Thursday July 28 2011

DREAM: Standing in the hallway of a strange facility that’s a part of a spaceship. James is with me. We enter a small corridor—behind the door we hear grunt sounds like a pig.

“Don’t open that door yet!”

We back away…but whatever was making those animal noises found a way out the back. I look to the right…and see a big black bull-like beast hopping around ferociously in the mess hall. It pounces toward me. I brace myself and pin the monster to the floor.

Not sure what else to do, I ask James and whoever else around me, “How do I beat him?”

It’s understood that there’s only one way to kill this monster…I figure out a way and it’s done. ☼☼☼ I walk into the kitchen of my home to find the refrigerator pulled out from the wall with stuff tossed behind it. It’s understood Anthony that was responsible for this. In irritation I pull it out even further to evaluate the damages, but just then I hear a clanging sound that tells me the shelving collapsed inside. I look down and a compartment in the fridge implodes and water starts pouring out all over the floor. I unplug the electric cord to prevent myself from getting electrocuted. For some reason this causes the sprinklers throughout the house to turn on and soak everything (There are no sprinklers in our house in waking life). I run upstairs to my room to make sure my laptop didn’t get wet. Luckily it was covered with papers and other things keeping it safe…

Waking up for yoga only to realize my body is nowhere near fit to get up and do any kind of physical activity. It’s still sore from tetherball. Back to sleep…

Sometime after 1 p.m. arising out of bed.

Breakfast: Bagel with Cream Cheese. Orange Juice.

At Earth Sound Studios with Mark compiling the best takes and editing Musicplayer’s nine minute song…


With so many parts and rhythms we have to take a few breaks…

The fruit flies have taken over our surroundings. In the trash can is a banana peel that’s been there for who knows how long. They’re becoming quite a nuisance.


Eating Cape Cod Kettle Cooked Potato Chips with Avocado.

Back home, Aj’s making wonderful fig recipes including Fig & Goat Cheese Sandwiches, Fig Honey Yogurt Cake, and some kind of Fig Stuffing with Rice.

Hitcher in the Dark on the TV for the third time since last night…Anthony can’t seem to get enough of it. Raven and her friend Jonathan are here…

Jamming on guitars with Anthony and Jonathan—playing a few folkie progressions and belching out nonsensical lyrics—Kevin joins us on violin. A new drop-d melody purges on my instrument—everyone vamping on it for a while.

Rose petals somehow end up in the bathtub and trailing down the stairs again…

Something’s wrong with me tonight, internally…Margot is calling me right in the middle of this realization…bad timing because I know I’m going to be a Debbie Downer and bring her cutesy-happy-girlfriend mood down. I don’t want to do that.

Me: “I’m in a weird mood…I’m sorry…You know me…I’m having one of those times…I feel a little depressed.”

She’s here now…trying to cheer me up. She’s feeling sexy and blatantly wanting sex. I don’t feel sexy or sexual and I hate denying her.

In an Italian accent or maybe a Russian accent she says, “Come to me. Come to my bosom. I make you feel better…”

Discussing the hardships and weight a woman has to bear when having a baby.

Her: “I wish I could impregnate you.”

There’s a ton of thoughts simmering through my mind…she reminds me that I get like this every year around the time of my birthday. Maybe it’s a mid-20’s crisis. It is. I’m reminded of how old I am and how time keeps floating by. I can’t help but reflect on my productivity and progress. Really, I’m a happy man—a happy and fulfilled human being. I have to reiterate to myself that I’m experiencing the best times in my life. Last year I went to visit Phil on the farm for my birthday. Turned my cell phone off and soaked in the feeling of exclusion from the modern world. Green. Nature. Animals. Peaches. It was a refreshing experience…

Me: “Everyone should do this at least once a year, if not more.”

Eventually, she leaves…unfulfilled and wanting and awful because of me.
Me: “I’m sorry. Please try to understand….”

I hate bringing her down…my baby. She doesn’t like it when I get like this and takes it too personally.

Me: “I love you so much. You’re very important to me. It’s not you. It’s my problem.”

I get a text from her after she leaves that I don’t know how to respond to…“Sometimes I think I’d be an overall happier person if I wasn’t with you.” That’s a scary statement to make.

Dinner: Baked Cod Fillets with Ketchup and Tiger Sauce. String Beans. Izze Sparkling Grapefruit Juice.

Watching Appaloosa [2008].

Strumming on a new melody—singing—getting lost in these melodies.

Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Sleep 4 a.m.

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