Monday January 23 2012


Waking up at 10:50 a.m.

Before I depart from her place I find a do-to list she has laying there on the shelf and add two items, next to plunger and avocados, “kiss from robert” and “lovin’ from robert”.

Cinnamon Oatmeal with Brown Sugar, Flax Seed, Raisins, and Milk. Strawberry Banana Orange Juice.

All day shift at China Wok.

I have a delivery to Cape Henry Tower apartments off Shore Drive. The old lady that lives there recruits me to buy her a few packs of Misty cigarettes. The sky is misty too—the fog encompassing the buildings turning them into ghosts. I take a deep breath through my nose. Ahhh. “This is refreshing.” The level of coolness is perfect. “It’s perfect out here.”

Peanut Butter Pita. Potato Chip Trio. Aloe Vera Drink.

As I’m driving and making my deliveries I become terribly distracted. My mind is enveloped in dark things...cluttered with the breaking sounds of shock...stained with bloody hues of regret...I’m suffocated by a blinding controlling rage that rebels like a hurtful parade of disgust. I don’t know why I can’t stop dwelling on the fact she had sex with that idiot. It happened back in November when we were on non-speaking terms and moving on. And I know things are null and void between them now. But everything’s so deep and serious in my head and I still can’t put the figures together on why she let some misogynist womanizer trick her into thinking he actually enjoyed her company and wasn’t solely on the prowl for her a pretty body and a quick fix. The signs were obvious in the beginning when he was unruly and aggressive. I pointed that out but she didn’t care. I have so much hate towards this guy for speaking to her like a piece of ass. My imagination runs wild with scenarios where I’m given the opportunity to speak my mind to him or lash out in anger...maybe swing a bat across his back or wail punches in his face. This is ridiculous that I’ve stooped to this level of mental anguish. This guy’s a joke. That whole thing was a joke. I was supposed to be unaffected. There was supposed to be no communication. Why did she have to call me that night in November and open up a whole new chapter of conflict? I hate setbacks. But here I am anyway...doing what I do best, which is hang on tightly to love and my comfort zone. Hm. This is hardly comfortable.


Jumping into my car after grabbing a few orders. I look up at the sky to see a surprising sunset all pink and orange and purple. Pure beauty. I’m reminded how petty and insignificant all these troubles and tribulations are.

“Who cares? Who cares about anything?”

It’s a steady night for deliveries.


Margot calls me up after she gets off work.

Me: “Hey.”

Her: “Hi!”

Me: “What’s up?”

Her: “I miss you.”

Me: “[hehe]”

That phone call helped put things into perspective. Rather than focusing on a retrospective view.………………Here is now. Live day by this moment.

Chinese food continues...

Off work. At home.

Hot and Sour Soup. Two Shrimp Egg Rolls.

Watching Solitary Man (2009).

I drop in to see Margot. She’s coming down with a small cold and she couldn’t locate her teapot and is without honey. So I brought over my teapot and the special honey my dad gave me from North Carolina. Watching Conan and other TV shows for a bit.

Meeting up with Elliott on the Friend’s School courts for some basketball. Whiskers, the school’s night watchman cat, is there roaming the grounds with his cat tribe. Shooting around calling out Apollo missions to identify the type of shot made. Some missions landed. Some didn’t.

Elliott: “This is how nerds play basketball!”

Relaxing by myself in my room.

Sleep before 3 a.m.

[i] Dadu Shin.

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