Thursday November 3 2011

DREAM: Planet Earth hovering ominously over an alien planet. A voice narrating the action Earth is taking…“Watch as the Earth shoots down and destroys it with one blow...” An explosion upon impact [BOOOOOOM]. Meanwhile, a storm is brewing on Earth and we’re concerned about breathing in this chemical called Lucid. ☼☼☼ Pulling up in my car to this medical center off First Colonial road. It’s one of those old houses turned into a business. I’m with one of the doctors (he hasn’t opened up the office yet). Amanda and Nicole happen to be waiting patiently by the front door. It’s understood one of them left something of theirs in my car so that’s the reason they’re here. I open up the back hatch to the car to grab something. Nicole reaches in for a greeting hug but there’s an awkward moment where our faces brush up against one another. No one around us seems to care or make mention even though they saw it. We all head in. The scene is more like a bar with lots of people drinking and eating pizza. I can’t find my doctor anywhere. I think he’s supposed to look at my tooth. I head into the waiting room where Nicole and Josiah are lying on the bed. I jump in and cuddle up next to them. Suddenly I have the realization that I’m dreaming.

I say something out loud, “I’m dreaming within a dream!”

I profess that I have the power to clone myself...lying down pretending to sleep...slowly moving my arms up and down hoping that it looks like a blur to everyone watching.

Me: “Am I doing it? Is it working?”

Nicole: “Yeah. Kind of.”

Later, Nicole and I find Josiah and Rachel cooped up inside of a weirdly shaped toilet in the bathroom. It’s assumed they’re doing sexual things. I take the opportunity to confront Nicole about our awkward moment...

“Hey. What was that all about?”


Waking up just after 1 p.m.

Banana. Orange Juice. Zinc.

Anthony: “You’re just a tease in a sweater.”

Egg Sandwich with Tomato. Potato Chip Trio. Honey Green Tea.

In Norfolk for Keslie McNair’s vintage store grand opening: Lavender and Lace (

Performing a solo Musicplayer set—Anthony plays a set too—and also Wynter and Olivia (of Tone Love)(whimsical duo to the likes of Eisley). A lot Norfolk friends I haven’t seen a while. Phil Gray! And a monumental moment it was for him and Anthony to finally meet. There’s an adorable old Chinese man who resembles Mr. Miyagi—he’s offering to write people’s names in Chinese characters. During the girl’s set he takes the opportunity to show us tai chi moves—Kelly Jackson tries to imitate. Margot’s here. I expected to see her because she already planned on it before we made our separation decision. Kelly senses my mental preoccupation.

“You seem distracted.”

“I’m fine. I’m just mentally distracted. But I’m okay.”


I walk Margot to her car before she leaves. There’s a time of embracing and nervousness...

Me: “I’m scared.”

It’s cold.

Me: “Don’t give yourself so easily. There’s a rare few that deserve the honor.”

Kisses on the cheek.

Her: “I want to kiss you.”

Me: “Okay. Go ahead.”

She reaches in. All I can think about for this moment is that this could be the last time, like really the last time. I let her go...

On the drive back. Darren and Anthony are drunk off the wine provided at the show. I’m obviously despondent and sad...sinking in a lot of things...the idea of distance and separation from someone whom I love very much. Even though this is my doing...I noticed a difference in her heart and behavior. It reminds me of the dark times she put me through back in February. But here I am. I have to face the imminent trail in front of me—the path to enlightenment—the solo path of a sexless and loveless warrior. Time for a detox. I asked for it. I’ll be strong.

Anthony sends me a text while we’re driving back to VB: “You are the best friend i’ve made since high school.”


Back home...our new roommate, Elisa, is here and we all finally meet and welcome her to the family.

I respond to Anthony’s text: “there is a strong brotherly bond between you and i that i also recognize.”

Pasta and Vegetable Leftovers. I need to loosen up and be around my friends...keep my mind off things. There’s a general vibe of care-freeness and happiness here. Give me some of that.

Talks and beers in my room with Anthony and Darren...

Darren: “I think inside of me is a great novel. I’m hoping maybe moving to Mexico will be a kick start to it...”

Darren and I head over to Nicole and Amanda’s place for a different atmosphere. Within the first few minutes Nicole and Darren are battling it out over the validity of holistic healing methods. I retreat into Amanda’s room where her crazy bird resides. We converse for a long time about dreaming—the point of dreaming—the premonition phenomena aspect of dreams—and other sad topics of the day. Eventually Darren and I switch places—now he’s in the kitchen talking with Amanda while Nicole and I talk about the logistics of relationships and other disheartening topics on the ups and downs of human thinking. Social stimulation is probably better for me in these sensitive times. Feeling inspired somewhat—human connection is a powerful thing.

A bowl of Cherrios with Brown Sugar.

Sleep sometime after 5 a.m.

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