Tuesday January 24 2012


DREAM: I’m surrounded by a huge crowd in front of this music venue. Walking and talking with a friend. We pass these two girls and I thought it clever to say something out loud to make myself sound cool, “My bones. My bones. Break my bones.” I don’t know what I meant by that but one of the girls repeats it to her friend and giggles. The guy I was walking with ditches me to go inside the venue and cut in front of the big line waiting to get in. I’m alone. I sneak in through the side. It’s understood a band of mine just finished playing so I gather our equipment and instruments and organize it in a pile. The lights go dark. I hear a whirling sound cut through the air. I look over as a Frisbee slices the chest of each performer on stage, like thick protrusions. They seem to be okay but just in shock. The Frisbee returns to the soundman whose standing there in shock too. He obviously didn’t throw it but someone set him up.

Waking up around noon.

Cinnamon Oatmeal with Brown Sugar, Flax Seed, Raisins, Bananas, and Milk. Orange Juice. Zinc (50mg).


Grilled Cheese with Tomato and Hummus. Potato Chip Trio. Aloe Vera Drink.

Watching Until the Light Takes Us (2008), a documentary on Norwegian black metal in the early 90’s and its aesthetics that became a trend. There’s a bloodletting performance shown that resembles some of the images I saw in my dream.

Grocery shopping with Darren.

Then, back home. Trying to cook dinner with Darren but he’s already downed three shots of Southern Comfort and he becomes overly critical of how I like to cook because of his superior chef experience. Finally, we complete the meal: Tuna Steaks with Onions, Broccoli, Mushrooms, and Cabbage. The State of the Union Address comes on NPR. But he gets disgusted with the first two sentences out of Obama’s mouth and turns off the radio.


Upstairs in my room I continue watching the address while I re-string my guitar. Obama’s words aren’t nonsense at all. He presents a lot of productive statements and visions. It’s a shame that his reputation has diminished over the course of his presidency. He has the right logical mindset and lays out the appropriate list of actions that need to be taken in order to solve America’s outrageous problems. He puts a lot of pressure on Congress to give him specific bills. And really, change is in the power of their hands just as much as his.

Chocolate Chip Cookies and Milk.

I talk with Margot for a bit over the phone and express some of the suppressed feelings of anger I’ve been having. But I’m calm and collected as I talk about it and explain that, “You’re a precious woman in my life. And that’s why I feel like I have to look after you...protect you.”


Her: “We’re in a weird place.”

Me: “Weird? We’re not in a weird place. It’s well defined. It’s just a stage. We’re two people that love each other and are deciding whether or not we want to be in a long term relationship again.”

I get off the phone and she texts me shortly after, “You’re so special to me and the only person I WANT to be with. So simmer down.”

I respond, “got it. ill simmer down.”

Researching black metal bands and other unrelated ethereal music of northern Europe.

Sleep shortly after 3 a.m.

[i] Until the Light Takes Us [Still].

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