Tuesday November 8 2011

Waking up around 1:30 p.m.


Google work.

Amanda: “How are you living these days? Dark days or bright days?

Me: “technicolor days with a grey tint.”

Grocery shopping at Trader Joe’s with Darren. He’s glued to the phone for minutes at a time.

Me: “Quit texting and let’s shop!”

Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Potato Chip Trio. White Peach Tea.

Watching Under Suspicion [2000].

More Google work.

They give me a hard time because I lock myself up in my room. It’s been dubbed “The Chamber of Solitude”.

Darren: “What the heck is that?”

Me: “It’s aloe vera juice.”

Darren: “So you’re drinking sunscreen?”

Me: [Hahaha]

you...on my mind...constantly.

Recording at the storage unit.

Back home. Darren and I cook dinner together.

Marinated Tuna Steaks with Rice and Broccoli. Glasses of Merlot.

Sitting down at the card table sharing the goodness of the fruits of our labor with Kevin and Josiah.

Earlier I felt my phone buzzing with you know who on the caller ID. To see her name...to see her reaching out to me tugs at my heart. I return the call...

Her “Hiiii” sounds so familiar and adorable. This is not part of the non-contact agreement but I can tell we both sense each other’s weakness. We’re both missing something...

Me: “Do you ever question the validity of your feelings after this distance?”

Her: “No. Cause I know it was real. I know you really loved me and I loved you.”


Her: “I hope for you that you don’t regret breaking up with me. I think you should but I don’t want you to feel that way.”


It’s only been 5 days since we last saw one another. And even then, we’ve exchanged a few emails and a few text messages.

Her: “Three days felt like an eternity.”


Me: “Remember that time we cried in each other’s arms?”

Her: “It was sad.”

Me: “Yeah it was.”


Talking about the next coming months—the moving (she’ll be moving into her own place soon)—the travelling (my Europe trip in January).


Her: “I hope someday you’ll be ready to settle down.”

Me: “Well, yeah someday.”

Her: “I hope I’m around for that.”

Me: “I feel like if I was a simple man with simple ambitions...if I had a career...financially stable...maybe if I had moved out of my parents house earlier or something...then I would’ve already settled down...I have to sacrifice that security to achieve my ambitions.”


Me: “You’ll always be this beautiful enigma to me and I don’t think that’ll every change for me.”


Pondering all the ways I’ve made this relationship complicated...

Me: “Why does everything have to be a big deal? Why can’t things just be simple and people just accept that we need human connection...”

Why can’t we throw all that other bullshit out the door?


Her: “Thanksgiving isn’t that far away I think if we can make it till then that will be commendable.”


Making a pact that if by the time I’m 30 and I’m not married/dating anyone, then we’ll be together again and marry. We’re both left with the hope one day this love force that we’ve worked so hard to develop can reignite at the sight of each other—that we’ll melt into another’s arms.


Towards the end of the conversation her phone reception starts to get shaky...as usual.

Her: “Be a good boy.”

Me: “Yeah, you be a good girl.”

For the past three nights the power in the house shuts off for like 3 seconds then comes back on. Tonight as it happened I noticed the time was 11:11.

Cherrios with Brown Sugar.

Watching Sphere [1998].

Sleep 4 a.m.

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