Sandwich. Grapes. Honey Oolong Tea.

Watching The Thin Red Line (1998).

Editing old blog entries.

People corralled into the kitchen while Darren cooks a salmon dinner. I bake a mini DiGiorno for myself with Green Peppers and Mushrooms.   

I take Darren and Andy, our Switzerland couch surfer, to the strip. Our original plan was to attend Grime Time at Shaka’s, but we’re reluctant and with good reason. The whole strip here on The Block with all its trashy shitty bars is just unbecoming to me. I can find better things to do with my time than watch primped up entitled attention whores and male douchebaggery at its finest. We settle on Baja’s for a calm atmosphere. We try a few rounds of pool with an older man who gives us a beating. He obviously knows what he’s doing by cutting a deal with us: whoever loses buys the winner a beer. Of course, he gets almost three on our account. 

All the power windows and automatic locks stopped working on my car. So I troubleshoot – taking off panels and checking fuses. One fuse isn’t blown but might be worn out. I’ll have to wait and see tomorrow if this is the source of the problem.

Chocolate Chip Cookies. Coconut Milk.

I’m feeling unsettled and halfway disgusted. And there’s nothing specific that is the culprit. It could just be the awareness of a general distaste with people and humanity. Yes, I think that’s what it is.

Earlier when I was out with the guys we visited Margot briefly while she was working at Harpoon Larry’s and I noticed a familiar face that I haven’t really met but only seen pictures of. But I knew exactly who it was. I could tell by his macho demeanor that it was the guy Margot had confessed to having a mild interest in. Apparently they haven’t communicated whatsoever in a while. But it’s funny that I randomly show up at Poon’s and there he is. Understandably he’s there on his own accord with friends getting dinner but I’m unsettled about any kind of interaction between them. I blew it off and didn’t say anything until now. She calls me after she gets out of work at about 3:30 a.m.


I’m grilling her once again...but for nothing really...only because I’m feeling insecure. She explains that she deleted his number already because she had no reason to converse with him and she knew it upset me. I believe her. Amongst my continuing to pry she gets irritated because she’s tired and trying to get ready for bed. I hang up dramatically.


She writes me an after-text: “Look. I love you. Sorry if I was being mean. I’ve had plenty of opportunities to have something happen between him and I drunk and sober and nothing has so that should say something in itself.”

Going to sleep a little uncomfortable at 4 a.m.

[i] Bryant Eslava.

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