Tuesday November 15 2011


DREAM: I’m riding a 10 story tall bicycle. It’s wobbling and difficult to control. I keep looking down...afraid to falter...but I stay up high. Eventually I approach the perimeter of the city I’m in—like a glitch or area that hasn’t been created virtually yet. I tip over and fall into a white abyss. ☼☼☼ I’m in the middle or about to have sex with Margot but I keep losing the blood flow and get turned off by two things: a phone call with the president of some unknown Arabic country and people nearby watching. Apparently they paid two 5-dollar bills to see us perform in front of them. Margot seems to be okay with it but I’m just not feeling it.

Instant Maple Sugar Oatmeal. Orange Juice. Zinc. Vitamin C.

Solo road trip to Richmond for my first real dental appointment in a few years. They have a school of dentistry there where my friend Leslie’s sister Lauren is a student dentist. Because it’s a school their rates are drastically cheaper than a private dentistry. My main concern is the chipped front tooth given to me back in elementary school when some kid knocked my head into a cement structure on the playground. For the most part I have healthy teeth except for one cavity.


Afterwards. Driving through the one-way streets and storefronts. I can’t help but think of Raven. In my mind I imagine dropping by her house and blindsiding her with my presence...just to say Hi, yeah I still exist. I mean, really I wouldn’t know what to say if I ran into her on accident here. Even though I’m still hurt by what happened, all those feelings are past me now. She’s just a memory...a sleeping monster in my cortex.


Meeting in front of Baker’s Crust off Cary Street. I have the opportunity to give Rachel a warm hug and exchange a few words before she starts her work shift. She’s terribly eager to move back to Virginia Beach. After this quick run-in I dine in Ellwood Thompson’s Local Market. It’s similar to The Heritage back home but 10 times better and there’s an incredible buffet to choose from.

I settle for Chic Pea Soup with Onions and Carrots. Vegan Cornbread. Aloe Vera Drink with Mango and Mangosteen. Also, a raw clove of Garlic.

On the drive back...

Not feeling well at all. Achy body. Headache. I’m sick. Jamming random tunes on the stereo. I’m lost in my thoughts. The power of being alone is immense when no one is around you. Margot’s still on my mind. For some reason, I’m not capable of dwelling on all her crazy, her negativity, her manipulative and selfish nature: the bad times. Boy do I remember it. But all that sticks is her beauty, her loveliness, and her adoration for me. She’s just another monster in my cortex, except she’s not sleeping but rather wide-awake and ready for a scare. I wish I could be her lover again. Maybe another time. Maybe not.

Back home—tired and worn out.

Watching Beautiful (2009).

Eating a Buticha Ethiopian Garbanzo Bean Wrap.

Editing footage from 11-11-11.

Ibuprofen and liquids.

Amanda and Stef stop by.

Me: “Let’s take the trash out...if you know what I mean.”

We go for a walk to the dumpster and parade around the neighborhood—loitering in front of the Chanticleer sign at the entrance. The fresh air is good for the soul and this illness...and a little comedy helps also. At one point we’re standing in the street just in front of the townhome. Darren flips up the blinds to his window and shouts, “I’m tired of listening to all that happiness down there!” It’s such a ridiculous image of his silhouette peering from the window with the rest of the brick building making it look like a dollhouse.

The nanny left a note above the sink stating she was very sick and request that “someone take care of this,” referring to the pile of dishes. I feel like cleaning so I do it.

Banana. Brown Rice Green Tea.

Keeping the nose plugged.

Sleep 5 a.m.

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