Monday September 19 2011

DREAM: Acting in a movie starring Darren, myself, and another girl. In an auditorium or gymnasium, stage set up with giant maroon curtains. The first scene is set in Old America when pilgrims travelled west on the Oregon Trail in carriages and horses. Everyone has their costumes on and the stage is decorated to look like the appropriate scenery. The script doesn’t have me in this scene but I encourage an appearance. Later on I’m off below the stage on my computer—a crowd of people surrounding me—browsing a website dedicated to peanut butter and I guess you can mail order whatever kind you want. A little girl makes it known she would like green peanut butter. Green peanut butter? There it is within the list. I place the order…☼☼☼…In the kitchen of my dad’s old place in North Carolina. A few family members nearby. I spot a cockroach scrambling on the floor. I chase after it and step on it just barely clipping it’s wings off with my shoe. It escapes and runs into the dining room. I finally stomp down, crushing its crunchy skeleton.

Waking up at 11 a.m.

Grapes. Pluot Plum.

All day shift at China Wok.

Hello sunshine…

Lunch: Super Sonic Breakfast Burrito. Blue and Yukon Gold Potato Chips. Honey Green Tea.

The afternoon is slow and calm…

I need a new cause…


…means to embody a great refusal, to find pleasure in struggle, to transform every moment of existence into a repudiation of the consumerist nightmare and an affirmation of revolutionary possibility.”

Ice Cream Cone. Mmm. This one was good.

One cannot always tell what it is that keeps us shut in, confines us, seems to bury us, but still one feels certain barriers, certain gates, certain walls. Is all this imagination, fantasy? I do not think so. And then one asks: My God! Is it for long, is it forever, is it for eternity? Do you know what frees one from this captivity? It is very deep serious affection. Being friends, being brothers, love—that is what opens the prison by supreme power, by some magic force.

---Vincent van Gogh

Darren shows up to China Wok 30 minutes earlier than he’s supposed to. Business is down. He explains how overwhelming his high expectations of others can be and bitches about women and their text message etiquette…

We get into a debate about narcissism. He seems to confuse self-preservation for narcissism. But are they intertwined?

The frustrations of a delivery driver—three shit tips in a row!

Dinner: Vegetable Lo Mein. Beer.

Rediscovering The Comas:

I love it when you fall apart

You turn it into higher art

We see it in your eyes but your lips never part

You're a star

Mixing and editing the Dream Girl song…

I get a call from Margot. God, it’s been a while. She misses me…and wants to see me. Still harboring the same feelings and sadness…

Me: “I’d rather see you when the time is right….and, if it will help…you.”

More mixing and editing…ooo this song is really alive.

Eating a bowl of Cheerios with Brown Sugar.

Sleep 4 a.m.

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