Friday July 29 2011

DREAM: There’s a showdown. I’m on the good side. Gunshots sound off—a few people get killed but the rest of the bad crew runs off. I catch up with an older guy who’s understood to be the sheriff. He was helping the bad guys. I call him out, “You’re a coward! You son of a bitch!” His face stays straight. Even though I know he has a gun ready to draw I have no fear because he’s the sheriff—he’s supposed to have integrity. So I continue my rant about his lack of justice and his cowardice.

Getting out of bed after 11 a.m.

All day shift at China Wok.

Breakfast: Peach. Mango. Orange Juice.

Hottest day ever…which is every day.

Lunch break at the house…The Steve Wilkos show on TV. Kevin and Darren lounging in the living room. Darren’s annoyed that a stripper from Mermaids didn’t call him after giving her his number last night.

“I don’t just give anybody my number!”

He marches up the stairs, “Somebody’s gotta be hardcore in this motherf@*$er!”

Lunch: Double Egg Sandwich with Mayonnaise and Tomato. Salt n Vinegar Chips with Avocado. Lemonade.

The deliveries continue…


They go on…like stories…go on and on and on…

Getting the Starbucks hookup with an Iced Soymilk Coffee and eating a slice of Fig Yogurt Cake.

During most of the day I don’t like driving with any kind of radio or music but by nighttime I get an urge to hear some sounds to be a soundtrack to the evening hustle and bustle. Dreams by Fleetwood Mac comes on 92.9—it sticks to me and feeds on my mind.

They go on…like eternal souls…

Finally off work…after 12 hard hours.

Chillin’ at Raven’s place for a little bit—sharing tunes, sharing vids, sharing pics—her cat, House, purrs with contentment atop her hamper—wearing bunny ears and blowing softly in his face. Discussing when the prospective time should be before “I love you’s” are exchanged in a relationship and if it’s a bad sign when it takes too long. Every person comes from different family situations and thresholds for openness, and I for one took my time to decide when that right time was. But does it really matter how long it takes? Once the choice is made then…

Back home…

Dinner: Stuffed Green Pepper thing with Cheese I dumpstered the other day. Sparkling Grapefruit Juice.

Margot was waiting for me on the couch with everyone. I was being evasive earlier when she was texting me because I know her feelings on me hanging out with other vaginas, so to speak. And lately, a unique friendship has sparked between Raven and I, and Margot has expressed her disliking over it. I tell her where I was, after a bit of talking. And she blows up like a hot air balloon. I try to explain...But I shouldn’t feel guilty for anything because there’s nothing to feel guilty about. I shouldn’t feel like I have to be evasive. Everything between Raven and I is innocent. It’s like the child that lies to his mother because of the fear of her anger or fear of confrontation. Except, I’m not lying and I have to fear confession of a mere meeting with another friend, a new friend, which I understand Margot’s concern and insecurity in this. I would feel a little bit of the same way. But…

“You have to trust me, Margot! It’s always been about trust. How much longer is it going to take for you to develop trust in me!”

Granted, there is a lot of baggage on both our ends. And both her and I have reason to doubt. She keeps saying this relationship is doomed.

“Yes, Margot! This relationship is going to be doomed if there’s no trust!”

There’s mention of breaking up because she’s, we are, tired of being unhappy. It’s too much to bear….

Me: “I don’t want to hear that…You know I don’t like to hear that.”

My eyes get watery and tense…I

…moments pass…silence is recognized…

Distracted by her beautiful legs—caressing them with care. Then, placing my head into her chest—nuzzling…“Mmm. I love being here…I love this place…”

Her: “You’re weird.”

Now she’s sleeping in my bed as I write this memoir of the day…

I join her…4:30 a.m.

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