[i]
DREAM: I’m escorted into a big room—a few chairs set up in the center. I have a good feeling inside me, a spiritual warmness that’s familiar. A man, the music leader of a church, sits down and asks a question to me and the others before we start, “Is everyone okay if we pray and enter into?????”
We begin to sing hymns. I immediately find my place in harmony. The guy next to me drones on a bass tone of A and encourages me to do the same.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Getting out of bed at 11:20 a.m.
Fruit and Nut Bar. Orange Juice.
All day shift at China Wok.
[Text message]
Margot: “I still love you. This blows. I miss being in your life. Even when we were hanging out again I realized you were doing so many things without me and I felt like I didn’t fit in your life anymore. And it sucks so much cause it’s true. I don’t fit. And I really just want to make Christmas cookies with you :(”
Me: “i feel that too. but we can still make christmas cookies ;)”
Spicy Chicken Sandwich with Waffle Fries and a Sweet Tea from Chic-fil-A.
Marbled Mocha Bread.
Soaking in the new tunes while I make deliveries.
My friend Jes from Durham is in town for the weekend. She drops by and joins me on a few deliveries.
Me: “Chinese food is a natural de-odorizer in my car.”
Jes: “Actually I think you mean odorizer.”
Me: “You’re right [Haha]”
Back home. With Darren and Devon in his room. Entertaining ourselves—browsing through lists online of ridiculous inventive products like glow in the dark toilet paper and water jet packs.
Tofu and Mixed Vegetables with Rice in Garlic Sauce.
Downstairs, at the card table sharing a few glasses of Red Wine and German Spice Cookies with Jes. Anthony, Kelley, James Graves, and Kevin walk in just in time to join in conversation—the concept of getting progress reports long past our school years. Kelley has a lisp caused from a tongue bite...
“Kelley you should always talk like that. It’s really cute.”
Margot’s at some grad party right now but wants to come over afterwards. She states in a text, “I wanna do things to you.”
Me: “okay ill get clean first.”
...
Showering and decompressing before her arrival...
She’s here in my room but tainted from a squabble at the party...upset about some dude disrespecting her by lifting up her dress then walking away. She’s heated and yelling about it. I try to calm her and put her in the bed. We share sweet lusty kisses and the momentum builds. Her dress. Unbuttoning one at a time straight down the middle. Touching her. So desirable. There’s an obvious mutual understanding that we’re going to have sex.
I pause, “Okay I’m gonna put something on.”
But wait...it’s over. She’s done with this now. She’s thoroughly offended once again...and lost her excitement. And so have I...my juice is gone.
Me: “Really? I told you I would have to wear a condom.”
Her face is stern. I give up. It doesn’t turn me on when she’s turned off. She clothes herself and gathers her stuff to leave. And so begins a dramatic debate on how insulting this is to her.
Me: “Insulting? Are you fucking kidding me? Margot, you had sex with someone else unprotected. I have no choice. I’m not going to risk that. If anyone should be insulted it’s me! I’m sorry. If we’re going to have sex I’m going to wear a condom. It’s that simple.”
She’s so stubborn and self-focused. Full of twisted logic and redundant arguments. Trying to reason with her is like talking to a brick wall and convincing it it’s made of Jell-O.
...
Now she’s missing her key ring piece and struggling to find it in her purse. In frustration she dumps the contents all over the place and slams her watch down. The attention is diverted to this minor situation. I pitifully watch her crawl in search of the lost item. Upon discovery of her watch breaking in two, her expressive outburst would make you think it’s the end of the world. Hateful. Bitter. God, that vanity. How does a person become so materialistic? Something is terribly wrong with her temper. I attempt to help and make promises that this could be fixed. She’s doubtful. Escorting her to the bed where she curls up and cries for a bit. Offering tissues and comfort. She’s such a queen.
I caress her tense head, “You’re too beautiful to be this stressed.”
...
She warms up after a while. I guess it’s possible she actually realized that none of this mattered because we pick up right where we left off...
+ + + + + + + + + +
Our blockade of inhibitions has crumbled. The condom isn’t a nuisance anymore. As soon as my latex monster penetrates her hot and wet ravine, a switch goes off and she immediately enters into a cloud nine sexual frenzy. Emphatic. Pumping. Pounding. Pushing. That incredible fiery sensation comes back to me. Oh how I missed this...the sex... invigorating...making up for lost opportunities. She talks dirty and I like it. But this was only a recent development in the months leading up to our break-up and even after. Here we are, diving into pleasure together. One-on-one. We finish and lie down naked fully satisfied.
...
Watching an episode of How I Met Your Mother (2005) then falling asleep around 4:30 a.m.
