Wednesday March 2 2011

DREAM: Walking on the shore towards a picturesque scene of an ocean with dark grey tones. Stepping into the water, I turn around and start slowly marching backwards as if I’m protecting myself from the waves, but there are none just yet. As soon as I look behind me a wave crashes down. I brace myself and go with the flow. Back near the shore is a crowd of identical boys all with blonde hair. They’re split up into two groups. They all seem to have a monotone robotic attitude and keep shouting out their respective clan names. The scene switches to the inside of a building that’s under construction. I guess it’s the school that all these boys attend. I’m observing through a half-built wall into a room where I find Margot sitting on a stool, wearing the green dress she wore on her last birthday—she’s all dolled up with makeup. Three boys are in the room with her having an argument about something. One of them shouts to another, “I’m still Mr. Student to you!” Margot’s face catches my eye—her lips, so distinctive and shiny—half open in a sensual way. One of the boys makes a statement that insinuates something shameful he did with her. She walks off soon after. ☼☼☼ A slumber party in my room. Unfamiliar people, a little younger than me, are crashed out all over the place. I’m lying down on my bed up on the top bunk joined by three girls who seem to be spooning together in order to make room for all of us. I’m taking up the head of the bed and they’re kind of in the middle. The younger of the three is eyeing me and we kiss for a hot second. A little bit of slober slips out of my mouth and onto her shirt making a short smacking sound. The second girl wakes up and demands, “Did you guys just kiss?” The young girl admits to it with shame. Immediately, all three get up to leave. Everyone else in the room is waking up and shuffling around the room. It’s understood to be around 9 in the morning. I’m still tired so I attempt to connect my ipod to some speakers to drown out the sounds from everybody else—it’s very difficult.

It’s a little before 5 p.m. Someone just opened the door to my room. It’s Margot!

Me: “Whoa. Am I dreaming?”

Her: “No. Good morning.”

There’s a warm smile on her face and on mine.

She’s standing on the computer chair leaning over the top bunk of my bed with those bright starry eyes of hers. I’m still trying to open mine. Well this is a pleasant surprise.

Me: “What behooved you to come here?”

I sent her a “desperate miss you love you” message yesterday. She said she got it and decided to see me for a few minutes before she had to go to work.

Me: “You were in my dream…” Ah. Those lips. They look just as luscious as they were in the dream. Kissing her on the check and forehead. She places my chilly hand on her bare chest like she always does in order to warm up my hands.

Me: “Would you ever marry me later in life?”

Her: “Yeah.”

Me: “You would? Really?”

Her: “Yes, I would.”

Me: “Tell me what you’re feeling.”

Her: “I don’t know what I’m feeling.”

Your scent is going to be on my hands all day long.

Breakfast: Blueberry Pop Tart. Orange Juice. Zinc, Vitamin D.

Work at China Wok.

Wednesdays are slow—just two orders.

There’s a catfight between two blondes just outside the restaurant that involves the cops.

I offer to bring Margot something because she told me she forgot to bring her yogurt or apple sauce to work. She still can’t eat real food just yet. She wants a Sunrise Sunset smoothie with an energizer supplement from Tropical Smoothie. After some trouble finding the one at the oceanfront and hauling it to Great Neck, I arrive at Harpoon Larry’s. Sitting down on a barstool in a corner chatting off and on with her while she tends to a few tables. “Just What I Needed” by The Cars is booming on the stereo. I can see all that fantastical starriness in her eyes—I know she sees the longing in mine. Sharing a few mushy feelings as usual.

Me: “You are the sweetest jewel in my life. I’ll treat you like a queen.”

I inquire about some of the reasons why what’s happening is happening, like my schedule not coinciding with hers, my busyness, my reluctance to go out. I try to explain how after a traumatic event in a person’s life, their perspective and motivation change. And this is kind of my scenario, “I promise you things will be different. I want to make you happy.”

Her: “I need some lovin soon.”

Me: “Well, you know where I am. Wait, what kind of loving you talking about?”

Her: “What kind of lovin are you talking about?”


Her: “I’d rather it be you than some weirdo.”

I agree entirely. I’d rather it be me than anyone. Duh.

Back at the house, Anthony, Kevin, and a guy named Skippy stop by to check out the accommodations. They’ll be moving out of The Pinball House in April and need a new place by then. Kevin keeps starting out every statement with “Honestly…” They’re making fun of him. Skippy attempts to fix the attic door with our rinky-dink hammer. No luck.

Lunch: Grilled Cheese with Tomato. Salt n Vinegar Chips. Honey Green Tea.

Napping for a while.

Banana. Coffee.

Newspaper route.

Coast to Coast—discussions of ghosts with a ghost expert and how to monitor them with simple household items.

Eating a Blueberry Donut from 7-11.

Oldies Oldies Oldies. Manfred Mann’s “Do Wah Diddy” on the stereo. I pull up to IHOP—two employees standing by the box on a smoke break. The girl says, “I love that song!” “I know. Me too.” There’s something so innocent and playful and happy about this music. I’m feeling hopeful because I know she still has a heart radar out for me. I felt it today when I was with her. Oh boy. This rollercoaster keeps on rollin. “Big wheel keep on turning. Oo the proud Mary keep on burnin…”

Counting quarters and calculating my finances.

Dinner: Sun Dried Tomato Chicken and Rice with Peppers and Onions. Artichoke Hearts. Garlic Naan Bread.

Watching Freakonomics [2010].

Studying and starting the exam I have to pass in order to become a search engine evaluator for Google.

Strawberry Yogurt with Mango.


Sleep 10:20 a.m.

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